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Really need someone to talk too

K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
It’s getting harder for me every day. What the hell has happened to me. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going. I have shut everyone out and no longer can take care of myself. This is not a life. I feel like I am already gone.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
I don’t want to upset anyone with my post. I am trying not to be direct. I feel like I have been abandoned and I don’t have anyone that I can really talk too.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
10,268
Location
England
Hi Kitkat,
I'm so sorry your struggling right now, do you have a psychiatrist that you see? Do you have any upcoming appointments?
Hope you feel better soon
I've been where you are and feel much better now.
This will pass with help.
Take care
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
I really have no choice now. I either get help or I hurt my kids and husband by not being here at all. I stay inside my home all day. I can’t leave. The thought of being around people is too much. My whole world changed two years ago. I almost didn’t make it. I turned to my mother for help, the very person who beat the s**t out of me as a kid. I was so messed up. Everyone saw me deteriorating and I couldn’t get help on my own. I had a hard time asking and when I did I got no understanding.

Yes I have a psychiatrist but it doesn’t help. I feel to far gone as a person.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
Sorry, I came on here. I know it’s too much. Thanks for the reply.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
This past week I started to smoke marijuana. Something I was always against doing. It helps but I do cry a lot. It’s like my emotions have been turned on. I don’t know if anyone else has the same experience. My anxiety is too much and I needed to try anything to help: Am I going deeper downhill. I don’t know what I am doing anymore.
 
Cal

Cal

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
341
Location
South West Scotland
Hey, it sounds like things are getting pretty intense, do you have any established strategies for grounding yourself or de-escalating?
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
I have avoided so much in my life. I don’t like conflict of any kind, it makes my anxiety worse. Things are very intense for me. I smoked not long ago. I heard it helps with PTSD and thought I would try it. It does seem to bring all my emotions up. My way to cope is to avoid. I had some depersonalization this year and kept telling everyone that I didn’t feel like myself. I went to my husband and told him how close I was to ending my life. It’s been a struggle. I don’t know how to be whole anymore.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
I’ll watch a movie tonight to get my mind off of everything. I don’t like feeling like this and I can’t help anyone in my family anymore. I was always the dependable one. Now I can’t leave my house.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
Sorry. If I make anyone uncomfortable. I don’t mean too.
 
Cal

Cal

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
341
Location
South West Scotland
You won't make me uncomfortable :) Do you have PTSD or are you trying smoking because you have anxiety and PTSD is an anxiety disorder? No judgement btw, for me it would be quicker to list the drugs I haven't tried at some point than to list the ones I have. A movie is a good idea, what sort of films are you into?
 
Cal

Cal

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
341
Location
South West Scotland
I'm sorry if I take a little time replying too, I'm actually going to be doing some homework for college so I'll be up all night, I'm happy to keep checking in on you. You're in Texas? My location is still down as Scotland but I live over in Upstate NY these days so you'd be 3 hours behind, right?
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
The last therapist I saw said I had CPTSD. The diagnosis makes a lot of since. I have had anxiety and depression for a longtime. I watch a lot of Netflix and prime. I’ve been watch Carnival Row.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
Yes. It’s about 11:30 here.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
Thank you, Cal. I really appreciate you talking with me. It’s easier to be more open on the forum than in real life. People just don’t understand.
 
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