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Really at a loss

P

Purple butterfly

Guest
Hi it's me again sorry to bother people I feel like such a burden at the minute.... I try to help everyone directly involved in my life and people who are not.... Me and my ex are having this issue at the minute where he's telling me to do stuff and because of my mindset I believe him no one can tell me otherwise and I know it's wrong in one way or another but I need to feel normal I need to do something.

I want to die I've been a having these thoughts on my own and didn't need his help.... And I don't know what to do for the best I've finally been able to block his number but it's hard cos what he's said has already sunk in I have things in my room to help me do what he wants me to do and I am having a lot of difficulty parting with them...

I want this pain I am feeling it's indescribable to go away I want to feel normal but that isn't going to happen anytime soon I want to die I want to end it all now and I know if I go offline that's exactly what's going to happen.

Please no one send the emergency pm I've already received that tonight and that was before I posted anything.

I hate people who think they know me.

When people say your strong or you can beat it because I can't I am weak and I am scared. Why on earth am I scared x

Why show my weakness.... Why have I let someone play on my weakness.....

Why is he right....

Why oh why can I not get rid of the things in my room.

Because I need them. They will help...

Sorry for my rambling on....

Just don't know what else to do.... I've spoken to my counsellor today and told her the basics and she's seems a very nice lady but I don't trust her I trust no one she will tell someone how I am really feeling and they will stop me I don't want to be stopped x
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
Hey you. Well done for posting, I know how hard that was for you.

Please keep holding on.

You are stronger than you think

xxx
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
You need to stay online and talk.

You have come so far over the past couple of days. I believe in you, I really do xxx
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 21, 2012
Messages
8,447
Location
Another planet
So sorry you are feeling so awful. You are not a burden. You are struggling. Please stay online and keep posting
 

MarlieeB

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Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
At the end of the day, like I said earlier. I/we can't stop you from doing something, we can give you support, try our best as a forum to talk to you but at the end of the day the decision is yours.

Of course, everything in me wants you to stay strong and at least wait till you see the Pdoc next week and see what they say and if you have done something that you change your mind, get help or haven't done enough.

I hope you can come back and speak to the forum soon.
 
Agatha

Agatha

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 31, 2014
Messages
129
Location
USA
Please hang in there. You are a worthy person deserving of so much good. All the best to you!
 
L

lovagemuffin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
hello that man is he the man you dreamt of marrying? somehow I doubt that it is better to be alone and learn how to cope being alone than in being in an abusive relationship. it took strength to leave it and delete his number and with time you WILL get stronger.
 
P

Purple butterfly

Guest
Most definitely not....

I've let him play with my head too much and he's not going to beat me I ended it cos he was a pleb.

And all he's done now is show me what a disgrace he is..

I had some time earlier to just think about things.

HE'S not now nor will he ever beat me.

Just took me some time to realise how much of a pleb he actually was.

He will never get the better of me.... I am better than him....

X
 
L

lovagemuffin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
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you can do sooooooo much better one day youll look back at this laugh and say what the hell was I thinking!:cool:
 
P

Purple butterfly

Guest
I'm already thinking what the hell was I thinking.

I've screwed up so much and I've really let him get to me not anymore. He needs to grow up and learn some respect.

HE'S NOT WORTH MY TIME X
 
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