Real or artificial happiness?

[_baepsae_]

Hi all, I’m new to the forum and it’s been really helpful so far. This is my first thread!

I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression for a few years and have noticed that when I experience happiness (those awesome, bright moments of calm or peace), I tend to undermine it because I wonder if it’s “real”. What I mean is, when I feel joy, I then genuinely wonder if I’m actually happy, or if Im trying so hard to fight the depression that I’m just creating artificial happiness for myself. Like am I actually happy, or do I just want want to be happy, so I make myself do it? I don’t know if I can tell the difference; honestly, I don’t even know if this is actually happening or if I’m just afraid it’s happening. Either way, it’s distressing because it always ruins those happy moments. At the end of the day, I’m over analyzing joy (real or not) to the point of ruining it.

Does this make sense to others? Does anyone else experience this? It sounds weird as I’m writing it but I’ve been wanting to talk about it with others for a while, so I hope it makes sense haha. Thanks all.

 

[Barny67]

Hi Welcome, Does it matter which it is, your feeling happy, calm.
Over analysing being judgmental is a part of depression. I hate myself or do I hate the depression.? Changing a mindset from negative to positive, is as you know, difficult.
Enjoy the moment. Tc

 

[PureDevo]

Hello! New here as well! For me it makes total sense! I feel the same way. About these moment of happiness, do I create them has a way to get out of my depression or I actually feel happy? Or if I am happy if I ignore all the bad does it mean I am genuinely happy or is it an illusion for me to be better for a little?
Haha deep stuff!
If you want to talk private message me and I'll be happy to talk!

 

[_baepsae_]

Hi Welcome, Does it matter which it is, your feeling happy, calm.
Over analysing being judgmental is a part of depression. I hate myself or do I hate the depression.? Changing a mindset from negative to positive, is as you know, difficult.
Enjoy the moment. Tc

Thank you for the welcome and for commenting, that’s a good point and one I’ll be thinking about for a while. I really appreciate the reassurance.

It doesn’t bother me when it’s just me. I don’t wonder if I enjoyed a walk or not, because it doesn’t affect anyone else. It does matter to me when other people are involved because I feel guilty. If someone does something kind for me and I can’t tell whether I was truly happy about it or if I just made myself feel happy, I feel guilty that they did that for me. I feel like I didn’t deserve it, like they shouldn’t have wasted that effort on me. I feel like I’m a bad person for not knowing. Any kindness from my partner or my family or friends often leads to this, and it’s hard to deal with that self-judgment. To cope with this I try to at least recognize that I do appreciate those moments, even if I can’t tell if they made me “happy.”

 

[_baepsae_]

Hello! New here as well! For me it makes total sense! I feel the same way. About these moment of happiness, do I create them has a way to get out of my depression or I actually feel happy? Or if I am happy if I ignore all the bad does it mean I am genuinely happy or is it an illusion for me to be better for a little?
Haha deep stuff!
If you want to talk private message me and I'll be happy to talk!

Thank you for the reassurance as well! It really helps to know that someone else has experienced this. And thank you for the offer to discuss over DM, this thread has helped a lot but I might take you up on that! Welcome to the forum too!

 

[Barny67]

It’s all about hating yourself, as if you don’t deserve anything except misery and pain.
Your not a bad person, your just ill. Tc

 

[treasurebox]

It will do you good to not over think. Create happy moments because happiness is a choice and you were born to be happy. You desetve to be happy.

Music helps me. Music is therapeutic. Listen to good, uplifting and encouraging music on youtube.

Also, do what you love doing or what you are good at. It will do good to you and make you happy.

 

[soul searching]

Yes, allow yourself to be happy, it could even lead to recovery. If you feel happy, go with it. I was literally unable to be happy for many years because of my schizophrenia. I wasn't allowed to like anybody. Now that I am on the mend, I'm finding myself feeling happiness and its amazing. Sometimes it's so amazing that I will cry. Also, I've been able to like and love friends and family again. It's wonderous when I feel this way! I was in hell for a long time. Every one deserves to feel happy.

 

[Dispatch]

Welcome to the forum, interesting subject, it’s tying in with something I’ve been thinking about. I’ve noticed with my anxiety there seems to be two levels of overthinking ... one where I’m thinking of different scenarios which change slightly, over and over ... and then there’s where I think too deeply on one subject ... and how that messes with my happiness ...

 

[soul searching]

Yes, over-thinking can cause negativity.

 

[_baepsae_]

Thank you all, I really appreciate the support and kind words. These are things I tell myself often but hearing them from others is really helpful. The journeys you’ve been through are very inspiring and I’m excited to hear about how you’re finding ways to experience joy. Feeling grateful for finding this forum, thanks again.