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Real event ocd - any help appreciated!

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Emeraldgreen

New member
Joined
May 7, 2021
Messages
4
Location
London
Hi everyone, I’m new here 🙂

I just wanted some advice if possible on what I now know to be real event ocd.
Ive had ocd pretty much my whole life but only discovered I had it a few years back. I’m in my thirties now so I don’t know how I didn’t realise until then! I’ve had a few different obsessions over the years, at the moment I’m suffering badly with real event ocd. It happened around 7 years ago now when I got together with my boyfriend. I had “retroactive jealously” ocd at the time which i didn’t even know was a thing. I was completely obsessed with my boyfriends past, finding out every little thing about his ex girlfriends etc, I have no idea how I didn’t clock that something was seriously wrong with me at the time but there you go. Anyway my boyfriend and his ex girlfriend had broken up as she had to move back to her home country about three/four months before I met him. They’d been together about 7 months I think. I was convinced I was just a rebound and became completely obsessed. I was really really horrible to my boyfriend and made him cut off all contact with her. It was such a terrible time for everyone involved.
Since then I’ve discovered that I have ocd and realised how ill I actually was at the time without knowing. I feel absolutely terrible about treating my boyfriend so badly but what plagues me more is his poor ex girlfriend. He just stopped talking to her like that. She must’ve been so upset and not had a clue why or what was happening. I can’t get over this. It’s been years I know, but I feel like I need to do something. I want her to know how sorry I am. I know that I can’t but I honestly feel like contacting her to apologise. I’ve always felt bad about it but now and again it’s pops up as an obsession and I just can’t ever seem to fully move past it.
I feel like a truly awful person that doesn’t deserve any happiness whatsoever.
Has anyone else has a similar experience with real event ocd?
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
200
Location
Alberta, Canada
Lot's of us have misgivings about things we've done and feel guilt. If you don't want to apologize face-to-face, perhaps you could send her a letter. Even if she doesn't respond, you can rest assured that you've done everything you can to make her feel better. If you don't want to send the letter, perhaps you can write it for your own peace of mind.
 
E

Emeraldgreen

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Joined
May 7, 2021
Messages
4
Location
London
Thanks so much for your reply. I have considered contacting her but she doesn’t even know who I am as far as I know. Also, I worry that I’d be stirring up painful memories for her just so that I can make myself feel better. I guess I just need to let this go and hope that she’s happy now. It’s just so so hard. I feel truly awful.
 
S

Sophie18

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Joined
May 10, 2021
Messages
1
Location
London
Thanks so much for your reply. I have considered contacting her but she doesn’t even know who I am as far as I know. Also, I worry that I’d be stirring up painful memories for her just so that I can make myself feel better. I guess I just need to let this go and hope that she’s happy now. It’s just so so hard. I feel truly awful.
I doubt this girl is giving this as much as thought as you are - if at all, so please stop torturing yourself. I think the fact that you were able to reflect and have acknowledged this is huge - you have owned up to your actions (and are empathic) which is very admirable - not many people do, so be nice to yourself. Make your peace with it (for your sake only) and leave it in the past. xx
 
lavenderfire

lavenderfire

Well-known member
Joined
May 10, 2021
Messages
176
Location
australia
Hi everyone, I’m new here 🙂

I just wanted some advice if possible on what I now know to be real event ocd.
Ive had ocd pretty much my whole life but only discovered I had it a few years back. I’m in my thirties now so I don’t know how I didn’t realise until then! I’ve had a few different obsessions over the years, at the moment I’m suffering badly with real event ocd. It happened around 7 years ago now when I got together with my boyfriend. I had “retroactive jealously” ocd at the time which i didn’t even know was a thing. I was completely obsessed with my boyfriends past, finding out every little thing about his ex girlfriends etc, I have no idea how I didn’t clock that something was seriously wrong with me at the time but there you go. Anyway my boyfriend and his ex girlfriend had broken up as she had to move back to her home country about three/four months before I met him. They’d been together about 7 months I think. I was convinced I was just a rebound and became completely obsessed. I was really really horrible to my boyfriend and made him cut off all contact with her. It was such a terrible time for everyone involved.
Since then I’ve discovered that I have ocd and realised how ill I actually was at the time without knowing. I feel absolutely terrible about treating my boyfriend so badly but what plagues me more is his poor ex girlfriend. He just stopped talking to her like that. She must’ve been so upset and not had a clue why or what was happening. I can’t get over this. It’s been years I know, but I feel like I need to do something. I want her to know how sorry I am. I know that I can’t but I honestly feel like contacting her to apologise. I’ve always felt bad about it but now and again it’s pops up as an obsession and I just can’t ever seem to fully move past it.
I feel like a truly awful person that doesn’t deserve any happiness whatsoever.
Has anyone else has a similar experience with real event ocd?
Yes, everyone does stuff. If you feel bad, you should forgive your human self and move forward because that is what you deserve: positivity and a good future. If someone you loved were in your position, you would want them to realise it is not that bad, you are human, we all do stuff, and a good person who feels bad about it needs to forgive themselves and move forward to keep building their life. If everyone focused on their past regrets we would all be sad.
 
E

Emeraldgreen

New member
Joined
May 7, 2021
Messages
4
Location
London
She doesn't know who you are?
She might know of me but we’ve never spoken and I don’t think my boyfriend told her about me, he just cut off contact. This is why I don’t feel like I can really make amends...there isn’t a lot I can do unfortunately.
 
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Emeraldgreen

New member
Joined
May 7, 2021
Messages
4
Location
London
Thank you all so much for the lovely responses. I know I need to forgive myself and move on. I would definitely want the same if this was someone I loved and I knew they were torturing themselves like this. Thanks so much for the support xx
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
200
Location
Alberta, Canada
She might know of me but we’ve never spoken and I don’t think my boyfriend told her about me, he just cut off contact. This is why I don’t feel like I can really make amends...there isn’t a lot I can do unfortunately.
I've felt like you, where you feel the need to make things right because you feel guilty. I agree that saying sorry is the best thing to do in most cases. But explaining what you did wrong to your boyfriend and his ex might make you feel better, but it might also stir up more trouble for them.

Your boyfriend and his ex could end up really angry with you, and if it has been years since the incident, they might wonder why you're still thinking about this.

They may have moved on from the incident or forgotten about it by getting on with their lives. If they haven't done this and they are still concerned or upset, then revealing what you did wrong could bring them together. But will this help you? That's uncertain. You can't predict how they will react or what they'll think or do, which is why letting go of this is perhaps the easiest thing to do.
 
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