Ready to eliminate passion from my life

[2tired3care]

I have had my job threatened because I want to do it well.

I have to rely on a co-worker, who is best friends with the boss, so when she does not meet a deadline, I am made to suffer and then when I complain to the boss, I am in trouble and considered unprofessional.

When I try to speak with my one source of support, (my husband), he says I am too passionate and that I should just forget about it.

If I could just drop it, my life would be easier, but as a Quality Analyst, attention to detail and deadlines are critical to the job.

I am on antidepressants, Xanax, Clonozepam, and have just had Lexapro added.

Now my Dr has recommended a psychologist, and I simply do not want to spend the rest of my life with a psychologist. I have had very bad experiences with them, and really do not want to do this for the rest of my life.

I consider them to be the kind of doctors that never cure, just keep making appointments, and I am not made of money, especially if I lose my job.

I am overly conscious about Meds, as I have had family members become addicted to prescription drugs, but finally ready for one that will take me to a place where I care about nothing anymore.

In the last 4 years, I have lost my Mom, my Dad, a grandchild, all 3 of my sisters, my home, and all 3 of my children do not have time for me.

The hurt is just too much and if I lose my job, because I cannot tolerate someone who sucks up and refuses to do their job and making me the fall guy, I just think that will be the last straw.

So, based on what my boss and husband say, if I am too passionate, it is time to stop feeling anything, and if I cannot find a medication for it, there is always alchohol.

Any advise, because I am out of options.

 

[Dollit]

What do you mean by passionate? Do you mean perfectionism?

Medicating with alcohol never did anyone any good at all but I think you know that.

Have you thought of trying to find a new job? Not easy in these times but at least you'd feel a bit more in control.

 

[jamesdean]

The trouble/problem is the world is all upside down at the moment, I dont think it pays to care to much anymore, I cared it was like work was the most important thing but I dont think its like that anymore, my cousins husband is a perfectionist in his job but my cousin keeps telling him he needs to work faster n earn more money.
Though alcohol definately isnt the answer and not on all that medication you will only feel worse.I do feel for you having no family, is there no groups you could join?

 

[quality factor]

I don't know whether passionate is the right word...maybe you are professional?
Doing your job well is admirable but not to the point where you are becoming ill.
Triangular relationships do not work from my experience.
Remember you are not indispensable...I learned that from bitter experience. It is hurtful to be made to feel like that but it is a fact of life.
Jobs are not easy to come by so they say, but I would consider a move. Your health and relationship with your OH must become more important than workplace dynamics.
Take care.

 

[2tired3care]

2tired3care

I believe that the word is professional, and the word passion was my husbands. I thank you all for your suggestions and good thoughts.

However, I am over 50, and as most of you know, over 50 is a death sentence in job hunting, so a new job is not an option.

Honestly, I do know that alcohol is not the answer, in fact, it is just another drug, and I do not care for all the drugs anyway.

But life with this kind of stress, fear and the losses I have experienced have just become almost unbearable.

I appreciate the honesty and the kindness and good advice offered, but beginning to realize that I am in a hole I cannot get out of.

I am glad for the anonimity, which does allow for real honesty, but if the only answer is another job or a psychologist, I think I may be lost.

Thanks for your suggestions,

 

[jamesdean]

Keep posting 2tired3care and let us know the outcome