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Reaching out - I simply cant speak up anywhere else

A

ant_12314

Member
Joined
Feb 7, 2014
Messages
5
Hi guys,

I'm never posted in a forum before. In fact I never use facebook as a way of talking to people which might sum me up in two sentences! I've always dealt with my depressive and anxious tendencies on my own by taking myself through the problems and learning of ways to either avoid them or face them. On a few occasions over the last 5 years I've reached the point of complete exhaustion where the sensible, calming and "I can do it" part of me shuts down and I've reached out to loved ones. Everytime my thoughts abd feelings come rushing out. After following advice, getting medication and therapy I then proclaim to myself that I am fine and don't want the stigma of an illness being attached to me.

I'm not fine, I never was. Looking at myself currently, I'm a shy, awkward, mumbling, incoherent mess of emotions. I simply don't make sense to people. They ask me to repeat myself all the time.I read into every negative comment made by anyone which will then further concrete my negative thoughts about myself. I'm losing touch with life long friends. I have nothing of interest to say! I know a few conversation starters but then will just spend the rest of the conversation faking interest. My main question is, are these characteristics of mine relatable to anyone? How can I live my life at work and at home at peace and enjoy other people without feeling so inadequate and boring? Any tips other than talk to a therapist or see a doctor? As I mentioned a long say up there, :) I have a tendency to become introverted soon after speaking up. After a bit of time goes by I'll feel so guilt about people worrying about me that I'll try and soldier on and say that I'm better. I hope someone understands this and feels like sharing or offering some advice.
 
Grandpa

Grandpa

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2014
Messages
15
Location
Australia
Hi Ant. Congratulations on working up the courage to post in a forum, it will get easier. I wouldn't worry about not being on Facebook, you're not missing out on much. I dumped mine ages ago.

Anxiety and depression will play havoc with your emotions, self-esteem and the ability to relate to people. We tend to withdraw into ourselves, and when we do work up the courage to talk to people, we fear getting our head being bitten off.

Feeling introverted when we do finally talk to someone is part of the negative way we feel when depressed. How you have described yourself is how most anxious and depressed people feel.

I would certainly recommend you at least talk with your doctor. Depression is an illness and very rarely goes away by itself if left untreated. Joining this forum is a good start, and I am sure you will find many people you can relate to, and who can relate to you.
 
BlueGlass

BlueGlass

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Jul 21, 2013
Messages
14,425
Location
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Hello. Welcome to the forum.
x
 
A

ant_12314

Member
Joined
Feb 7, 2014
Messages
5
Hi Grandpa,

Thanks for your reply. It's great just being able to let that out anonymously without having to worry about someone worrying about me if you get that? It's also good to know that these problems that I think about everyday are happening to other people at the same time. Sometimes I feel like a complete alien! You're right I do need to be proactive about this and not deal with it alone. Perhaps I'll build up the courage and see my doctor. I won't tell my family straight away as everytime I do say somethings up the atmosphere changes and the guilt literally breaks my heart. Obviously they are only caring about me but I'd like them to think that everythings alright just for a while. It can be quite draining putting up a front though. Thanks for your advice.
 
Grandpa

Grandpa

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2014
Messages
15
Location
Australia
Sometimes I feel like a complete alien!
I know what you mean. Sometimes I think I was born on the wrong planet, that the way I think, see things, and do things is nothing like "normal" people.

Over the years, I have come to realize this is quite common and part of our problem.

I am sure your family and friends do care about you, they just don't understand. Only people who have experienced the crushing effect of anxiety and depression can really know what we are going through. Doctors may not have experienced it, but they have been trained to know about it. If they think you need help beyond their capability, they will refer you on to someone who has.

The first step on the road to recovery, is to recognize you have a problem and to do something about it. There is no magic solution, and we have to find what suits us best. The important thing is to do something, and not just bury our head in the sand and expect it to go away.
 
RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 25, 2013
Messages
13,273
hello and welcome to the forums xx
 
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