D
DeepThoughts
Member
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2018
- Messages
- 5
Hello everyone.
I have a severe, permanent migraines and another very obscure, rare headache conditions called SUNCT headaches.
I'm constantly extreme pain, unable to get out much and mostly imprisoned at home.
I'm getting through, finding distractions and eating the time away until I see a neurosurgeon soon, who will be able to set up a rather drastic surgical procedure since all conventional treatments no longer work. This has been getting worse year and year for six years now.
I had a promising career, rented my own places, relationships, meaning in life. But now I have nothing and it's extremely unlikely I'll have the capacity to obtain these crucial parts of the human experience for at least another year. But it could be lifelong, there's no guarantee any procedure will work.
The worst feeling is loneliness. Watching affectionate scenes between couples regularly makes me tear up and I have to go and have a cigarette to calm down. I'm genuinely in love with a friend of mine, I'd love to be open about that but what do I have to offer anyone? I'm a disabled wreck, constantly in a frantic state of mind as my brain tries to handle the immense amount of pain. I just feel like I'm going to die like this. I'm not suicidal (yet), just increasingly depressed and keep getting these sudden feelings of deep dread inside.
It feels as if a full breakdown is building inside me. I have been like this for three months now and the prospect of getting through another three months, let alone a year, in this state terrifies me. I don't know if I can do it.
I'm 31 years old. And my situation may never change. Life seems utterly pointless.
I have a severe, permanent migraines and another very obscure, rare headache conditions called SUNCT headaches.
I'm constantly extreme pain, unable to get out much and mostly imprisoned at home.
I'm getting through, finding distractions and eating the time away until I see a neurosurgeon soon, who will be able to set up a rather drastic surgical procedure since all conventional treatments no longer work. This has been getting worse year and year for six years now.
I had a promising career, rented my own places, relationships, meaning in life. But now I have nothing and it's extremely unlikely I'll have the capacity to obtain these crucial parts of the human experience for at least another year. But it could be lifelong, there's no guarantee any procedure will work.
The worst feeling is loneliness. Watching affectionate scenes between couples regularly makes me tear up and I have to go and have a cigarette to calm down. I'm genuinely in love with a friend of mine, I'd love to be open about that but what do I have to offer anyone? I'm a disabled wreck, constantly in a frantic state of mind as my brain tries to handle the immense amount of pain. I just feel like I'm going to die like this. I'm not suicidal (yet), just increasingly depressed and keep getting these sudden feelings of deep dread inside.
It feels as if a full breakdown is building inside me. I have been like this for three months now and the prospect of getting through another three months, let alone a year, in this state terrifies me. I don't know if I can do it.
I'm 31 years old. And my situation may never change. Life seems utterly pointless.