Rather severe loneliness

[DeepThoughts]

Hello everyone.

I have a severe, permanent migraines and another very obscure, rare headache conditions called SUNCT headaches.

I'm constantly extreme pain, unable to get out much and mostly imprisoned at home.

I'm getting through, finding distractions and eating the time away until I see a neurosurgeon soon, who will be able to set up a rather drastic surgical procedure since all conventional treatments no longer work. This has been getting worse year and year for six years now.

I had a promising career, rented my own places, relationships, meaning in life. But now I have nothing and it's extremely unlikely I'll have the capacity to obtain these crucial parts of the human experience for at least another year. But it could be lifelong, there's no guarantee any procedure will work.

The worst feeling is loneliness. Watching affectionate scenes between couples regularly makes me tear up and I have to go and have a cigarette to calm down. I'm genuinely in love with a friend of mine, I'd love to be open about that but what do I have to offer anyone? I'm a disabled wreck, constantly in a frantic state of mind as my brain tries to handle the immense amount of pain. I just feel like I'm going to die like this. I'm not suicidal (yet), just increasingly depressed and keep getting these sudden feelings of deep dread inside.

It feels as if a full breakdown is building inside me. I have been like this for three months now and the prospect of getting through another three months, let alone a year, in this state terrifies me. I don't know if I can do it.

I'm 31 years old. And my situation may never change. Life seems utterly pointless.

 

[IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH]

to the forum. Sorry you are so lonely. That is horrible. Have you tried dating sites?

 

[DeepThoughts]

Yes when I was only half ill last year I found someone on a dating site. But now I can't out very much, it's just too much for my brain to handle since the nerves are all misfiring. So I have friends come visit me at home.

But that's no substitute for genuine companionship. Which I'm not sure will be possible for a long time.

I had another long illness from 2009 to 2012 which put me out of action and largely housebound for most of that time. So life continually screws me over. My friends are getting married, careers, even some having kids. All the things that bring true happiness.

 

[IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH]

Well don't give up the search. You can find true happiness. A loving God or Goddess or what ever would bring me true happiness. I don't need a husband or children.

 

[DeepThoughts]

Thank you.

I can't find inner peace until I can see light at the end of the tunnel. Currently it is still in the depths of darkness. The fact is this is incurable, I can't begin to imagine a situation where I'd be able to take any steps to cure loneliness.

I'm helping the aforementioned friend through some similar difficulties. She feels similar loneliness and depression due to her skin condition (vitiligo, what MJ had) which gives her a real lack of self confidence. I guess that's where the feelings come from. But I know I can't act on it, which makes me feel even worse.

 

[write]

I'm sorry you're going through so much. Hope you can get some successful treatment from the surgeon to relieve your physical pain. Different circumstances but I am extremely lonely too. I see no light or hope at all for me having existed for so long and got so stuck, trapped by trauma and its impact. I hope being on here helps you a bit x

 

[Mahbub Alam]

Nicely do not quit the actual research. You'll find accurate joy. The caring Lord or even Goddess or even no matter what might provide me personally accurate joy. We do not require a spouse or even kids.

 

[Fairy Lucretia]

hi
welcome
im sorry things are so hard but your life isn't pointless it is very valuable ,i promise
hope you find this place useful
lots of love
Lu x

 

[DeepThoughts]

I'm sorry you're going through so much. Hope you can get some successful treatment from the surgeon to relieve your physical pain. Different circumstances but I am extremely lonely too. I see no light or hope at all for me having existed for so long and got so stuck, trapped by trauma and its impact. I hope being on here helps you a bit x

Thanks.

Loneliness can be caused by anything; depression, life circumstances, bad luck, etc. It is one and the same, a bleak feeling of just missing something big.

There will be a solution to what I have, but it's faraway in the future.

I'm the most unemotional person ever usually, but tear up multiple times a day. Usually triggered by reminders of other peoples' fulfilling lives. But I'm getting through I suppose.