rar, on a down

[mebiscuitsinmebrew]

am just exploding with rage at the littlest things at the mo. Had a bit of a melt down when i got home cuz my debt worries were getting on top of me.

Had a row with the parents who i thought didn't understand properly, but it turns out i was just jumping to conclusions again.

Anyway, my lovely dad is lending me the money to pay off one of my credit cards which is so sweet of him and helps more with my feeling better than he will ever know.

but now i feel so guilty, and ashamed and like a silly child. At 25 i should be out there on my own, not having daddy bail me out again.

any advice on how i can stop beating myself up about things would be immensley appreciated

 

[jax]

I'm having a MASSVIE problem with anger and rage atm. My usual personality never had this problem. I am generally understanding and prefer non-confrontation and strive for peaceful solutions to problems. ATM, I am anything but this. I shout and curse. I become almost possessed. Just this minute, I spilt a drink over the coffee table. The cursing and shouting I did was nuts. This kind of thing doesn't usually bother me. After-all, accidents happen. I appear to have lost all my self-control. I beat myself up constantly - it does more harm than good - but IO can't stop it - so sorry - no advice about how to stop beating yourself up.

Accept your daddy's help - it is a lot worse to not be able to pay the bills and be black-listed. I had no one's help with my debts and have phone calls from debt collectors from early morning to evening. It is not pleasant. You can pay your dad back. Don't beat yourself up. If you got into debt, as I did, through being manic - it was your illness that caused it to occur - if
It's not your fault.
Jacqui x

 

[mebiscuitsinmebrew]

thanks jax for your kind words. it made me feel a lot better at the time. I accepted my dad's help, and that plus me being on the right meds now has made me a much happier, nicer person without the mania! xx

 

[topsyturvy]

am just exploding with rage at the littlest things at the mo. Had a bit of a melt down when i got home cuz my debt worries were getting on top of me.

Had a row with the parents who i thought didn't understand properly, but it turns out i was just jumping to conclusions again.

Anyway, my lovely dad is lending me the money to pay off one of my credit cards which is so sweet of him and helps more with my feeling better than he will ever know.

but now i feel so guilty, and ashamed and like a silly child. At 25 i should be out there on my own, not having daddy bail me out again.

any advice on how i can stop beating myself up about things would be immensley appreciated

Hello mebiscuitsinmebrew!

I can totally sympathize with what you've said. I find myself snapping at my nearest and dearest for them asking the most innocent of questions, or for them merely being in my presence.

I too am in debt, and my dad is constantly bailing me out of it. I'd be overdrawn every month if it wasn't for my dad, and yet I still find myself hating him on occasion. I feel ashamed for not being able to save enough money to move out of my parents home, and yet find myself splurging on my credit cards, because I'm so restless.

Unfortunately, lack of self control seems to go hand in hand with Bipolar. Although I have not been formally diagnosed with manic depression (partly through my own cowardice), my pdoc seems to think that I am, and is suggesting cognitive behavioural therapy and mood stablizers. Both of which I have turned down, but am now reconsidering.

You really shouldn't beat yourself up about it (although I know only too well how hard that is to do!).