rapid cycling bipolar-hallucinations-delusions

[jungy]

hi i got diagnosed about 5 year ago i am on 1750 mg a day on depakote i was on olazapine but make me very anxious i saw my consultant last week he put me on promazine but i dont think ive told him everything at the moment im very low anxious and agitated dont want see anyone any little thing stressies me
at the meeting with my consultant and support workers i was scared to leave because i think they be talking about me on the way to the chemist i saw this guy i know who is also ill coming out of the chemist i thought the workers had a plot to check on me i have friends round they make me a coffee i think they put something in it i get all paniky other week my m8 send me his song and i work on music like a mc and the lyrics was (you will never make it) i thought the song was all about me i was sat there crying sometimes i be crying and dancing at same time i was at my mums other day i thought she was evil i had stay away from her for a bit i felt very anxious... last night i was very anxious i rang the crisis team and explained then i was reading about illness then i started seeing like the girl from the exorcist etc in my head but i watched these films young and from a kid things have always scared me then the puppits from the sesame street laughing at me but when im high i dont get any of these symptoms i just feel great like top of the world does anyone think i got bipolar with phycotic features? its horrible but i cope well and never ever hurt anyone

 

[SmileyGirl]

Oh my, you're really going through the mill at the mo eh. It must be well scary for you. I understand everything you say except luckily the paranoia that everyone is 'out to get me' I've only ever had once, for about 2 months last year. Its worse now everyone has mobile phones, I am terrified they are all talking about me about how 'mental' I am.
I've been scared to tell my psychiatrist about this part of it, for the reaction I might get, but it also scares me I'll get worse again. I'm bipolar diagnosed.
I'm currently on a big low and cannot go over the doorstep by myself, I am off work, again.

I have only found this site for about a week and it does help just to be able to come on and have a rant!!
Do you have plenty of support around you?

 

[jungy]

reply

yes i have a community support worker who is a occapational therapist 2 support workers consultant phychiatrist and getting sent to a phycologist i hope you ok tell your doc they understand everything i tell them everything there good help send that link please i will have a look

 

[SmileyGirl]

Blimey I only have a psychiatrist who I see every 3 months, and I've been asking for a support worker of some sort. Maybe I'll ask more.

Sorry, what link did you mean?

Also, I meant did you have support non professional? Or do you do what I do and push people away??

 

[jungy]

hi

hi push people away dont want see anyone when i like this

 

[SmileyGirl]

Too true, its hideous isn't it. I can also get pissed though and do stupid texting to ex's then stand facing the corner in shame for the next day (or week). I guess its false bravery.
Thing is without sounding all that, I used to be turning down dates a lot but maybe thats cos I was manic anyway and I think people quite like manic people. Its when you get into a relationship with someone who's manic the hard work begins.
I even told my ex husband I deserved him cheating on me cos he had to put up with me being such a shit with my disorder. How right is that??!!