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Random triggers for Eating anxiety

L

Leopard__

New member
Joined
May 31, 2020
Messages
2
Location
London
Hello everyone,

I’m just going to start from the beginning with this.... I have had an eating disorder since I was five (I’m now mid 20’s) which began with one of my friends playing a prank pretending a man was coming to get me. I was too scared to talk about it so not eating became a way of dealing with it. This went on throughout my teen years on and off until I went to college. I had control over my eating disorder, a few minor blips here and there but mostly under control.
Then five years ago I was sexually assaulted by my brother in law and everything went down hill. I moved away from my family and lost control of my eating disorder again. I have now had to move back to my family due to work and I seem to be worse than ever.
I am currently getting triggered by the smallest things, I could be having a great day about to make a healthy meal and feeling good then I could drop a fork on the floor and then that’s it I can’t eat. It’s nothing to do with what triggers me it’s just that I take that as a sign that I shouldn’t be eating today. I know this probably sounds bizarre and no one may have not experienced this before but I don’t understand why I’m doing it either. Any small/slight inconvenience and I just go into full panic mode and can’t seem to calm down and just spiral into a self hatred mess. I will be crying for hours and just be furious at myself because of my body and then get angrier at myself for letting it take over me again. My gp has said it’s to do with the assault and I’ve been assessed for therapy for that which is great long term but it doesn’t help when it’s happening and I’m panicking and can’t seem to bounce back.

Apologies for how long this is but I just wanted to give a bit of background. I just feel completely on my own with this and my family can’t understand why I’m hysterical over something so small and when I try to explain that it’s bigger than that I just feel stupid and lonely because they don’t get it. I’m just exhausted from constantly getting in these states, especially after being so positive about making food. If anyone replies then thank you but if not then I do feel a whole lot better for just putting into words😊
 
S

Scapes1986

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
4,174
Location
Venus
I'm glad this made you feel better. I'm sorry your going through this. This is a welcoming forum to post on. Happy you're hear. Hope you feel even better with your eating and anxiety issues.
 
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