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Ramblings

StillFighting

StillFighting

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
I started writing this in my journal, but I decided to post it here because I'd like some support. I'm not sure what exactly I want to hear, I have no idea, but it'd help to hear someone's words right now.

So.. here's the thing: I want to find a job. I need to find a job, otherwise I'll have to go back to my parents and this is like the worst nightmare for me. I came to a foreign country to get away from a crappy, miserable life and society that I used to live in. I did a MSc. It took me 2 years to finish it, instead of 1, because of GAD issues. A study abroad was already a big investment, financially. And I've been afraid to admit it, but I realized on the way that I am not really fond of my study. Yet, this is my best bet for finding a job right now.

I live in a foreign country, and I don't speak their native language. So, finding a job not related to my study is very very hard, only with knowledge of English. But for people from my study, there is demand even if you only know English. So.. that's why that's my best bet right now. But for some reason, I can't seem to get freaking motivated, and I'm distracted by many other stupid things.

2 recruiters contacted me for jobs, that are however in a different city than where I live now. And right now, I'm reluctant to move to a different city. I like the place where I live right now, and since I have money for a couple of more months, I'd like to look for something here. However, I told the recruiters that I'm interested, because I wanted to test myself and get some more experience with interviews and stuff. (or so I thought).

Well, the plan somewhat backfired. The last 3 weeks I have failed to do any applications for jobs in my city. Why? Many reasons. I've been too preoccupied with the preparations for these 2 jobs in other cities, stressing about them, and thinking at the back of my mind "why am I doing this? I'm not interested anyway". I started feeling depressed because I am going after things I don't want to right now, and started losing my motivation.

Additionally, during Christmas time I was alone. And that kind of hit me harder than I expected. I didn't feel confident at all to make any job applications. But those 2 recruiters expressed interest for me, and I proceeded because I needed the attention (I sound so pathetic...). But then, the more I was spending time for these 2 job applications, the more I was feeling pathetic for going after things I don't like only to get someone's attention.

So.. basically... as I write this, I realize some obstacles in my plan to find a job:
- I get distracted by applications for jobs I'm not interested in
- I'm not sure what my skills are, and what I can do
- I don't really have many things in my every day life that give me positive energy, and I lose my motivation and energy to do the applications

This is basically rambling, and I'm mixing so many topics, and I'm sorry... I also hope I don't sound too arrogant or something... I feel kind of bad because I know people that are struggling to find any kind of job, and I feel guilty that there's demand in the market for people from my study.

I honestly have no idea what I'd like to hear right now, I'm still trying to make sense of it all. :(
 
L

lateagain

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
1
i think your approach makes sense. The two jobs outside your city are not your preferred jobs but good experience to apply and attend if successful. Of course, being of low-confidence self-doubt will creep in and question why you're wasting time making such applications. However, you need to be clear why your making these applications and stick to it. To help you it would be better if you gave yourself a fixed time (number of hours/days) to apply for these roles and then finish. Then you can concentrate efforts on applying for local jobs which is your preferred choice.

Also, be careful not to give the recruiters the impression you're not really interested in the two roles or show any low confidence or they may think twice about contacting you when they do have a role you're really interested in future.

Remember - applying for jobs is difficult for everyone irrespective of whether they also suffer from GAD issues so you're not alone.

Just set your goals and objectives, stick to them, and accept you will suffer from periods of self-doubt but you just have to overcome them and keep moving going forward.
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
I just wanted to post a quick reply, and say thanks a lot. It's quite late here now and I'm preparing for sleep, but I'll certainly give this some thought with a clear mind tomorrow. I guess I really needed someone else's level-headed view on this, and I appreciate you taking the time to answer.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Jan 25, 2012
Messages
14,164
Location
UK
You're not pathetic, and you don't come across as arrogant at all :hug: You sound like someone who's trying really hard to make things work out for them, despite the obstacles of having been unwell, plus doing all this in a foreign country, I think what you have achieved is impressive. You don't have to feel guilty because you've worked hard to gain a qualification in a field where your skills will be in demand :) lateagain gives some spot on advice. In my experience job hunting can be demoralising, and it forces you to question what you really want, and to look at your history and what you have/haven't achieved so far. I find that really hard (I've had a very patchy, sporadic work history due to my mental health), and it really affected my mood and self-esteem last time I tried to apply for a job, to the point where I lost confidence and motivation and decided against it. I agree with lateagain that a lot of what you're experiencing is quite normal even for people without mh problems to contend with. All the best StillFighting, I'm sure you'll do well and be able to arrive at the right decisions x

Edit: Welcome to the forum lateagain, good first post :peace:
 
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