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Rage, Hurt and Deep Pain

chesya

chesya

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 9, 2008
Messages
86
Location
Cornwall
I just feel so hurt and angry at the moment I want to destroy all my relationships with people. It makes my pulse race and want to destroy everything in reach.

My wife has just sent me copious material on BPD which has confused me becasue a lot of it sounds the way I feel at the moment.

I've just gone into the therapeutic range with Lithium, yet I feel turbulent. One moment I'm crying, the next I am raging, a truly murderous rage. I have a sense of being bad and evil and of others being so.

I am filled with hatred and venom.
 
B

blackroses

Member
Joined
Oct 3, 2008
Messages
16
i've been through times where i just wanted to hurt everyone and just cut myself off. dont know why :S
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
i've been through times where i just wanted to hurt everyone and just cut myself off. dont know why :S
When I have gone through stuff which was similar in the past, what I put it down to with hindsight is that I was at war with myself; I sabotaged myself. The core of acting like that was a lack of self acceptance, a lack of self worth & self love (non narcissistic). It has been through trying to practise being good to myself & following a path which leads to self acceptance, that I am no longer quite as destructive. But finding that balance, where we are aware & in tune with ourselves, that we acknowledge our talents & are humble, where we can have a deep sense of self acceptance - has been a long & on-going journey for me, & there is still quite a way to go.

It is best to try to take things easy & to go easy on ourselves; especially given what so many of us have gone through.
 
E

Eric

Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2008
Messages
8
Location
South Africa
I have felt like this on many occasions. It got so bad that my wife left me and I had to cope with knowing that my anger, Irritability and aggression, and the inability to control this lead to my divorce.

It has taken me a year of hard work to try force the negativity and anger away. There were times when I stayed in bed for days, pushed everyone away, and generally just moped and felt sorry for myself. I realise that this isn't the answer, of course, and have to make a concerted effort to get on every day. I have a saying that I got off a fridge magnet that I have. It says-It's only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis, and I truly believe that. I started a site, and blog,
Our Beautiful Mind.com so that people can post and say what's on their mind, and that keeps me busy during the days, as I only work at night.

I really believe that we have to find what we are happy about RIGHT NOW, and focus on that if we want to beat down BP. I know it's difficult, but just for today, that's what I'm doing, and I will try do it every day.
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
though I was relaxing on holiday i was so angry n just before I went away i was angry but it seems to of calmed down now I didnt like the feeling because I didnt really know how to deal with it n thought the last thing I need is anger management. I relly thought thaats it I'm finished with people.
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
Hi,
I have BPD and feel this anger and inner rage very often. In fact I've been feeling like this for about ten days now. I have to take each day as it comes and then try to handle it as well as I can.
I find that I take it out on the people who mean most to me, even if they haven't done anything to upset me. I get so screwed up inside that I almost feel I'll explode.
The trouble is I can't escape from myself, it's as though I keep bouncing back for more.:mad:
 
benkenobi

benkenobi

Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
12
Never been diagnosed BP but I can identify with the rage you describe; and desire to cut people off completely. Got so angry and frustrated with certain familiars while i was at work today i had to take myself to one side for nearly half an hour to calm down. The first ten minutes was spent trying not to smash the toilet cubicle to pieces, the other twenty crying softly to myself.

I've gone so far as to tear a door clean out of the frame (in the wrong direction) in one of these rages before. Scary stuff, at the time.
 
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