C
chaer57
New member
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 3
I’m not sure where to put this but I’m sure other people must have been in the same situation i am in now. About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with depression, psychosis and they were considering anxiety disorders. I was having trouble attending school, leaving my house and being in public. I felt paranoid, heard strange repetitions ( not voices, but single phrases sometimes sentences constantly repeating in my head). I often had feelings of killing myself as a benefit to society, and was convinced people were constantly trying to kill me. I was failing miserably in school and decided to try and fix myself.
My doctor sent me to a psychologist in the mental health wing of the local hospital. The set me up with counselling (which I regularly missed as i was afraid to leave my house) and put me on several medication. Initially i was given an antidepressant of which i can’t recall, which seemed to make things worse, but i was told to stay on it. After increasing dosages and worsening results i was switched to Paxil. I was then recommended to specialist at another mental health facility and he said i had psychosis put me on medication which i believe was called respiridone(sp?). I was given another pill for anxiety, all of which i can remember was a small green one and a name starting with L.
After sometime of dealing with medication with nominal results at best, counsellors and physiatrists who seemed apathetic to another run-of-the-mill case, and a deteriorating academic situation, I stopped everything and told myself i just had to get it together. I enrolled in school again, got a job and started putting things back together.
I am however again, dysfunctional, failing etc. I’m not suicidal (that in retrospect seems stupid, though i can’t seem to properly justify my existence) I can’t seem to put everything back together properly. After that lengthy introduction my question is, how do i know anything to actually wrong with me? Maybe i’m just disorganized and lazy? What if I’m just strangely eccentric with poor academic performance? The professionals i saw always hinted they had no real idea what was wrong with me in addition to caring very little. But how can you blame them? There might be hundreds of people who are claiming mental illness when they’re just sad, pissed off or unsociable. Am i missing something here? Any response i greatly appreciated.... and sorry for such a lengthy post.
My doctor sent me to a psychologist in the mental health wing of the local hospital. The set me up with counselling (which I regularly missed as i was afraid to leave my house) and put me on several medication. Initially i was given an antidepressant of which i can’t recall, which seemed to make things worse, but i was told to stay on it. After increasing dosages and worsening results i was switched to Paxil. I was then recommended to specialist at another mental health facility and he said i had psychosis put me on medication which i believe was called respiridone(sp?). I was given another pill for anxiety, all of which i can remember was a small green one and a name starting with L.
After sometime of dealing with medication with nominal results at best, counsellors and physiatrists who seemed apathetic to another run-of-the-mill case, and a deteriorating academic situation, I stopped everything and told myself i just had to get it together. I enrolled in school again, got a job and started putting things back together.
I am however again, dysfunctional, failing etc. I’m not suicidal (that in retrospect seems stupid, though i can’t seem to properly justify my existence) I can’t seem to put everything back together properly. After that lengthy introduction my question is, how do i know anything to actually wrong with me? Maybe i’m just disorganized and lazy? What if I’m just strangely eccentric with poor academic performance? The professionals i saw always hinted they had no real idea what was wrong with me in addition to caring very little. But how can you blame them? There might be hundreds of people who are claiming mental illness when they’re just sad, pissed off or unsociable. Am i missing something here? Any response i greatly appreciated.... and sorry for such a lengthy post.