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Pyschosis

~minnie~

~minnie~

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2008
Messages
137
Location
UK
I have been told that I am not well but I feel okay
I told them that the voices have started again but I am just getting on with things
They have said that I am aggressive and that I need to stop going out late at night for walks round the park but I feel fine
How do I tell them that I am okay and for them not to get in touch with psych etc
I had a review on Thursday and I wasn’t going to go because I didn’t feel the need to go
I keep myself to myself and I do talk back to the voices all the time
I am playing my music really loud to drown out the voices

I just want to be left alone
They say that I have suicidal ideation they must have overheard me talking about it
Okay I do have a hard time trying to cope with the voices but I have to deal with them my own way
The voices are telling me to do bad things and they said that I listened to them in the past and became a threat to people that they had to involve the police

My key worker came on Wednesday but I didn’t want to see her because I didn’t want her to say that I was unwell too and she told my social worker this on Thursday
I am just so fed up with them telling me that I am unwell when I am not, are they seeing something different to what I am seeing and feeling

okay I do try to understand why they don’t want me going for a walk round the park late at night but I have to get out of the flat its too dangerous to stay there
I am having trouble staying asleep for a few hours I just cant seem to relax and go to sleep I sleep with my headphones on listening to my music to drown out the voices and sometimes it helps

the reason I don’t stay in the flat is because they have bugged my flat I don’t feel safe in the flat I have been sleeping in the car some nights very uncomfortable but I feel safer and I am not being spied on
I haven’t been the day centre for over a week and they keep ringing me but I don’t answer the phone I don’t trust them
I have been coping my own way by self harming and they have found out now so they will be on my back about that too

I don’t take the tablets because they are poison they want me out of the way they are trying to destroy me I am not stupid I can see what they are doing and I even changed pharmacy before I stopped because they were trying to poison me and I wasn’t physically well for about two weeks after they gave me tablets so I changed pharmacy and they were all right but then I didn’t trust them either
I cant concentrate in work I only work 9hours a week in the family business and I only go to work to prove that I am okay and I am not unwell and I am supposed to go to the day centre 3 times a week but I just don’t trust them there they are out to get me too

I feel so angry right now with everyone watching my every move why cant they just leave me to deal with this my own way
They said the last time I dealt with this my own way I took a massive overdose but that doesn’t mean I am going to do it again does it.
I don’t even trust the food I eat because its being poisoned
my cousin cares for me doing my tea every night and I will only eat it if she’s eating the same thing

I see my cousin everyday and she knows that I have self harmed and being aggressive
I only see my dad once a week but I text him everyday and he hasn’t said I am different apart from being aggressive

I don’t go to my gp because even when I ring up for an appointment the receptionists know me right away and say my name right away so they are plotting against me too
I am not safe here any more I need to go somewhere where they don’t know me its even when I leave my cousins house I go all the way round the world to get home to make sure nobodies following me

Even when I go to the shops they are staring at me and talking about me whispering about me too I hate it

I rang my key worker C on Wednesday afternoon to ask her do I really have to go to the review because I haven’t got anything to say and she said that I didn’t have to but it would be good if I went so I heard what they had to say so she said she would ring me Thursday morning. She rang me Thursday morning and she kind of convinced me to go so I did.

We got to the day centre and went into the room and my social worker Irene was already there, I sat down and she asked how I was and I told her I was okay.
The other key worker L from the day centre came in and sat down. the social worker then asked me how I had really been and I told her that I have been okay but C stepped in and said that I haven’t been okay that I have been agitated and fidgety and sending texts to her phone without remembering doing and Irene asked me was I really okay and I said yes and Irene said that I cant be feeling okay if I have been sending those texts and I said I didn’t send any texts so and L stepped in and said did I remember talking to her last Wednesday saying that I was very angry and I told her I didn’t ring her up and say that but they said they wouldn’t lie about it
Irene then asked me about my medication how was I on it and I told her that I am not taking it and that I don’t need any medication but I and C said that maybe I do need to take medication because it will take the voices away and I told them I don’t need it
I suggested in making an appointment to see psych about changing meds and I told her that I don’t need to see anyone so I said she will make an appointment for the next 2 weeks and that I can tell the psych that I don’t need to take medication and I don’t need to see anyone.

I know when I go to see the psych she will suggest me going on another medication they will trick me into doing so I not stupid

I don’t know what to do all this is freaking me out the voices telling me to watch them they will trick me


Has anybody else experienced anybody saying that you are unwell when you feel okay and they have done something about it behind your back


..........all I am asking is how can I tell them that I am okay.... any advice please I am desperate


:oops: Sorry for the long post.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
~minnie~

~minnie~

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2008
Messages
137
Location
UK
Just wanted some advice and support, sorry for the long post
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
Hi Minnie I don't have the experience to try and give advice. All I can say is that you are obviously going through a very difficult time and I hope it all works out for you. It can be very difficult to accept that we need help in a crisis.You write extremely well about how you are feeling.
Take care and I'm sending you a big hug.:grouphug:
KP
 
~minnie~

~minnie~

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2008
Messages
137
Location
UK
.

Thanks Kp, for your kind words.
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
I think our posts have just crossed.
Don't worry about the post being long it really did explain how you feel and I'm sure you are not the only one so it will help other people as well.
Posts can be as long as we want on here as afterall people have a choice whether they read them or not.
Look after yourself.
KP:hug:
 
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