Putting Myself First

BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
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17,156
#1
So part of my healing my life was getting back in touch with family; only to be approached by some of that family and asked to be Official Carer.

Now Ive sort of discovered that the Caring is basically, do my dishes for me so I can lie around and be a street walking junkie

and in my opinion if a girl is well enough to jump in and out of cars all night for $20 and a hit, she's well enough to do her own laundry also

So now as of yesterday I have decided that I am going to Refuse the Offer, because shes told me she has no intention of quitting heroin.

So, if she's well enough to make all those decisions, and roll her own ciggers with one hand, she's well enough to wash her hair and change her sheets.

And I need to put myself first also, which means Saying No to being sucked dry by a junkie prostitute and her lifestyle.

Putting myself first means: this week i restart my own life; as of yesterday i will no longer put a seconds worry into the welfare of the walker; she has chosen a risky lifestyle and intends to continue it, so i must wish her well and respect that decision. But, it comes with Consequences which i will explain.

I will still text and visit and be Aunty, but I'm not going to enable her or sort her laundry or feed her or do any of the things i was led to believe she needed. She's just looking for another enabler/mother.

Sorry kid. I haven't got the resources to spare, and you really just want a Servant. If you weren't on the nod all damn day youd be able to do your own dishes.
 
S

spiritfriend

Guest
#2
Good luck.

My mother had to deal with people who used her as a servant. We're still stuck in an odd situation, but she's been collecting her strength to say no.

While drug addiction is no joke, and I hope she finds a way out of that hell, I understand the stress you must be dealing with.
It's tough, but I think sometimes you need to think about yourself.
It does worry me that she's still stuck in a tough lifestyle filled with drugs and other issues though.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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#3
She told me she wanted to quit - the psychiatrist skillfully drew it out of her that she only wants to quit methadone.

She is what they refer to as a "happy addict".

I just have to pull away again, in fact I feel a bit foolish I let her take me for a ride for as long as she did, one calendar month :D

On one hand, it's not wasted. She is in a bad way and needed to get to doctors etc.

On the other hand, It was wasted, because now I know she's well enough to work. So now I am justified in Saying No.

Stepping Away.

At the end of the day if she's working, no matter what it is she's doing, she is not entitled to care.

So her asking me was really just another way of her dipping into the govt purse. She would have used me as a bank most likely, give me $$, i know you have it, youre my Carer etc.

So i am going to tell her, I'm not going to do it.

Until she gets sick enough that she wants to change her lifestyle, I too am viewing her as Well Enough To Do It Herself.

It will be a fine line, I'm still going to help her in an Aunty way, and i skyped her father my bro yesterday and told him to at least send her a Xmas card because she feels very deserted

but he is literally waiting for the phone call telling him shes dead

now, i am too. her lifestyle is Incredibly Risky. Somethings going to happen, its no longer if, its when and what.

But, its Her Choice to live that way.

I get that now.

And its my choice to have boundaries also.

Like, she'd texted me she was working last night and i basically shrugged. The night before I asked her to let me know when she got home safe, today onwards I'm going to ask her to Not, because shes not a baby and I'm not her carer.

oh yes its a fine line between being there for them, and being used by them. and me fussing after her like shes 2, is Not Helpful.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
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17,156
#4
Good luck.

My mother had to deal with people who used her as a servant. We're still stuck in an odd situation, but she's been collecting her strength to say no.

While drug addiction is no joke, and I hope she finds a way out of that hell, I understand the stress you must be dealing with.
It's tough, but I think sometimes you need to think about yourself.
It does worry me that she's still stuck in a tough lifestyle filled with drugs and other issues though.

i cant believe i let her do it to me in the first place :D but i misunderstood the facts

as you do with junkies

let her be. Its Her Life.

Judge not, take her to get her tubes tied...the emphasis is not on Changing Them but Helping Them Be Safe and at the end of the day apparently working the streets is generally regarded as Safe, they have an Ugly Mug list, the girls look out for each other, the police are about a bit, they have Outreach vans that come down, and no ones gone missing even though this has all been going on for Ever.

Plus she has her skank mate doing some weird phone call from the mall every trick type thing. Her pimp in other words.

So, basically, the girl is Earning.

and my job is Not To Interfere. But also, Not Be Used which I have been. Or at least, She's Tried and Failed Miserably because its taken 1 calendar month and 1 psych appointment for me to See The Light :LOL:
 
Nikita

Nikita

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Jun 20, 2015
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#5
Whatever the ins and out outs of her using and being on the game,at least you cared enough to find out what was really going on BDU,your heart is in the right place and if she had been unable and had wanted to get clean you'd have gone all the way for her,I know that.

Unfortunately she was trying it on with you big time and you know know you were maybe taking on too much and that she is more capable than she was letting on,she probably was thinking of getting some $$$ carers allowance of you for herself.And she even wanted to kick the methadone for the real white powder with the money you were going to claim from the government for caring for her.

You have made absolutely the right decision not to take her on.She isn't going to help herself you would have been fighting for her and she would have been sabotaging your efforts all the way.You are not well yourself,arthritis,burititis and BPD and bipolar,it is a lot to cope with and your health and welfare should come first BDU.You have your life to set straight and you have plans for your own life you want to bring to fruition.Like you have sussed she wants a servant,well that can't be you,cleaning,washing,sheets,cooking food,taking her to appointments,keeping her off methadone that is a full time job and hard work for someone that is well,never mind all the ailments you have to live with.

Honestly don't feel bad,there is no doubt you cared,still care but what choice do you have when she is determined to continue to use and sell sexual favors.No, however much you love her you have to put yourself first as you are doing,it is for the best for both of you in the long run,she would have ended up using and abusing you and you'd have ended up hating her for it.

Good on you for being willing to help when you thought she was needing it,well done for realizing she was planning to mug you off.Never mind she took you in an dhad you fooled for a month,it was never going to be too long before you got wise to her tricks BDU.Put yourself first it is the right thing to do!
No wonder her dad lets her get on with it,and sees her as an adult has to take responsibility for herself,he probably knows her better than you did.
 
C

Crazy Lady In Stanton

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Joined
Aug 29, 2015
Messages
1,536
Location
Stanton, CA
#6
I'm glad you are out of that mess. I was concerned. I made the mistake of trusting my biological father when I was 19/20 years old. In my case, it completely fucked up my life. I'm glad you found out what was going on before things got really bad.
 
N

NeatMonster

Guest
#8
Off topic, I know but ...

It occurred to me that people who have strong opinions here on the forum are often overlooked when it comes to their human needs. People kind of assume (wrongly) that if you know what you think and you're not afraid to express it that you don't need much in the way of support. That said; here's a hug :hug: We all need one on occasion. I've sent one to cpuusage too - I think he could do with one now and again also.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
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17,156
#9
Thanks to everyone :hug:

yes I am now joking that it cost me $100, one calendar month and one psych appointment for me to See The Light which is pretty good considering most families wear this sort of shite for years

Its depressing but its not exactly surprising, also I feel like Ive got my life back now. Helping her looked like this Enormous Mountain, and now she's just given me an out.

Time to put myself first, I need a new life badly, I don't want to spend the new year doing what Ive been doing the last few years.

Its time something positive happened for me, and I suppose I'm going to have to create it out of nothing, as usual...!

But at least I wont have this particular barnacle attached to me. In a way Ive sort of got a new lease of life.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,156
#10
Ive exchanged texts with Niece but haven't seen her, I still have her Christmas present here.

No doubt I will hear from her when she needs something :D

I'm not going over there or inviting myself over I'm waiting for her to ask, as a result I haven't been over. Its all because of $$ no doubt, but I've said good bye to that.

I'm also wondering if shes given me nits :D

no joke, i think Ill shampoo just to be on the safe side.

Anyway ive been in a lot of pain with the arthritis so I didn't go out on NYE, i went out for lunch with a friend yesterday and realized how long its been, how much i missed it.

Ive got a job appointment soon where they discuss with me what i want to do for a job. I'm going to ask them to get me something, I'm sick and tired of being bored.

Ive decided to join a gym, with a pool.

Ive decided to stop going to the places I used to go, pretty much, start branching out into new adventures, and my new friend is interested in doing it also, so theres nothing stopping us.

Festival season is around the corner so we will be able to get out and have some real adventures, see plays and performances, eat food etc.

I'm quite looking forward to it all.

My daughter gave me an absolute gobful of text abuse, she was all, aren't you upset and i was all no, anythings better than silence


she sounded like a spoilt fucking baby tbh and it showed she is still about 12 in her head, so I'm Over It, Over her, Over them.

See you when i see you.

I feel energized. Like I'm so much better than i was a year ago despite all the abuse ive endured in the last year.

Maybe i had to endure all this abuse, for me to Finally Realise, everyone else can go and shove it.