Pushing people away because of insecurities

L

lostInJapan

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Joined
Sep 1, 2015
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1
#1
Recently, I've noticed a pattern that I go through when I meet new people. Usually, when I spend a lot of time with someone, especially someone similar to me, if they are better than me in something that is important to me or closely tied to my fragile self esteem (singing, archery, etc.), I start to feel really insecure, jealous, and my depression gets worse whenever I interact with them. Because of this, I try to push them away, but then things become tense since I see them on a regular basis and I used to be friendly towards them. They don't know that I have depression. I don't want to give someone so much power over my feelings and I want to make friends without blacklisting people. How do I avoid this situation when I get close to others?
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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Dec 26, 2015
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#3
not sure how old you are but if you are young it can be tough holding strong when you have insecurities.

depression it sucks. it creates isolation as we dont want to admit that we struggle with it. and then people dont know this and dont understand why we are like the way we are.

if you are repressing your feelings it will make you tired and on edge, these days i allow myself to cry but i wont let myself wallow in it. not saying that is what you are doing btw. for me its a fine line to have a cry and not to get sucked into the thinking that goes with it. it does help to seperate the two i am recently finding.

i use the thinking aspect part when i see the counselor so i keep a loose journal about this and so i have the space to cry but not get wrecked by the constanst negative thinking that goes with it and its interesting as when i have cried i dont feel so heavy. sure the thinking comes up but i dont do what i call thinking to the end of a sentence.

its hard not to blacklist people, as you are doing what you can to be "normal" and that takes its toll. the only way is to be honest and yeah you might loose a few "friends" along the way. but then you cant be real at the mo anyway a battle i am familiar with myself.
 

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