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Pushing boyfriend with bi-polar away?

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Vanillaflowr

New member
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
3
I'm really seeking advice as I'm in bits and can't stop crying. My boyfriend of a year isn't talking to me, he's pretty mad at me actually. He's just stormed off to work and not kissed me and I tried to kiss him and say goodbye and he said "get off me, I have to go to work" all because of last night.

We went round to our friends house who are also a couple but have known my boyfriend for 10 years so they know all about his ups and downs and his tendency go tantrum and go off the rails when he's feeling low. Basically my boyfriend has issues with me drinking, not even heavily but if I get slightly tipsy he gets agitated and accuses me of being drunk.
Last night the drinks were flowing, I joined in but only had 2 beers, very little ones at that. I rested my chin against him affectionately and he turned around to me and said "your drunk!" I said "no I'm not! I'm not even slightly tipsy! I'm telling you the truth" then he said, oh but you haven't told me the truth the other times! He walks off then I turn to our friends and tell them what he said and ask them if they think that I'm drunk, they both said I'm not at all and he's being selfish and a hypocrite because he seems to be able to drink as much as he likes.
Basically instead of it bein a small chat with him to not speak to me like that, it turns into a massive argument and his best friend telling him he's out of order and he can do one for all he cares. All I wanted was for them to back me up and help me to make him see sense it then my boyfriend stormed off and took the half an hour walk back to our house. I tried to ring him once but he didn't answer so I found no reason to try again as it would deem pointless.
Worried about where he was and if I can even get Into the house with the keys being in the door out female friend got a taxi back with me and he was sat there annoyed, telling out friend to leave so me and him can chat. She got into an argument with him and told him he's got serious issues and needs to see the doctor again but he refuses to get help. He went to bed and refused to listen. Our friend told me I shouldn't put up with his tantrums and he's acting quite controlling towards me. She leaves and when I go to bed my boyfriend tells me he has washed his hands of his best friends of 10 years which I feel absolutely terrible about because I didn't want any of that, I just wanted a diplomat to step in and make him see sense because I struggle on my own.

He tells me he doesn't care about me anymore and I can drink all I want now as he no longer cares. He kept on moving my arm away when I tried to hold him during the night, then this morning he refuses to answer me when I ask him questions. Then he said "I can't trust you anymore, I'm no longer going to tell you my problems that I have because you will just run off and tell everyone" I asked him why he's talking like this from the way they acted as I didn't have the arguments with him and he said "I don't care about you right now, why should I? I don't need to forgive you for anything your only human for what you did so you have nothing to be sorry for but I couldn't care less right now"

I'm in bits, I can't stop crying, we planned on looking for a new house this week and things in out relationship were really movin up and getting better, I learnt how to deal with his certain moods and now that this has happened he doesn't trust me but the way he talks to me sometimes when he's down is just not right. What should I do? I'm worried hes going to leave me and that I've changed his mind about me. I love him so much and he feels the same way about me but now I'm really worried I've ruined everything we have. Please help
 
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MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
Hi :)

I can't really give some good advice but sometimes it is good to have a little bit of space to let things calm down a little and then when you are both in a better state of mind have a mature chat about things.

Is there somewhere you can stay for a couple of days?

x
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
I'm sorry but this sounds like an abusive situation for you with your boyfriend, regardless of his mh condition. He still has to take responsibility for his actions and can't blame it on his mh, and what he showed you was not love in that situation, but manipulation, humiliation, inflicting emotional/verbal abuse and segragation from your supporters, then made it all about him. Regardless of his argument with ex buddies, it seems to me he brought all of this on then played on your love for him to further your pain and humiliation and place the blame onto you, when you tried to reconcile. Sometimes love isn't enough to hold things together and what he did are really dangerous red flags imo You should possibly have a safe location you can go to in the event the abuse turns physical and you need to escape. Do not let him segragate you from family and friends. Don't let him use his MH as the source of blame either. He is responsible for his actions regardless. Huge huge hugs. to you.
 
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Waverunner

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Feb 1, 2015
Messages
2,195
I agree with Gajolene, his behaviour seems controlling.
 
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suzy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2009
Messages
1,064
It sounds like you weren't drunk....ask him why he has such as issue of you drinking, and if you want to drink, drink. If he makes a fuss ignore him and see how he acts next time. Maybe he was attention seeking, you haven't ruined what you have, sounds like he is doing more of the ruining himself. Give him time to calm down and come to his senses


Also check he is taking his meds, maybe he is getting more irritable due to another reason
 
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