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Pure O or am I crazy?

A

Aciidrefluxx

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2017
Messages
8
Although I've never been professionally diagnosed with OCD of any kind, for the past few years, I've dealt with odd symptoms where I have thoughts of hurting my pets, and sometimes, my loved ones (parents). I've done a fair amount of googling my symptoms and the common theme thus far is "Harm OCD" or "Pure O". These symptoms rarely arise but when they do, they're ridiculous and so debilitating. Animals have always given me such joy and now I feel like I can't even enjoy their company anymore. Anything cute and fluffy triggers my thoughts/anxiety and I find myself avoiding them at all costs some days, which drains my soul, because without animals, what kind of happiness is there? The only time I feel somewhat okay is if I'm with other people, because to me "if they're here, I can't do anything to cause harm". I understand that if this is anxiety, it's illogical.. but that frustrates me regardless. I obsess about most things mentally, my health at times, relationships especially, my pet's health, my parent's health.... sometimes I lay awake at night and worry if they're alive or not, or if I should call and tell them I love them just in case I don't see them again. This is very paralyzing at times, and is often triggered in times of stress... but falls away for days, weeks or even months sometimes. I tend to ruminate, seek reassurance, avoid triggers, etc. I used to be a big horror movie buff, and intrigued by criminals and their behaviors but now I can't even see the words "serial killer" without being triggered. I've stopped watching these films, for the most part, unless I'm feeling exceptionally well... but I feel like this is taking over my life. I'm depressed, hopeless and I feel like such a shitty person... I also tend to think about my past and feel horrible for anything I've done to anyone... whether it was coming home to my alcoholic mother and lashing out on my dog or getting into fights with my mother because I felt so lost... I feel like I'm deeply evil and have a deep desire to cause harm although thinking of t hat sends me into such an anxious state, I can barely even function. Sorry this is all over the place. I've been at home for five days straight, sick, so I've spent far too much time in my head. I know seeking reassurance isn't going to make anything better in the long run and that perhaps living and dealing with uncertainty is what will benefit me most but I'm so lost... I don't want to do anything but I'm afraid that I want to do it in some way, if that makes any sense. So is this OCD? and if so, why am I not being helped for it?

By the way, I'm on lamotrigine 25mg because doc thinks I'm on the "bipolar spectrum" and also baclofen 30mg for anxiety. Still feel insane lately though.
 
R

rupas

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2017
Messages
2
OCD is silly and stupid yet demon. Kick his ass off.

I am a OCD patient. I could not attend college universities for last 5 years after passing high school because I could not study and read. I could not concentrate on reading and studying various disturbing thoughts of unbearable discomfort and imaginations occur.
According to my knowledge you must immediately change your doctor. Because its not bipolar disorder. Its pure o. It causes obsessive intrusive thoughts. You need mainly mindfulness based cognitive behavioural therapy and mental Exposure and Response Prevention therapy. I am presently taking Arip MT 10 and Serlift 250 (200+50) mg. It is helping me. So I suggest you to consult a good doctor.
And read these books: Mindfulness Workbook for OCD by Jon Hershfeild
Overcomming Obsessive Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M Winston......
 
letmein

letmein

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
1,092
I don't know much about PURE O but i feel the way my mind works I fit under this label. I can't go into details but I want t harm others. I've not hit anyone since 1999 so almost 20 years since now, but everyday I feel/see images of me doing wrong stuff. that god its only my thoughts and not my actions. though yesterday was the closest I have come in along time to losing it and are in shock waves today.
 
R

rupas

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2017
Messages
2
First you have to understand what is thought. Thought is just a thought. It has no physical power. Niether to harm yourself or any other. It is like a bubble. It happens to everyone. So what is the difference between us and them? That they dont give importance to each and everyone and just bypass them or ignore by thiunking it silly or impractical.
 
L

leaf121

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2017
Messages
10
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