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Pure O harm thoughts for 15 years

C

cabinlife2

New member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Messages
1
Location
WI
I am new here, & I finally found a name for what I've been dealing with most of my life(past 15 years especially) Pure O-OCD, with "harm" being where my obsessive thoughts "go"...
!5 years ago (NO stress at the time, life going well)I had extremely obsessive thought about hurting my kids(elem age at the time) then the thoughts switched to killing myself,& in the most horrific, to me, way...I know I didn't WANT to do that, but my the thought wouldn't stop. After a few weeks of this, & not eating, sleeping & barely functioning, I checked myself into a behavioral health unit. They diagnosed me with anxiety, depression, & OCD...which I though OCD was weird cause I never washed/checked, etc..
So, I got better with meds & therapy, but the harming myself was always in back of my mind, but I was dealing & it was ok.. SO now, the harm thoughts are back with a vengeance(major job stress the past 6 mos or so) Out of desperation, I Googled "obessive thoughts, no compulsions" & WOW! Blogs, physician website, & forums all came up. After a whole day of watching & searching I FINALLY understand it's Pure O-OCD(harm) What a relief just to have a name & know here are many others out there who can relate..
But just when I have a really good day, with hardly any obsessive thoughts, I go past my husband's cupboard & BAM, I'm right back there in the dark place....
 
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calypso

calypso

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Jan 5, 2011
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43,229
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Lancashire
You are struggling a lot aren't you. I understand intrusive thoughts and depression very well. Its awful and so exhausting too. As far as the thoughts go, I have done Mindfulness and found it really helpful in re-training my brain to stop with the obsessive thinking. But it requires a LOT of work to do it properly and get results. Our brains get into ruts and sometimes those are good things like for driving a car and not having to think about changing gears etc, but other habits are far more destructive. It might be an idea to look into mindfulness and see if it can help you.

Here is a starter idea of how it works, but its more than this in actuality.

How do I start practicing mindfulness? | Mental Health Forum
 
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