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PTSD Suffocating ***TRIGGER - Discusses abuse ***

9

96days

Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Glasgow
No meaningful connection to my family.

Witnessed a sexual assault when I was a kid.

A girl that made me like a part of myself took her own life, because life was cruel to her in ways.

I can't talk to anyone because rhyming off my problems just trivialises them. I hate that all I do is infect people.

I trigger when people try to set me up on dates, or ask me intimate questions about my love life. I especially trigger when the men at work start their misogynistic BS.

I only understand being alone. Every day I'm suffocating, and there's no one to talk to, because infecting others is a selfish option.
 
9

96days

Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Glasgow
No meaningful connection to my family.

Witnessed a sexual assault when I was a kid.

A girl that made me like a part of myself took her own life, because life was cruel to her in ways.

I can't talk to anyone because rhyming off my problems just trivialises them. I hate that all I do is infect people.

I trigger when people try to set me up on dates, or ask me intimate questions about my love life. I especially trigger when the men at work start their misogynistic BS.

I only understand being alone. Every day I'm suffocating, and there's no one to talk to, because infecting others is a selfish option.
It's terrible to go through all this. I don't know how to share it, because why should I be so selfish to force others to feel for me since I am so unfeeling. It is not anyone elses job to feel for me.

Everything seems like a pointless, painful cruel joke.
 
A

Am33

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
382
Location
Fiji
Have you looked into therapy it really helps to free us .You can find youtube videos on it too . Sexual assault is a terrible thing . There is a new woman's movement starting this decade where women will rise up more and more and demand changes . A end to the terrible things happening to woman around the world . Its very good to talk about your feelings releasing them from your mind .Many people find a deserted place and just shout what feelings they have in them to release them . :)
 
9

96days

Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Glasgow
Have you looked into therapy it really helps to free us .You can find youtube videos on it too . Sexual assault is a terrible thing . There is a new woman's movement starting this decade where women will rise up more and more and demand changes . A end to the terrible things happening to woman around the world . Its very good to talk about your feelings releasing them from your mind .Many people find a deserted place and just shout what feelings they have in them to release them . :)
Hi Am33,

Thanks for taking the time to be there.

I should have mentioned I am a young adult male myself. I strive to educate myself on women's issues through every daily instance.

I trigger the most because the girl whom I was close to, who took her own life, is always there to me, every time I close my eyes. I've tried to open up to people, but I've learned not to feel in order to survive, because there is so much harshness and disturbing behaviour I have to endure every day.

I always think to myself what were the words she did not yet have?

Right now, all roads lead to self-annihilation.
 
anex

anex

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 1, 2020
Messages
224
Location
USA
Hi Am33,

Thanks for taking the time to be there.

I should have mentioned I am a young adult male myself. I strive to educate myself on women's issues through every daily instance.

I trigger the most because the girl whom I was close to, who took her own life, is always there to me, every time I close my eyes. I've tried to open up to people, but I've learned not to feel in order to survive, because there is so much harshness and disturbing behaviour I have to endure every day.

I always think to myself what were the words she did not yet have?

Right now, all roads lead to self-annihilation.
I understand that feeling. You can’t see any path towards true happiness. But not all roads lead to self-anihilation. Let’s help you cut some trees down to help you see better❤
I think it’s really amazing how you think of this girl you were close to. It sounds like she made a huge, lovely impact on you.
You’re not being selfish by talking to people about what’s bothering you. I promise. If they don’t have much to give in that moment, they can say so. But taking up space is okay. Getting your needs met is okay. Expressing how you feel is okay. None of it is wrong or trivial. I totally get not wanting to feel. It served a purpose. It sounds like it might not be doing that anymore, though. It sounds like it’s troubling you- the not feeling and keeping everything inside. I’m glad you’re reaching out here, though. When you say you infect people, what is causing you to believe that?
 
9

96days

Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Glasgow
I'd much rather be alone.

My mood has been so poor for such a long time, I can't even relate to purpose, reason, or thinking with any other living thing.

I have no interest in my being and the confusion is overwhelming. Having to fight back the tears and endure the painful lump in my throat from such sadness, every day, is exhausting.

I often think I have crossed a line from which there is no return.

The days are very intimidating, and in a figurative sense are so dark and suffocating.
 
9

96days

Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Glasgow
Now, I'm enveloped by chaotic darkness, and running out of the necessary tools to survive.
 
anex

anex

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 1, 2020
Messages
224
Location
USA
I'd much rather be alone.

My mood has been so poor for such a long time, I can't even relate to purpose, reason, or thinking with any other living thing.

I have no interest in my being and the confusion is overwhelming. Having to fight back the tears and endure the painful lump in my throat from such sadness, every day, is exhausting.

I often think I have crossed a line from which there is no return.

The days are very intimidating, and in a figurative sense are so dark and suffocating.
That sounds so painful.
You mentioned you would rather be alone. You’re reaching out here, so do you think maybe you don’t really want to be alone? It certainly feels easier sometimes, but that’s only because of toxic shame and guilt that we don’t need or deserve to experience.
 
9

96days

Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Glasgow
I've been enduring the feeling of suffocation for so long now, I've been fighting for so long I know nothing other than fighting.

(15+ years) not near anyone.
 
anex

anex

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 1, 2020
Messages
224
Location
USA
I've been enduring the feeling of suffocation for so long now, I've been fighting for so long I know nothing other than fighting.

(15+ years) not near anyone.
That’s a long time. Not a single person?
 
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