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PTSD I Didn't Know I Had

S

SicklyBloom

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Joined
Mar 20, 2020
Messages
215
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The Unknown
For about 8 years I've been blocking out a traumatic memory that you can say is a form of Religious Trauma. I was brought up in a Catholic family and my parents were only following tradition. I was 14 years old and had no knowledge about religion at all, I was naïve and just did what my parents wanted. I was still in middle school when my mother put my through classes and I just simply did it. All I can remember is that nothing really made sense and all I knew was don't be hateful or violent and good things will happen to you. I was innocent back then, I never thought religion would be so closely tied to my identity until I was much older when I realized that was far from the message conveyed to me. I realized I have participated in false commitments to a religion that opposed everything I stood for, that both my parents families were terrible people. Now I feel as though I can't escape my religious upbringing and now it gives me flashbacks to when I've been bullied and abused by people in the same setting. My parents aren't to blame but my mother's aunt left a scar that I feel I can't separate myself from. Now at 22, you could say that my beliefs are more aligned with Eastern philosophy, meditation, and yoga. But I can't help but feel damaged by religion and being indoctrinated without consent due to lack of knowledge and wondering if one day I'll ever be able to dissociate it for good. I thought I'd be the last one to endure it but now I hold all of this generational trauma that has encased me mentally as a person. How do I remove myself and still have a family? I do make it clear that I am not related to an institution for the sake of my mental stability? I don't feel safe, I feel like my abusive extended family is out there waiting to drag me down. I don't feel free and I'm scared of living a lie.

To top it off, my parents left after I came to realization it was messed up because I came out bisexual at 14. But the scars remain on my family nearly a decade later.
 
M

Miliana

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Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
62
Location
France
Hi !

Before hand I want to thank you for telling your story..
I am really unsure if what I will say will help but just you know you are not alone in this ❤

My family is religious, mainly orthodox but my grandparents are muslims, I know you might think it has nothing to do with your problem but we all believe in the same god, it's the important part!
My mother is very religious, but I still could control my thoughts... I advice just to distance yourself, I still pray every night but I pray for what I want, I pray for the safety of my family and the people I love.
Religion should not be forced on anyone, please take care of yourself.
Reinvent a new image of God If you need to, that's what I do.

I come from a country where homosexuality is kind of forbidden so I could never come out to my parents, but my sexuality doesn't concern them it only concern me :)
I am very sad to learn that your family uses religion to justify their fear, and that it has such bad repercussions on you..

I hope you will get better soon ❤
And I am very happy that you could use eastern philosophy like you said to feel better for a moment, I'm sure it will be even more helpful to you !
(Sorry if there was any mistakes;;)
 
fragrant_violet

fragrant_violet

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Joined
Mar 29, 2021
Messages
1,170
Location
Tirana
I mentioned in another topic the harm that Catholicism has done to the minds of so many folk. Its wrong, but it gets perpetuated from one generation to another.

So first of all, congratulate yourself for seeing the light and rejecting it.

Your sexuality is your own and nobody can take it away from you. Your parents must of felt that they failed when you told them you were bi, and don't know where to turn. It goes against all their indoctrinated beliefs.

As to what to do, you are already on the right track - meditation. If you're not doing every day, you should.

Your meditations should concentrate on forgiveness and loving kindness. Towards all the people, family who have caused you distress. Not easy, but can be done. For example, imagine your enemies floating out of your body in miniature form.

Here are some guided audio meditations to get you going

www.freemindfulness.org

YouTube has many. Jon Kabatt-Zinn is good.

There's also a British Buddhist monk in Oz called Ajarn Brahm who has become a bit of a celebrity. His talks are interesting and I believe he does monthly. Just listen to them for inspiration. I don't anymore coz he's become repetitive but its good stuff when you hear for the first time.

This is all gonna take time but start now.
 
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