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PTSD, Heart Condition, Medication Side Effects, Financial Failure, Marriage Breakup

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Comeback62

New member
Joined
Jan 1, 2015
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PTSD, Heart Condition, Medication Side Effects, Financial Failure, Marriage Breakup

I am a 62 year old man who is trying to cope with daily bouts of paralyzing anxiety.

In 2001 I was displaced from my home across the street from the World Trade Center in New York City and my apartment was part of the 9-11 "Ground Zero" crime scene. I moved to the suberbs with my wife. (PTSD)

I have been self-employed since 2006 as a computer consultant which requires a high level of mental clarity. (effected by medication)

In 2008 I had an ICD (like a pacemaker) implanted because of irregular heartbeat from time to time. Immediately after the implant I began getting shocks to my heart somewhat randomly requiring fine-tuning of the device and my mediation. Eventuially things stablized and I was able to function normally.

The medications have had side effects and I began experiencing depression and anxiety at levels I could not cope with.

Three years ago, my marriage began to fail and I started drinking heavily. I eventually went to a behavioral health clinic and was prescribed an SSRI to deal with depression. It helped.

I stopped drinking for six months and felt better. I was able to at least function. Eventually, I allowed myself to drink socially, but not to the excess like before.

Financial stresses continued, however. This past August I lost my temper with my wife and left her without a plan as to where I would live.

I began spiraling out of control, I did not take my heart medications reliably and I started drinking again. I was also experiencing very high levels of stress resulting trying to keep my businesses and projecvts alive.

I then had a serious incident with my ICD which nearly killed me and required hospitalization. I was in the hospital for a couple of nights before being released with a clean bill of health from my doctors, but a high level of stress and anxiety. Since then I have tried to clean up my act and make a comeback.

I have stopped drinking and began living with friends moving from one to another I also stopped taking my SSRI because I did not like the effects and I read it was not good for my heart condition.

I am making progress with some kindness from friends and family, but I am experiencing symptioms of depression and anxiety and I do not want to take any medications for fear of upsetting the balance of heart medications and side-effects.

I am struggling daily with depression and paralyzing anxiety but I think I can come back with a little help.

Even though friends and family have been kind to me, nobody seems to care about me or whether I live or die. I feel alone and isolated and unloved.

Can anyone out there help me?
 

cpuusage

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
37,634
Location
Planet Lunatic Asylum
Welcome to the forum.

If it's any consolation, you're far from alone in dealing with the struggles of life & all these difficulties.

Ultimately i think we need to be our own healers.

It's said that life is a free fall jump without a parachute - a lot i feel has to come down to acceptance, being grateful & making the most of it all.

Plenty of people to chat with on this forum.
 
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