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PTSD because of traumatic psychiatric hospital experience

B

bazzlem

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Hi all,

I was sectioned under the mental health act and spend 7 months in a psychiatric hospital. It was very traumatic for me. Staff restrained me multiple times, they broke my wrist, broke my collar bone and punched me in the face. I'm suffering from really bad flashbacks to this experience. I have 7 months of horrible memories of hospital and I;'m really struggling. Feeling very suicidal.
 
PetitPois

PetitPois

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Hi @bazzlem I read your other thread and it sounds like you are having such a tough time right now.

Do you have any support at all? Family, friends or professional help? Have you seen your GP at all? You really need support with what happened to you at the hospital as well as support for why you were in hospital. I get that you don't want to make a complaint, but you had a really traumatic experience happen to you that is unacceptable.

I am glad you found this forum. There seems to be some really good people here 🤗
 
NWiddi

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I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I hope things improve for you soon. It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

Take care.
 
Talina

Talina

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Hi bazzlem, I’m sorry you are feeling so low. It would be good trying to get professional help for example therapy. You can try online therapy. I checked your first post where you mentioned you couldn’t handle seeking help.

But doing therapy from a distance in your own home, maybe could be a way to get more support.

At least I hope the forum can give you a bit of support.
 
B

bazzlem

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Hi petitpois, thanks for taking the time to reply i really appreciate it. I have a psychiatrist and CPN. I've not had any treatment for PTSD yet and I am a year and 4 months out of hospital. I have not been able to function since coming out of hospital, lying in bed all day and struggling to get out of bed. Every day is a struggle for me. The professionals are saying I need to do stuff on a regular basis but I'm really lacking in motivation. My motivation level is zilch so i find it very hard to do stuff. I have no energy and I am having flashbacks to hospital. I'm really struggling at the moment. When i came out of hospital I had a family split up as well. We feel my breakdown was caused by a bad toxic relationship so I ended the relationship with my ex partner. We have a son together so this is more sad, I am now a single dad and I feel terrible about that. The psychotic really ruined my life. Before this happened to me i was enjoying life, i was going out with friends, going to the gym, playing pool, going bowling and socialising. I had been going to the gym for years and was quite muscly. Because i spent 7 months in hospital the muscle I spent years building up wasted away and now I'm a wee skinny runt. I just hate myself, i have no self-esteem or confidence. I was very confident before this happened to me. I just wish this didnt happen because my life was good before it. My family don't agree though they say I was unhappy in my relationship.

I'm very suicidal, i just wish I had the courage to do it. I think I will hopefully have the courage to take my own life.
 
PetitPois

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Hi @bazzlem please don't do that. I don't have children so I can't speak on that much, but I really do relate to a lot of what you are feeling and have experienced. I am struggling myself at the moment. I know it is difficult. You sound desperate, in pain and overwhelmed. Please just try to continue talking to people here on the forum.

Low self esteem is awful, a lot of us here struggle with it too. I came here feeling pretty desperate, and I have stayed here talking and just having somewhere with people who accept me and my illness is really helping.
 
Talina

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You can still overcome the trauma and it will take time to heal. Try to reach out for help and stay here on the forum to talk.

What you have experienced is horrible and it’s understandable it will leave lasting trauma. It’s something no one should go through.

Do you have anything that work distracting yourself for example talking with a friend or family, listening to music etc. that can help easing your mind.
 
B

bazzlem

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It's just i can remember what i was doing when i was ill. I was crawling about floors, hiding under the bed, writing on walls, putting my head down toilet pans. Remembering all this is very disturbing and it turns my stomache. I hate psychosis so much. It is the second time I have had a psychotic breakdown in my life and I wonder what is wrong with my brain.
 
Talina

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That must be tough to remember everything from your psychosis.

There are a few people on the forum that have gone through psychosis and know how it is and feel. Maybe talking with a few could help you to know you aren’t alone.
 
D

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I’ve been down that rabbit hole and I’m with you at the moment. Start with small steps. Try to force yourself to try something you used to enjoy. It will take multiple attempts. Everything fell apart after my hospital visit. It’s been a year and I’m still overeating, gained at least 50 pounds. Smoking cigarettes again after almost two years of quitting. Started doing art and it keeps me from eating or smoking as much but feels impossible for me to give up right now. Small steps. Tackling one bad habit or change at a time.
I’m so sorry about your breakup but believe what you know to be true about your relationship, they can’t think for you and they can’t feel your feelings.
 
NWiddi

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We all did things we can't believe we actually did whilst psychotic, I was crawling around on my floor hiding from people who were going to shoot me through my windows and much much worse and embarrassing things too.

We have to try and put these things behind us, I take my meds so it doesn't happen again and touch wood it hasn't happened since taking them.

If you want an explanation I'll share my theory, I believe it's all down to a chemical produced by the Pineal gland called DMT, this DMT is very similar to Psilocybin found in LSD or Magic Mushrooms, our brains naturally produce this but an enzyme produced by the liver usually breaks it down to harmless levels so we're not all walking around tripping all day.

But for some of us I believe this DMT gets overproduced, I don't know why exactly but it may have something to do with Dopamine levels because ever since I started taking anti-psychotics which reduce Dopamine activity I've been fine.

So I believe you did nothing wrong, you were just a victim of unfortunate events that were beyond your control. This could happen to anyone at any time. Please don't be hard on yourself.
 
B

bazzlem

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It's ruined my life. The hardest part is becoming a single dad and not being able to work because of PTSD. How am i going to be able to afford my mortgage if I can't work?
 
I

itsmeagain

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Bazzlem.
There are many great people on this forum.
We can talk to you and help you feel better.
 
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