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PTSD and emotional neglect

R

RockyMountainsGirl

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May 1, 2021
Messages
90
Location
Alberta, Canada
If your younger brother was your parent, then I can see that your mom had issues. She couldn't parent you and perhaps your older brother. If your older brother was hospitalized for psychosis, then he may have a mental illness.

Up to 15% of individuals in the general population also have some type of psychotic experience. Most function adequately and don't need psychiatric treatment and do not have a psychotic illness like bipolar illness, etc.

I have major depressive disorder (major depression) from my trauma. Unless I take medication, I'm depressed all the time. My first symptom was horrible sleeplessness (insomnia), but some people sleep too much with this illness. A psychiatrist diagnosed me and prescribed antidepressants.
 
LizBo

LizBo

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Jul 1, 2019
Messages
982
Location
Down-under
Yeah. She had me when she was 19 and had abusive issues with my biological father. I still remember a couple of incidents, but I don't know where to place them. The thing is, I'm in the middle with the abuse part because for some reason at the time (and even now if she's mad) I jump back and feel threatened. I did that once three years ago. I was on the ground and mother said something (she didn't believe I was sick that hour ago) and I don't know what she did, but my whole body jumped back. My brother was there telling me its okay.

But I honestly don't know what originally would cause that type of reaction. Nowadays, although she's a wonderful mother, I'm glad I don't live around her "energy."

She had a lot of divorces, taking care of me with epilepsy, and my younger brother was basically my parent while she worked single parent. I think my other brother developed psychosis and its full blown now....

I'll have a look at that. I saw a book Running on Empty I might read, but debating on it.
Your motivation to get to the bottom of things is really inspiring Carlita. Self insight is a gift for healing/recovery; you're so courageous! (y)

Among many ah-ha moments I've had over the years, a couple stick out. I used to feel a physical sensation in my body when I felt love for a man. After evaluating many experiences 'from my perspective', not theirs, I realised it was fear, not love.

Now I know this sounds weird, but both my parents were volatile so relating with them or witnessing how they related was how I learned to love. (Note, there was sexual abuse from my father as well) In my home, love was indeed scary...

'Schemers'; beliefs from early childhood that are ingrained and invisible within our psyche, but have huge power over our thoughts, reactions and behaviour.

I suffered for years asking why my mum wouldn't love me 'properly', (like you, no touching, affection or empathy) so did my siblings. Out of the blue one day it suddenly dawned on me; it was that she didn't know how to love me and, she refused to let me love her. What an insight! I grieved for hours about all the years I'd lost being disappointed and angry with her.

I told my sisters and we decided to hug and kiss her each time we saw her. Needless to say she was embarrassed and uneasy with our approach, but you know what, it changed her life and our relationships with her to this day.

It isn't so much about what happened in childhood, it's what we do, say and think 'now' that's important. Finding the links, (beliefs) that have influenced us is a path to self discovery and the opportunity to change and grow.
Hope this helps...
Liz x
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
90
Location
Alberta, Canada
Your motivation to get to the bottom of things is really inspiring Carlita. Self insight is a gift for healing/recovery; you're so courageous! (y)

Among many ah-ha moments I've had over the years, a couple stick out. I used to feel a physical sensation in my body when I felt love for a man. After evaluating many experiences 'from my perspective', not theirs, I realised it was fear, not love.

Now I know this sounds weird, but both my parents were volatile so relating with them or witnessing how they related was how I learned to love. (Note, there was sexual abuse from my father as well) In my home, love was indeed scary...

'Schemers'; beliefs from early childhood that are ingrained and invisible within our psyche, but have huge power over our thoughts, reactions and behaviour.

I suffered for years asking why my mum wouldn't love me 'properly', (like you, no touching, affection or empathy) so did my siblings. Out of the blue one day it suddenly dawned on me; it was that she didn't know how to love me and, she refused to let me love her. What an insight! I grieved for hours about all the years I'd lost being disappointed and angry with her.

I told my sisters and we decided to hug and kiss her each time we saw her. Needless to say she was embarrassed and uneasy with our approach, but you know what, it changed her life and our relationships with her to this day.

It isn't so much about what happened in childhood, it's what we do, say and think 'now' that's important. Finding the links, (beliefs) that have influenced us is a path to self discovery and the opportunity to change and grow.
Hope this helps...
Liz x
You mom might not have been as bad as this, but some moms (like my mom) are incapable of feeling love and empathy. Perhaps your mom would be willing to go for counselling with her kids to learn how to feel closeness?

My mom wouldn't get help because she saw the rest of the world as the problem. My mom was completely lacking in self awareness and remorse and did really sick things.

I don't see her anymore, and I had to move out in grade 10 because she had been trying to get rid of me since grade 7. She wanted to send me to an all-girls school, a place she said was for "wayward women."

My mom was extreme. She had/has maternal narcissism or is a psychopath and I'm not exaggerating or being mean when I say this. She was manipulative and unable to see anyone else's point of view.
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
72
Location
virginia
Your motivation to get to the bottom of things is really inspiring Carlita. Self insight is a gift for healing/recovery; you're so courageous! (y)

Among many ah-ha moments I've had over the years, a couple stick out. I used to feel a physical sensation in my body when I felt love for a man. After evaluating many experiences 'from my perspective', not theirs, I realised it was fear, not love.

Now I know this sounds weird, but both my parents were volatile so relating with them or witnessing how they related was how I learned to love. (Note, there was sexual abuse from my father as well) In my home, love was indeed scary...

'Schemers'; beliefs from early childhood that are ingrained and invisible within our psyche, but have huge power over our thoughts, reactions and behaviour.

I suffered for years asking why my mum wouldn't love me 'properly', (like you, no touching, affection or empathy) so did my siblings. Out of the blue one day it suddenly dawned on me; it was that she didn't know how to love me and, she refused to let me love her. What an insight! I grieved for hours about all the years I'd lost being disappointed and angry with her.

I told my sisters and we decided to hug and kiss her each time we saw her. Needless to say she was embarrassed and uneasy with our approach, but you know what, it changed her life and our relationships with her to this day.

It isn't so much about what happened in childhood, it's what we do, say and think 'now' that's important. Finding the links, (beliefs) that have influenced us is a path to self discovery and the opportunity to change and grow.
Hope this helps...
Liz x
Wow. That's an uplifting testimony. You guys still hugging your mother?

Interestingly enough (I guess?) my situation was quite the opposite. My brother is angry with (his) um our mother (I don't know why I keep saying "his" mother as if she isn't related to me-my therapist spotted that) that he tried hurting himself.

For me, I came out of my mother's house once to be with my friend (trigger behind it). I got in the car and told my friend what happened. She looked at me and said, "you hate your mother, do you?" I never remember expressing hate for any one. At least not saying it if anything at all. I never did answer her but it always stuck. Maybe I am angry with her since my brother seem to share each other's physiological sentiment at the time, but honestly, I wouldn't know what to do to show it. My brother wrote her a long letter telling her how he felt in an unstable household among other things. She never forgave him even when he reached out when he didn't have to given his homelessness and lack of resources.

The good news, though, is my mother is taking care of herself. My sister and her boyfriend are somewhat homeless but mother has matured in the years that they don't get in each other's hair more than the usually daughter/mother concerns. I can spend up to a day with my mother but I do get triggers. Last time I was there, I was rocking (therapist said it was from anxiety) like I did in the past. She found me and said why are you rocking, and I told her I didn't know. She said I looked like (paused) that I crazy (under her breathe but not meant to be insulting). This was a year or so ago.

Anyway. Sorry. I'm trying to figure how to start with my possible new therapist this Thursday. With schemers I'm a living example. You'll see my picture next to definition, if you looked it up. Ha.
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
90
Location
Alberta, Canada
You're right, my testimony is NOT uplifting. My childhood was very tragic, perhaps much more so than yours and that may be why it's tough to empathize with my situation. I can see that your brother, who hurts himself, needs psychological help, and I hope he is receiving the help he needs. Best of luck to you, too.
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
982
Location
Down-under
Wow. That's an uplifting testimony. You guys still hugging your mother?

Interestingly enough (I guess?) my situation was quite the opposite. My brother is angry with (his) um our mother (I don't know why I keep saying "his" mother as if she isn't related to me-my therapist spotted that) that he tried hurting himself.

For me, I came out of my mother's house once to be with my friend (trigger behind it). I got in the car and told my friend what happened. She looked at me and said, "you hate your mother, do you?" I never remember expressing hate for any one. At least not saying it if anything at all. I never did answer her but it always stuck. Maybe I am angry with her since my brother seem to share each other's physiological sentiment at the time, but honestly, I wouldn't know what to do to show it. My brother wrote her a long letter telling her how he felt in an unstable household among other things. She never forgave him even when he reached out when he didn't have to given his homelessness and lack of resources.

The good news, though, is my mother is taking care of herself. My sister and her boyfriend are somewhat homeless but mother has matured in the years that they don't get in each other's hair more than the usually daughter/mother concerns. I can spend up to a day with my mother but I do get triggers. Last time I was there, I was rocking (therapist said it was from anxiety) like I did in the past. She found me and said why are you rocking, and I told her I didn't know. She said I looked like (paused) that I crazy (under her breathe but not meant to be insulting). This was a year or so ago.

Anyway. Sorry. I'm trying to figure how to start with my possible new therapist this Thursday. With schemers I'm a living example. You'll see my picture next to definition, if you looked it up. Ha.
Thankyou for the nice words Carlita :) And, I'll be sure to look you up in the dictionary! Ha-ha
I think you'll benefit from the forum. We share, discuss and vent knowing there's always someone listening and validating us, our suffering and our will to recover.

I truly hope you gel with your new therapist hun. Finding the right one can be a game changer of huge magnitude. I went through a few before finding my current one; we actually went to school together. 😬 I didn't realise because of her married name, so when I walked in I went all shades of red, but she's been brilliant.

Crossing my fingers for you... 🤞

Warm thoughts;
Liz

PS...Sorry for the short reply; I have a big day today. Might catch up tomorrow. 👵
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
72
Location
virginia
Thankyou for the nice words Carlita :) And, I'll be sure to look you up in the dictionary! Ha-ha
I think you'll benefit from the forum. We share, discuss and vent knowing there's always someone listening and validating us, our suffering and our will to recover.

I truly hope you gel with your new therapist hun. Finding the right one can be a game changer of huge magnitude. I went through a few before finding my current one; we actually went to school together. 😬 I didn't realise because of her married name, so when I walked in I went all shades of red, but she's been brilliant.

Crossing my fingers for you... 🤞

Warm thoughts;
Liz

PS...Sorry for the short reply; I have a big day today. Might catch up tomorrow. 👵
Wow. You went to school with her?! Did you guys know each other or just at the same school?
 
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