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PTSD and emotional neglect

carlita

carlita

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Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
215
Location
virginia
Bare with me. I'm new.

I'm seeing a therapist and contacted a trauma therapist too to get some more specific insight. I'm just started addressing all the "feelings" left behind I went through and didn't know was still there unless I'm triggered. Guess I still feel like a child in an adult's body. I looked up inner child work and found journaling (I have five journals now!) works a lot. I went backwards to go through my experiences and just other stuff. I looked back to the first journals and realized just yesterday, I really was traumatized! I'm not diagnosed with PTSD but I do know if I take time out to think stuff comes out. I found an inner child meditation video and just cried.

Anyhow. Not sure how this works and all. My problem is where to start addressing what I already know. I'm still waiting for the trauma therapist to get back to me to make an appointment. My current regular therapist is helping me with the emotional stuff but she doesn't know how to do the working with the past type of thing.

Anyway. I hope I meet people who share some of my experiences as well as friendly supportive folks.

Thanks

(Sorry. Not ready to share my story yet)
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Staff member
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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
13,466
Location
England
You can say anything you feel you need to or want to, please don't worry about that.

I hope the therapist gets back to you.

In my experience, everything takes time and it isn't a sprint but a marathon. Recovering and healing takes place every single day, every day that puts the past further and further behind us. Therapy off and on, time resting, time laughing, time crying.

I feel strongly that if something feels right and like it is helping, we should do that. If it is causing more pain, it is ok to step back for a while or stop doing that thing. If talking helps, do it, if it doesn't, take a break. Try everything, rest lots.

Sympathy for ourselves, being kind to ourselves, it is so important. It has helped me so much to appreciate the pain i have been through. It isn't about blame for me, just love for myself, care for myself, forgiving myself, looking after myself and giving myself a break sometimes. Accepting i am not perfect.

Rest
Take your time
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
215
Location
virginia
You can say anything you feel you need to or want to, please don't worry about that.

I hope the therapist gets back to you.

In my experience, everything takes time and it isn't a sprint but a marathon. Recovering and healing takes place every single day, every day that puts the past further and further behind us. Therapy off and on, time resting, time laughing, time crying.

I feel strongly that if something feels right and like it is helping, we should do that. If it is causing more pain, it is ok to step back for a while or stop doing that thing. If talking helps, do it, if it doesn't, take a break. Try everything, rest lots.

Sympathy for ourselves, being kind to ourselves, it is so important. It has helped me so much to appreciate the pain i have been through. It isn't about blame for me, just love for myself, care for myself, forgiving myself, looking after myself and giving myself a break sometimes. Accepting i am not perfect.

Rest
Take your time

Thank you for the warm welcome. I found out a good exercise I can do since gestures help when I can't talk. I put my hand over my chest and say it's okay. A lot of times it feels like I'm faking all of this.
 
babyblue22

babyblue22

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Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
337
Location
Uk
I have not long had a diagnosis of PTSD, just be kind to yourself. Lots of people on here and will have had the same experiences as you. Take your time & get to know people ❤️
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
13,466
Location
England
Thank you for the warm welcome. I found out a good exercise I can do since gestures help when I can't talk. I put my hand over my chest and say it's okay. A lot of times it feels like I'm faking all of this.
I say
You are doing so well
to myself.

I sometimes say
Come on, get up and...
or tell myself that it could be worse, that i am very lucky.
It is a fine balance isn't it.
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

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Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
206
Location
Alberta, Canada
I understand what you mean when you say that not all therapists deal with trauma. In my experience, lots of therapists use 'grounding techniques,' which are said to "help you pull away from flashbacks, unwanted memories, and negative or challenging emotions." That's what it says in an article titled "30 grounding techniques to quiet distressing thoughts."

I also read that a criticism of this type of cognitive behavioral therapy is that it doesn't get us to look at our past, our experiences.

I, too, have trauma, but instead of having the regular PTSD, I think I have something called "complex posttraumatic stress disorder," which is a newer condition that I'm just learning about. I'm not sure how therapists treat patients with this.

I had a horrific childhood with lots of neglect and abuse for a long time. I also went to five different elementary schools, never fit in, and was bullied by other kids. Every time I started going to a new school, another one was built in the new area where my parents had just bought a house and I had to start going to that new school. I'm sorry if the fact that I was abused is hard to hear.

This is sadly true for lots of kids and teens, and I think adults should step in to help them. I wish the neighbors who could no doubt hear me cry and plead for help had called police.
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
215
Location
virginia
I understand what you mean when you say that not all therapists deal with trauma. In my experience, lots of therapists use 'grounding techniques,' which are said to "help you pull away from flashbacks, unwanted memories, and negative or challenging emotions." That's what it says in an article titled "30 grounding techniques to quiet distressing thoughts."

I also read that a criticism of this type of cognitive behavioral therapy is that it doesn't get us to look at our past, our experiences.

I, too, have trauma, but instead of having the regular PTSD, I think I have something called "complex posttraumatic stress disorder," which is a newer condition that I'm just learning about. I'm not sure how therapists treat patients with this.

I had a horrific childhood with lots of neglect and abuse for a long time. I also went to five different elementary schools, never fit in, and was bullied by other kids. Every time I started going to a new school, another one was built in the new area where my parents had just bought a house and I had to start going to that new school. I'm sorry if the fact that I was abused is hard to hear.

This is sadly true for lots of kids and teens, and I think adults should step in to help them. I wish the neighbors who could no doubt hear me cry and plead for help had called police.

I kinda understand what you mean. I did call another trauma therapist earlier and waiting for his call after 12. Couple others didn't answer. I haven't gone through physical abuse, but I do remember telling myself years ago it was emotional abuse though couldn't put a name to it. Now that I'm older, I'd say emotional neglect. My mother was a good mother-helped me medically and all of that but when it came to emotions and helping me with my depression and impulses, she knew nothing about...not just ignorance but devaluing (well, I don't remember as much but I think if I did, it would help why I do the things I do).

I think the main problem is that I don't have PTSD symptoms. Instead, it's just feels like part of my personality-the impulses, emotional outbursts, and things like that. My brother got the worse of it (and made me think there's more to it than meets the eye). I finally asked him if he knew if I or someone was abused or maybe witnessed it cause of stuff that pops up that I have no clue where it comes from.

I can't mention it online (just to my therapist), but in general, it's bothering me mentally and I listed my triggers, but physiologically, it only appears when I'm in a conversation or triggering event. Outside of that, like now, I'm fine if I don't go into detail.
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
215
Location
virginia
I understand what you mean when you say that not all therapists deal with trauma. In my experience, lots of therapists use 'grounding techniques,' which are said to "help you pull away from flashbacks, unwanted memories, and negative or challenging emotions." That's what it says in an article titled "30 grounding techniques to quiet distressing thoughts."

I also read that a criticism of this type of cognitive behavioral therapy is that it doesn't get us to look at our past, our experiences.

I, too, have trauma, but instead of having the regular PTSD, I think I have something called "complex posttraumatic stress disorder," which is a newer condition that I'm just learning about. I'm not sure how therapists treat patients with this.

I had a horrific childhood with lots of neglect and abuse for a long time. I also went to five different elementary schools, never fit in, and was bullied by other kids. Every time I started going to a new school, another one was built in the new area where my parents had just bought a house and I had to start going to that new school. I'm sorry if the fact that I was abused is hard to hear.

This is sadly true for lots of kids and teens, and I think adults should step in to help them. I wish the neighbors who could no doubt hear me cry and plead for help had called police.

The sad thing is, I've been with my CBT therapist for two years so far and she couldn't find anything that could really help given I'm no longer in my home environment. She's been so nice I don't want to just let her go if I talk to a trauma therapist. 'was thinking once I tell her, just spend another month and wrap things up so I know how to approach this with my new therapist (if so be).
 
LizBo

LizBo

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Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
1,324
Location
Down-under
Hi @carlita; :welcome: to the forum! :)

I just posted on another thread about this very thing. Once you find out you have a name (diagnosis) for what you've experienced, life will seem a little easier.

I remember the relief I felt hearing my psychiatrist say; "You have what's known as Acute Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". It gave me something to research and learn from. This was important because I'm an 'information' gal, wanting to know the in's and out's of everything.

Your GP's important too. I used to see her a few times a month for as long as I remember, but since recovery's kicked in, I only see her a couple of times a year. Now that's progress! :)

I started journaling in 1996 after a counsellor suggested it. I have huge piles that I want to discard, but don't have the courage yet. At my worst, I wrote 10,000 words on my computer in a few days. It broke my pc as well as my brain. (major breakdown)

My advice? Going back into the past is only important if you can learn from it; about yourself, others, the true nature of events and if there are patterns of habitual behaviour to change within yourself. Please don't get tied up with the 'why's' either. It can lead to self blame, guilt and shame. Try to view the past as if you're reading a book about someone else, this helps.

This is a marathon as @Tawny says. You'll be obsessed for a while as you take each step towards your truth and what you want to achieve. We're here for you ok.
Kind thoughts;
Liz x
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
215
Location
virginia
Good news! The trauma therapist returned my call, takes my insurance, and setting up an intake session. I hope everything works out. He does EMDR (I think that's the term). See if he's the right fit.
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
215
Location
virginia
Hi @carlita; :welcome: to the forum! :)

I just posted on another thread about this very thing. Once you find out you have a name (diagnosis) for what you've experienced, life will seem a little easier.

I remember the relief I felt hearing my psychiatrist say; "You have what's known as Acute Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". It gave me something to research and learn from. This was important because I'm an 'information' gal, wanting to know the in's and out's of everything.

Your GP's important too. I used to see her a few times a month for as long as I remember, but since recovery's kicked in, I only see her a couple of times a year. Now that's progress! :)

I started journaling in 1996 after a counsellor suggested it. I have huge piles that I want to discard, but don't have the courage yet. At my worst, I wrote 10,000 words on my computer in a few days. It broke my pc as well as my brain. (major breakdown)

My advice? Going back into the past is only important if you can learn from it; about yourself, others, the true nature of events and if there are patterns of habitual behaviour to change within yourself. Please don't get tied up with the 'why's' either. It can lead to self blame, guilt and shame. Try to view the past as if you're reading a book about someone else, this helps.

This is a marathon as @Tawny says. You'll be obsessed for a while as you take each step towards your truth and what you want to achieve. We're here for you ok.
Kind thoughts;
Liz x

Thank you. That was so helpful. I'm a informational gal too. I have so many journals and very insightful. The only thing is the triggers so there are gaps here and there. I'll try not to jump into the Whys.

It's good you getting some progress. Make sure you're ready before you toss anything, if you decide to. Maybe some day you look back can say "wow I wrote that" and let it have its place.

Thanks!
 
Z

Zoe1

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Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
22,441
Location
Nowhere
another technique I learned
when looking at a trauma
is try to make it a black and white film in your head
instead of a colour one

this helped me to look at something I couldn't look at
 
T

tiltawhirl3

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Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,778
Location
Bristol TN
There are some wonderful healing techniques for re-parenting your inner child with love without focusing on traumas. I loved them and am sorry I do not know the link anymore. There is certainly reason for hope!
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
206
Location
Alberta, Canada
Your mom may have treated you as if your depression and other feelings didn't matter. Perhaps she said or implied that you should just ignore your true feelings, and she minimized your hurt, fear, sadness, etc. That's telling kids that what they feel is wrong.

Some parents don't love kids when they see feelings in them that they don't like, and this really messes with the kid's head. Perhaps she didn't spend time with you, or even accept you when you felt depressed?

Some parents don't know how to parent so they avoid helping their kids, caring for their feelings, teaching them, or being with them, which screws the kid up.

There's an article you can Google (search) called "8 Guaranteed Ways to Emotionally F*uck Up Your Kids" that might help you come to terms with what went wrong.
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
215
Location
virginia
Your mom may have treated you as if your depression and other feelings didn't matter. Perhaps she said or implied that you should just ignore your true feelings, and she minimized your hurt, fear, sadness, etc. That's telling kids that what they feel is wrong.

Some parents don't love kids when they see feelings in them that they don't like, and this really messes with the kid's head. Perhaps she didn't spend time with you, or even accept you when you felt depressed?

Some parents don't know how to parent so they avoid helping their kids, caring for their feelings, teaching them, or being with them, which screws the kid up.

There's an article you can Google (search) called "8 Guaranteed Ways to Emotionally F*uck Up Your Kids" that might help you come to terms with what went wrong.

Yeah. She had me when she was 19 and had abusive issues with my biological father. I still remember a couple of incidents, but I don't know where to place them. The thing is, I'm in the middle with the abuse part because for some reason at the time (and even now if she's mad) I jump back and feel threatened. I did that once three years ago. I was on the ground and mother said something (she didn't believe I was sick that hour ago) and I don't know what she did, but my whole body jumped back. My brother was there telling me its okay.

But I honestly don't know what originally would cause that type of reaction. Nowadays, although she's a wonderful mother, I'm glad I don't live around her "energy."

She had a lot of divorces, taking care of me with epilepsy, and my younger brother was basically my parent while she worked single parent. I think my other brother developed psychosis and its full blown now....

I'll have a look at that. I saw a book Running on Empty I might read, but debating on it.
 
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