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PTSD and blocking most events out

O

oncebitten

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 19, 2021
Messages
65
Location
Florida
I am of course new here and I thought maybe talking or rather typing and reading things that others are going through similar to me would help... I have PTSD and BPD due to a horrific childhood abuse in every form of the word. I am 41 now and have made some really bad mistakes due to me trying to "punish" myself as my dr said because it is what I know. So a little back story is I am married with children and have a wonderful spouse. However after we had a child something really changed me and I decided to cheat and cheat more than once and when I did I became someone I am not in real life. My spouse has kept me around and even helped me through a few hospitalizations. I am past that part where I feel the need to cheat and become anything other than me but I am really bothered by how I block EVERYTHING out. I don't remember most of my childhood nor a lot of the years while I was cheating. It's like I can remember somethings like they were yesterday but I literally feel like a black hole when it comes to a lot. I feel lost sometimes when my spouse brings up the past because I can easily forget about it BECAUSE I really don't remember it. They however do and sometimes it builds up and it unleashes (which I do not stop because everyone needs to be able to get things out) I get super emotional of course because of the way I made them feel and what I have done to them but I also get so mad at myself when I get asked questions or get asked if I even remember because they do not think I block things out they think I just don't want to talk about it. Honestly in reality I wouldn't enjoy talking about it but I would prefer to be able to. I get HORRIBLE flash backs from my childhood but when I try to remember things its like I am trying to remember what happened to someone else. I feel alone in this and just need some kind of hope that I am not the only one dealing with something like this... Does anyone else have any problems like this and if so how have you been able to live with it? Any insight might be nice
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
891
Location
Southern USA
That sounds terrible.
I hope therapy is helping everyone in the family.
Welcome here!
 
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