Apotheosis, did you recognize that you had problem at that time?
First off - I don't put much stock on psychiatric labels - my own personal opinion is that there is a lot of similarity that is going on within & underlying almost all the
major psychiatric diagnostic categories of
'severe illnesses'. I think that I could have just as easily have ended up with a label of Bi-Polar.
A history of my diagnoses -
age
17 - Drug induced psychosis
21 - Psychotic depression
25 - The resurfacing of an undiagnosed psychotic condition
26 - Schizophrenia
28 - All previous psychiatric labels misdiagnosed due to the fact of 17 years of addiction issues; & the diagnoses held to be invalid & unethical on that basis.
32 - to Present Day - Reinstated - Paranoid Schizophrenia.
As a general guide - A diagnosis of Schizophrenia is not usually going to be stated until you have experienced at least 3
psychotic episodes/hospitalisations - & my diagnostic history bears this out.
As for these labels - personally; they have never helped me or explained anything. The actions taken by the psychiatric system have had more to do with risk assessment than anything else.
At the time -
'psychotic depression' was explained to me that I was very depressed; but that I didn't realise that I was depressed. At the time of receiving the first 'schizophrenia' diagnosis; the nursing staff thought that what I was experiencing was more in line with Bi-Polar. In truth; I think that these diagnoses are a nonsense. What I have experienced; I can identify with aspects of many conditions - anxiety/paranoia/hallucinations/voices/depression/psychosis/bi-polar - you name it.
It is an interesting question to ask - 'did you recognize that you had problem at that time?'. I suppose that what I have identified as problems; have been different at different times in my life. There is no doubt that at certain times; what I have personally identified as the main problems; some people would see as being
delusional. I rather look at these things as perspectives.
The first time that I was hospitalised - I was dealing with & trying to cope with the experiences that had lead me into a psychiatric hospital; but I was also dealing with the problem of how to get out of that hospital; while knowing that the Doctors & staff there would not validate or accept the experiences that I'd had & were having. I left there by simply lying to them all; & acting a certain way.
I have also found it helpful to separate things out here. Yes, I have certain difficulties/issues & problems; that are personal to me - there is also, however, a large amount of problems & difficulties that are the result of things that are nothing to do with me - my upbringing; past traumas, society, the psychiatric system, med dependency issues - many many things in fact, that although are issues for me - are not my direct responsibility, fault, or direct problem. Self blame is a particularly difficult & insidious thing to deal with.
I would suppose though, that it has only been in the past 5 or so years; that I now accept a lot more of certain things about the way that I am, & the experiences that I've had; & can be prone to experiencing.
Does that answer your question?
