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Psychotic Depression Experiences

A

Apollon

Guest
Hi!
I am interested in your's experiences with psychotic depression.
I went to psychiatrist's office, still he didn't gave me diagnosis.
Then I went to two psychologists, they both think that I suffer from "Chronic Psychotic Depression".
I have typical depressive symptoms for years, most severe symptoms started to develop in 2007.
Since then ( I was 16) I have hallucinations of faint voices, noises, whispers, often "god is talking to me"... I know those things are product of my mind... And there is delusion of paranoia...
I was not in hospital, because I still can handle my hallucinations and delusions.
Currently I am taking Nitrazepam for sleeping, and Seroxat for depressive symptoms.
Anyone else with this diagnosis??
Regards.
 
A

Apollon

Guest
Apotheosis, did you recognize that you had problem at that time? I ask that because some claim that psychotic depressive person can realize that it needs help, while other say that psychotic depressive person can't make difference between reality and unreality.

I hope I'll stay on that diagnose only, that disease won't make any progress into something more psychotic.
Because I can still make difference between reality and insanity... :unsure:
Apotheosis,
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
Apotheosis, did you recognize that you had problem at that time?
First off - I don't put much stock on psychiatric labels - my own personal opinion is that there is a lot of similarity that is going on within & underlying almost all the major psychiatric diagnostic categories of 'severe illnesses'. I think that I could have just as easily have ended up with a label of Bi-Polar.

A history of my diagnoses -

age

17 - Drug induced psychosis
21 - Psychotic depression
25 - The resurfacing of an undiagnosed psychotic condition
26 - Schizophrenia
28 - All previous psychiatric labels misdiagnosed due to the fact of 17 years of addiction issues; & the diagnoses held to be invalid & unethical on that basis.
32 - to Present Day - Reinstated - Paranoid Schizophrenia.

As a general guide - A diagnosis of Schizophrenia is not usually going to be stated until you have experienced at least 3 psychotic episodes/hospitalisations - & my diagnostic history bears this out.

As for these labels - personally; they have never helped me or explained anything. The actions taken by the psychiatric system have had more to do with risk assessment than anything else.

At the time - 'psychotic depression' was explained to me that I was very depressed; but that I didn't realise that I was depressed. At the time of receiving the first 'schizophrenia' diagnosis; the nursing staff thought that what I was experiencing was more in line with Bi-Polar. In truth; I think that these diagnoses are a nonsense. What I have experienced; I can identify with aspects of many conditions - anxiety/paranoia/hallucinations/voices/depression/psychosis/bi-polar - you name it.

It is an interesting question to ask - 'did you recognize that you had problem at that time?'. I suppose that what I have identified as problems; have been different at different times in my life. There is no doubt that at certain times; what I have personally identified as the main problems; some people would see as being delusional. I rather look at these things as perspectives.

The first time that I was hospitalised - I was dealing with & trying to cope with the experiences that had lead me into a psychiatric hospital; but I was also dealing with the problem of how to get out of that hospital; while knowing that the Doctors & staff there would not validate or accept the experiences that I'd had & were having. I left there by simply lying to them all; & acting a certain way.

I have also found it helpful to separate things out here. Yes, I have certain difficulties/issues & problems; that are personal to me - there is also, however, a large amount of problems & difficulties that are the result of things that are nothing to do with me - my upbringing; past traumas, society, the psychiatric system, med dependency issues - many many things in fact, that although are issues for me - are not my direct responsibility, fault, or direct problem. Self blame is a particularly difficult & insidious thing to deal with.

I would suppose though, that it has only been in the past 5 or so years; that I now accept a lot more of certain things about the way that I am, & the experiences that I've had; & can be prone to experiencing.

Does that answer your question?
 
A

Apollon

Guest
Yes, thank you very much for writing so long post. It explained me much more than I knew before.
Thank you.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
That's OK - I'm glad that you found it helpful. Please keep posting.
 
A

Apollon

Guest
I just have impossibly big fear of going to hospital!!!!
I hope my psychiatrist won't put me in there, because I don't need hospital care!
And also my psychiatrist is in private office, not in hospital...
I heard that people with that diagnosis often must be hospitalized!?
Is it always the rule?
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
Are you living in Serbia?

In the UK; & I am unsure of other countries so much - the bottom line in assessing someone for hospitalisation is - 'a danger to themselves or others'. This of course is highly ambiguous & open to much interpretation. But in the UK; you have to be generally pretty crazy to end up in hospital.

Due to the changes in the MH system some decades ago with the 'care in the community' system that we have in the UK - People in general are discharged relatively quickly from hospital; back into the community; if they play by the rules. The NHS doesn't want people in hospitals if it can be avoided.

It is worth remembering that due to the 'risk assessment' criteria - medical personnel will base these decisions on the actions & to a degree the speech of individuals. This has been my experience anyway. So as a basic example - if your being violent, setting fire to things, saying that your going to kill people & hang yourself - they there is a high risk in your behaviour being dangerous - this is what leads to hospitalisations & staying in hospital. If on the other hand you appear lucid, insightful & relatively calm - then you have a good chance of avoiding hospital; or being released if your already there.

Doctors seem to like compliant patients - "yes Doctor I'm mad; I can see that now, I can see how my behaviour & what I was saying before wasn't making any sense; & I feel better & calmer than I did" - they like that kind of talk. :)
 
A

Apollon

Guest
Oh thank you very much!
Yes, I live in Serbia.
When I talked to psychiatrist, he asked me what do I think, am I crazy? I said "I don't know, maybe yes." And also in the end of our conversation he told me that I am very good peaceful person... That is the same what you were talking about in your post!
Now I am happy because he probably won't put me in hospital!
Thank you once again!
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
Oh thank you very much!
Yes, I live in Serbia.
When I talked to psychiatrist, he asked me what do I think, am I crazy? I said "I don't know, maybe yes." And also in the end of our conversation he told me that I am very good peaceful person... That is the same what you were talking about in your post!
Now I am happy because he probably won't put me in hospital!
Thank you once again!
I'm glad that your happy. Taking personal responsibility; & being aware of behaviour & speech; maintaining non-violent, calm, & lucid communication; is about the best way of avoiding hospital. Don't react, & don't panic. There are ways of helping to do this - including breathing techniques, meditation & mindfulness; that can all be very effective.
 
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