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Psychotic breakdowns and hearing voices

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Crystal89

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Winchester
Hey everyone, I am grateful to be a part of this forum and looking for some comfort and reassurance from others experiences during this time of total crisis in my life.

Last summer I had a huge psychotic break down whilst travelling in California and I ended up in jail over there because I walked away from two police officers whilst they were trying to talk to me, and I was in my psychosis, channelling these other entities none stop, talking to myself, so they arrested me and put me in jail. Once in jail I was not competent to be released for four and a half months. It was hell on earth in there. The whole time I was hearing these other entities/voices speaking through me, whilst they put me through the most ridiculous "initiations" all day and all night. Some of it was really funny and some of it was the most terrifying experience ever. The voices were telling me that my soul was Jesus and Isis, and that my mission was to stop the world from ending. And that I was coming into a spiritual union with a man in my life, who they said was Thoth. A lot of the psychosis was about us coming into union. This was all a total delusion. My hair became completely dreaded as the voices told me not to comb it and just to let it become dreads. By the time the officers gave me a comb it was too late anyway. Luckily the hairdresser managed to fix it once I came home. I experienced huge amounts of energy moving in different ways throughout my body throughout this, and everything I said or did seemed completely channelled, as if I was not in control at all. I said the most ridiculous things to all the officers and in court. It was as if these other entities had complete control over everything I did. They gave me court ordered medication that the first couple of times was very forcefully administered to me.

Then I came back to England and went through a long four months of completely suicidal depression, barely able to leave my bed. I then came out of this depression into a second full blown manic episode, where again the voices were telling me I was Jesus and Isis, putting me through crazy initiations, and making me do and say ridiculous things. I would walk through supermarkets singing and dancing, and be roaming the streets in the middle of the night. At the hight of this manic episode my Mother called the mental health professionals and they had me admitted to hospital for two months. Again some of this experience was a lot of fun and some of it was hell on earth.

Now I'm back home again and facing the same deep and suicidal depression. Feeling like I just cant go on living, and still hearing the voices speaking to me all the time, with nothing of any use to say. So often they tell me I am in an initiation. Sometimes they tell me that I will come through this. Sometimes they tell me they are just there to torture me for life. Its a total living hell.

I would appreciate any words of advice or similar experiences that others may have had. Im totally desperate, and feel I have nothing more to live for. Thanks for reading.
 
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tonga kev

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2013
Messages
193
You need to visit your gp to get medication changed, don't listen to the voices. good luck
 
C

Crystal89

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Winchester
They are putting my depot injection up and putting me on lithium as well.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
15,787
Location
England
Hi Crystral89,
I'm so sorry your struggling, I've had psychosis I'm much more stable now.
It can happen, so please don't lose hope.
Hugs
 
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natalie

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 1, 2014
Messages
15,251
What a terrible ordeal for you. That's the trouble, both overhere in london, and t here, sorry, in England, the Police do not have heart and hand for mental health illness, I've been there, I know or i hear of, I can understand it.

Very relieved that you have returned safely overhere.

I would contact the crisis team, attached to Community Mental Health teams, they will assess you further, and point you forward in the right directions.

Also do contact the samaritians, if you feel you need help in listening and support, and yes, contact the MHF teams for members to aid, via this forum site.

I've only just read sorry that you were admitted in hospital. i am just wondering if this needs to be required again, in this instance, however I could be wrong.


Nice to meet you, under the circumstances,


I have a feeling that what you need to back here is, you can download, from the Asthma website, don't worry about type of website, thouigh, go to that one, and download, an exemption pass card, to prove you have severe distress orders, and that should allow you not to wear a mask in this instance, under the situation, just an idea for moderators, to note, thanks).


Try to have a good sleep and restful night,

Take care.
 
C

Crystal89

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Winchester
What a terrible ordeal for you. That's the trouble, both overhere in london, and t here, sorry, in England, the Police do not have heart and hand for mental health illness, I've been there, I know or i hear of, I can understand it.

Very relieved that you have returned safely overhere.

I would contact the crisis team, attached to Community Mental Health teams, they will assess you further, and point you forward in the right directions.

Also do contact the samaritians, if you feel you need help in listening and support, and yes, contact the MHF teams for members to aid, via this forum site.

I've only just read sorry that you were admitted in hospital. i am just wondering if this needs to be required again, in this instance, however I could be wrong.


Nice to meet you, under the circumstances,


I have a feeling that what you need to back here is, you can download, from the Asthma website, don't worry about type of website, thouigh, go to that one, and download, an exemption pass card, to prove you have severe distress orders, and that should allow you not to wear a mask in this instance, under the situation, just an idea for moderators, to note, thanks).


Try to have a good sleep and restful night,

Take care.
Thank you 🙏
 
Zero One

Zero One

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2020
Messages
2,963
Location
United States
The voices I have were trying to tell me I am a reincarnated Mary Magdalene and Isis some years ago. Then they had me meet Isis and I was an angel and some sort of God. The voices tricked me into thinking I accepted that I am an angel then I couldn't remember and thought I was one from all the evidence. I used to feel wings and had a fight with some of them who could see and they cut my wings and I felt excruciating pain but I imagine it would have been worse if something like that were to happen to a being. They kept telling me I look like Isis, but I don't.
 
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Crystal89

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Winchester
The voices I have were trying to tell me I am a reincarnated Mary Magdalene and Isis some years ago. Then they had me meet Isis and I was an angel and some sort of God. The voices tricked me into thinking I accepted that I am an angel then I couldn't remember and thought I was one from all the evidence. I used to feel wings and had a fight with some of them who could see and they cut my wings and I felt excruciating pain but I imagine it would have been worse if something like that were to happen to a being. They kept telling me I look like Isis, but I don't.
Thank you for sharing. It is comforting to hear I'm not alone in this kind of experience. It's all been so traumatic. It's so scary what our minds are capable of. I feel so alone in this. Do you still hear voices?
 
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tonga kev

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2013
Messages
193
still hear voices , but my medication helps a lot. BY the way i believe the voices are real spirit beings, parasites. Hope this doesnt alarm you. love kev
 
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Crystal89

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Winchester
Yes I do believe this too. My voices just seem so independent from my own consciousness. I just wish I could get rid of them!
 
Zero One

Zero One

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2020
Messages
2,963
Location
United States
Thank you for sharing. It is comforting to hear I'm not alone in this kind of experience. It's all been so traumatic. It's so scary what our minds are capable of. I feel so alone in this. Do you still hear voices?
Yes
 
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tonga kev

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2013
Messages
193
it will take time for the medication to kick in, what do the voices say to you to irritate you
 
C

Crystal89

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Winchester
right now they mostly keep saying that I am in an initiation. Sometimes they tell me I am in this for life and that they are there to torture me. Sometimes they are telling me I will get through this. Now everything they say to me irritates me after the hell they have put me through. I just hate having them there at all. These days they are not saying so much, just the same old repetitive phrases about me being in an initiation of my consciousness. It drives me mad!
 
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TimeKeeper

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Indianapolis
I’m experiencing the same exact thing. The voices tell me stuff to make me paranoid and they tell me that they are just here to torture me. When I found out that they were just here to torture me I realized I can’t take what they say to heart anymore because they are just trying to fulfill their purpose of torturing me. It’s extremely tough trying to remember they are fake or just hallucinations, but I do my best. & when I tell them they are just hallucinations they call me dumb or laugh so I wouldn’t recommend you doing what I did lol. Just try to stay focused on something like your phone or watch tv which will quiet them done for a little bit.
 
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