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psychotherapy group facilitator making me feel down and inferior

N

Nighthawk43

Member
Joined
Dec 12, 2014
Messages
12
Hi all,
My problem is my psychotherapy group facilitator is making me feel down,inferior and causing me to be withdrawn.

I feel being in the group has helped me tremendously as I have been able to recognise and take little nuggets of information from other group members which has really helped me to resolve and get closure on many of my issues but, when I talk about how I've worked out my issues the group facilitator (psychotherapy nurse) tells me that the way I have worked out these issues is too simple and then questions if I may have more underlying problems.

This makes me feel as if I'm wrong to work out things the way I do, and from being on a high with finding solutions to my issues the group facilitator makes me feel down and inferior which is now causing me to feel withdrawn. My way of working out things that seem complicated are to break it down and simplify it so I can understand it then work it out but, my group facilitator seems to want me to work out complicated things without simplifying them first.

The way I've been all my life is when things are too complicated to work out and understand I've always reverted to the way I know best (break it down, simplify it then work it out). There are a few of the members of my group who I've understood their issues and I think I could give them valuable input to solving their issues but I'm now afraid to speak up for fear of the group facilitator telling me that my way "is too simple"

I'm a highly sensitive person and being told the way I work out my problems is too simple is making me feel like I'm doing things wrong and making me feel inferior, or maybe my sensitivity is getting in the way, which has been one of my issues my whole life.

Any advice, input would be very much appreciated.
 
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RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

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Joined
Jun 25, 2013
Messages
13,273
hello and welcome to the forums :welcome:

your group facilitator shouldnt be making you feel this way its very unhelpful as you have realised i dont have any advice however wanted to welcome you to the forum and hopefully someone will come along and give you good advice x
 
D

Deliah

Guest
Hey Sweetheart, We can't work to other people maps (beliefs, ways of doing things), we have to work with our own. It sounds fabulous that you have your way of finding solutions for yourself. Maybe it just doesn't make sense to the nurse simply because she thinks differently to you and she doesn't know that people can do things in different ways to the way she understands (maybe it doesn't fit with the knowledge that her training has given her) I can hear that her different view of what needs to be done is causing you to doubt yourself and think that you are wrong, as you have said. If your way works for you then it's not possible that it's wrong. Maybe you can say that you understand that she has a different view, but that your way works really well for you. I would think that her intentions are good, as she is running such a group, her map is just different to yours. I find this a lot in life. I also used to believe I was wrong or felt doubtful of myself when other people views didn't fit my own but I can now see that as just quite interesting. We are unique and beautiful, all of us and we don't have to change our shape to fit in with other people. That will cause us more difficulties. Be you and celebrate what you know works for you! You are the worlds best expert on you. love D xxxx
 
N

Nighthawk43

Member
Joined
Dec 12, 2014
Messages
12
Hi,
Thanks for the replies, very helpful and appreciated.
I think I should tell you a little about myself and maybe someone could give me some input or feedback.

I'm a 50 year old male, my issues I can trace back to childhood when I got bullied at school, I was about 7-9 years old, 2 boys used to wait for me at end of school and bully me into doing horrible things like eating dirt, lick their shoes and if I didn't they would beat me up with sticks and big branches off trees. I kept this all to myself, I never told my parents or teachers because the 2 bullies said they would beat me up more if I did tell anyone, I was petrified of them. After I moved to high school things were a lot better, no more bullies.

When i was about 18 yrs old i broke away from my school friends and started going about with a new set of friends and they got me into taking drugs (cannabis, acid and speed), but mostly cannabis. These new friends actually were the guys that i went about with until i was about 31 yrs old, these friends i thought were my true friends, but one of them always constantly slagged me off ( ran me down)saying i was ugly and that i would never get a girlfriend, i did try and make a stand against this and he would always say that it was only a bit of banter, other times i would be so upset i would want to fight with him, but my other 2 mates always said if you fight with him you fight with all of us, so i always had to back down.

I did on numerous occasions try to break away from them, but after a few weeks one of them would come to my house or phone me sucking up to me asking me to go back about with them again, things would be ok for a little while then the verbal abuse would start again until it actually drove me to the brink of suicide, i hated myself, i was thinking of all the different ways to kill myself and which one would be the easiest and quickest. I pulled myself through this all on my own, no doctors, no therapists, god knows how i got through this as i didn't tell a single person how i was feeling.

I've also been in 2 very bad relationships, my daughters mother was violent to me, and i mean violent. Having to go into work on numerous occasions with my nose almost smashed in with 2 black eyes, and having to lie to my workmates about how it happened as it would be embarrassing saying my girlfriend did this to me, my daughters mother did this to me.

My other abusive relationship was with my ex wife who was mentally abusive to me, she tried to turn me against my family and my daughter, every time i visited my parents and was not home for a certain time she would accuse me of sleeping with my daughters mother, she also accused me of sleeping with her daughters friends mother who i had never ever met on my own.

As i said in my first post I'm a highly sensitive person, and because of all this shit I've been through i think i have developed an inferiority complex, i can get very insecure and i can't handle rejection or criticism

i don't know whether it is me being over sensitive, but i feel quite inadequate as a man. I actually hate myself for being like this, i hate myself for being so sensitive, for being so insecure and for not being able to handle rejection and for being afraid of being rejected. My opinion is that a man should not be like this, or maybe I'm comparing myself too much to the stereotypical macho man that is supposed to show no emotion and be strong.

My psychotherapy group sessions have been going on for 7-8 months and I've had no feedback or input at all from the other members, it's as if they don't know what to say to me...one or 2 say oh that's terrible what you have went through the rest just sit there and say nothing, i thought that talking therapy was all about giving others input and feedback, but I'm getting none.

sorry for long post.

nighthawk.
 
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R

ramboghettouk

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you've seen the psychotherapy group in one flew over the cuckoos nest where the big nurse is supposedly building them up but really is putting them down, the group i went to at john wilson house was like that, unless you go private thats what you'll get
 
N

Nighthawk43

Member
Joined
Dec 12, 2014
Messages
12
@ Nikita,
Yes I agree that I should never be in contact with the people who have bullied me, I have not seen my old mates since I was 31 years old, but I still have an enormous amount of resentment and anger at how they treated me and also a lot of anger and resentment for myself for putting up with it for so long, as for the violent relationship, it was my daughters mother who was violent to me, and I still have a little contact with her as sometimes my daughter will need her mum to watch the kids while she goes to work, and my daughter will phone me to ask if I can give her mum a lift over to her house, sometimes I do refuse, but that only leads to my daughter going in a bad mood with me because she can't get to work. My old psychotherapist nurse who I did 1 to 1 sessions with said that because it was my daughters mother who was violent to me, it could be that seeing my daughter always reminds me of what her mother did to me,
and that this could be the reason why I find it hard to move on.
I will def have a look at those links Nikita.
Thanks it's much appreciated.
 
N

Nighthawk43

Member
Joined
Dec 12, 2014
Messages
12
@Nikita,
Yes I wholeheartedly agree that I should have no contact with people who have treated me badly, I have not seen my old mates since I was 31 yrs old, my daughters mother who was violent to me I have very little contact with, but on the odd occasion my daughter needs her mother to babysit so she can go to work and as they both stay at opposite ends of the city my daughter phones me to ask if I can give her mum a lift over to hers. I have refused to do this a few times, but it only leads to my daughter going in a mood with me because she can't get to work.

My old psychotherapist nurse who I had 1 to 1 sessions with said that because it was my daughters mother who was violent to me, that it could be that my daughter will always remind me of that bad relationship, and that this could be a very difficult issue to overcome.

@ramboghettouk, I suffer from depression and IBS so I don't work and cannot afford private therapy.

Thanks again to all who have replied you have all been very helpful.

Nighthawk.
 
N

Nighthawk43

Member
Joined
Dec 12, 2014
Messages
12
@Nikita,
I've been doing a lot of heavy thinking the past two nights and I find the things that are troubling me most is my sensitivity, my insecurity and fear of rejection. I actually hate myself for being like this as these are the 3 things that are affecting my life the most.

Thanks for your replies Nikita they are really helpful.
 
J

jimindigo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2012
Messages
198
Self Compassion

Hi Nighthawk,
Please invest in dear self by getting following book:
"Self Compassion" by Kristin Neff, I wouldn't be without it.
It is especially handy if one tends to be hard on one's self.
Respectfully,
jimindigo
 
N

Nighthawk43

Member
Joined
Dec 12, 2014
Messages
12
One more thing I need to ask.
I feel attracted to one of the women in my group, I did help this woman with a very important issue she had, and I went through the exact same problem in my early 20's so I not only felt empathy for this woman, but to me it was true empathy I felt.
So now I don't know whether to bring this attraction for this woman up in the group.

Nighthawk
 
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