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Psychosis

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Danage

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2008
Messages
393
Location
Worcestershire, Great Britain
Hello and shalom aleichem (Peace be with you).

I've finally worked out how to log in (I must have forgotten the password).

I am a diagnosed psychotic (here in the UK they don't use such specific labels until a year has passed since diagnosis or I have had a third psychotic episode).

I had my first psychotic episode from November 2006 to November 2007. I had visual and audio hallucinations for a year. I told someone when it first started happening, and they didn't take it seriously. I told someone in May last year, and finally told my mother in July 2007, when she took me to the doctor, who referred me to a psychiatrist who referred me to Early Intervention in the county.

They got Home Treatment involved (when they started seeing me was when the thought invasion had begun), and finally when I was firmly on the medication, and the hallucinations and thought invasion had stopped in November last year I was discharged from Home Treatment, and I was back under Early Intervention.

I had my medication changed (I requested it) in May this year, and had thought invasion throughout June (I only told people about one incident, the most upsetting incident, and not the others), until Saturday 28th June when I had visual, and audio hallucinations coupled with pain that wasn't really there (my second psychotic episode). They subsequently put me back on the old medication that worked.

It is a rather odd thing that my first psychotic episode ended when I became a Christian again (I rejected my original Christian faith in favour of Jewish beliefs in October 2005), albeit a Biblical Unitarian one. I only became a Christian because of what my hallucinated son said. I feel that my psychosis was influenced by God's Holy Spirit, or directly by God the Father Himself, and not His power (the Holy Spirit).

My son recently appointed me to prophethood, but revoked it and said I was condemned to the Lake of Fire. He also said that he was the Lord Jesus Christ. I do not know what to think of this new 'revelation'.

To be honest I have been stressing about College (I was doing a HNC (Higher National Certificate) there), but I have also worried a lot about religion, and what I believe.

Everything my son told me was completely in line with what the Bible says (apart from my 'call to prophethood'), so I believe my psychosis was the Holy Spirit, or influenced by the Holy Spirit, or it is just a mental illness (the third option I heavily doubt though). What does everyone else think?

Thank you for any and all replies.

Pax et Bonum (Peace and all good be with you).
 
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Twylight

Guest
Hi Danage, like yourself I have been in psychosis

It is a powefull devastating experience and it has been happening to me for over 20 years

The Theory is : that brain chemicals cause pathways in the brain to cross-over, such that all the information in my memory and everything I see and hear becomes mixed up.

I always have a religous psychosis because of my religous christian schooling.
I once read the Hobbit which is a very magical type book - when I went into a psychosis again - it had a very magical theme.
I'm convinced that everything I've hallucinated, was already in the deepest parts of my mind.

God doesn't interfere !!
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
hi both i will not get 2 involved with this conversation because i dont understand it all 2 much but once i had an experience of lifting up above the bed only about a metre but i know it happened, n there was a couple of other things whilst @ a friends(@ the time) house n suddenly my nans(who had died about a year b4) saucepans reappeared n her old hover was there in front of me, a plant that was in the kitchen was suddenly in the bathroon n it wasnt a little plant so u would of physically seen it being moved n there r no end of magical stuff thats gone through my head n the religous stuff aswell, i think the most frigtening time was 1 christmas i think it might of been 1994 i was @ my cousins 4 crimbo n the voices got so bad i went out 2 get her some cigaretes n i had 2 get back home because the voices got so bad n i was told that if i stayed there was going 2 b a massive rave in her flat n i was gonna be spiked with drugs(come on it was just a little flat)
 
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Twylight

Guest
If God wanted to punish me - NO amount of medication would stop him.

It is true that: Psychosis has caused me to look deeper into Spirituality.

NOT that: my actions and Spirituality have caused the illness.

Twylight.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
“I want you to remember that words have those meanings which we have given them; and we give them meanings by explanations.”

Ludwig Wittgentstein.

Among the most difficult and crucial tasks in understanding an ancient text is figuring out what the archaic concepts actually referred to. While it is generally thought that the only way to “discover” the meaning of a word is through an analysis of its usage, this principle is especially relevant with respect to words in ancient texts since we have virtually no intuition of what these words meant for the people who used them. This task does not fall solely on the shoulders of the translators since there may be a word in the target language that corresponds to an archaic concept, but the word may be just as conceptually ancient as the word in the original language. The challenge posed to the reader is to determine the modern day synonyms for ancient words.

The underlying assumption of this endeavor is that the phenomena in question remains relatively constant over time, and it is only the words that we use to label these phenomena that change. The assumption that human nature has changed little since ancient times can be justified by a study of ancient texts. The struggle between passion and reason, the preoccupation with sex and death, the relentless need to reconcile determinism with freedom in the world, and even people’s senses of humor have remained virtually unchanged over the past two thousand years. It is therefore particularly puzzling to find one trait that is common to Jerusalem, Athens, and Rome that has seemingly disappeared in our times - prophecy. However, before we mourn the passing of the prophets, we had better first explore the possibility that the alleged disappearance of prophecy is an illusion created and maintained by a misuse of language.

In order to reconstruct the concept of prophecy from the ground up, we must first rid ourselves of any preexisting notions that we have concerning the nature of prophecy. Just because our definition of a prophet is “1. One whose revelations are divinely inspired. or 2. One who foretells the future.”2 does not mean that the word meant this to the ancients. Before we proceed any further, it is also important to note the mystical issues surrounding prophecy, namely that God or a deity is the source of prophecy, can be bracketed. Finding a reductionist mechanism that explains prophecy in cognitive terms does not preclude divine inspiration. The believer will always be able to claim that God communicates with humans through this mechanism, while the empiricist can simply cut God out of the picture. Finally, we must make a distinction between prophets and prophecy. A prophet is much more than “one who prophesies”. The prophet’s environment, education, and social position directly influenced the form that his prophecy took. On the other hand, the term “prophecy” is intended to isolate the prophet’s internal mental experiences. As we shall see, there may be a direct link between a prophet’s internal mental experiences and his external behavior.

Most discussions about prophesy among ancient texts and the commentaries establish a link between prophesy and madness. Similarly, while the scientific community has yet to determine the relationship between creative genius and madness, there is mounting evidence of a correlation between the two. The fact that both prophecy and creative genius are somehow connected to madness suggests that the two are also related to each other. In order to make this comparison, we must compare the descriptions of how prophets prophesied, to the descriptions of creativity in geniuses. It will also be helpful to analyze the shifting definitions of madness over time. As this project is vast in scope, this paper will only attempt to sketch these ideas drawing from a limited number of sources.

“If someone among you experiences divine prophecy, I will make myself known to him in a vision, I will speak to him in a dream.”
http://theicarusproject.net/mad-science/the-return-of-the-prophets
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
When I first experienced a full blown & severe psychotic break at a relatively young age; I immediately applied a framework of modern Christian thinking to explain it, as this was my main frame of reference for the spiritual & supernatural. At the time I concluded the common "schizophrenic" delusion; that I had "lost my Soul to the Devil" & was headed for Hell - Abandon hope all ye who enter here. I feverently read & studied the Bible for answers, & some 5 years later my search was leading to entirely different explanations & frames of reference.

Something which I have observed about psychosis is the very malleable nature of such states. The experience of "psychosis" can be drastically altered by the way in which society perceives & reacts to the "mentally ill", & it reacts to the frame of reference, or the filter of personal beliefs of the sufferer. My frame of reference is no longer Judao Christian; & the original experiences took on another meaning entirely many years ago. My understandings of what has happened to me over the years has altered drastically; with the evolving of my understandings on the nature & explanation of "madness", & with a personal paradigm shift & different frames of reference. The "God" who appears in my World, is now far removed from the Judao Christian one. Of course different religious ideas & orthodox ideas have influenced my thinking & my life; but they no longer hold the same value as being ultimately true.

The orthodox psychiatric viewpoint is one frame of reference within me, with it's Bio-Chemical paradigm, but it is a very small part of the frame of reference. Predominantly now, I have a reference of assorted perspectives, including a home grown spirituality; which has little to do with religion, & which takes in Jungian ideas, Shamanistic World views, & all kinds of psycho/spiritual perspectives. Personally I have found this shift in reference far more healthy, & having far more growth potential, with much wider implications for personal meaning - than confining myself solely to an Orthodox Christian belief structure. Personally, I found such a belief system damaging in relation to dealing with the experiences of psychosis.
 
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Twylight

Guest
thankyou Apotheosis, you and me both are ' Veterans ' of Psychosis.

It took me many stressfull years to relax and realise that It is just a terrifying illness.
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

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Founding Member
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Messages
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Location
W2
Preceding and I suppose during my psychotic periods I was quite interested in the Abrahamic faiths. I spent a fair amount of time looking into the Talmud, specifically the Kabbalah; I figured as Jesus was a Jew, understanding what was left in rabbinical Judaism from historic Judaism and thus also in Christianity could only be a good thing. It lead me to all manner of occult knowledge. I considered converting to Judaism also, but ended up taking a different route. I am highly interested in symbol and sign and how, and I suppose why, they figure in religious experience, be that of natural origin or as a result of varying ASC, including psychoses.

I had thought that the research had been a vanity in part. Ironically some 17 years since my first episode much of the research/knowledge is now forming part of an MSc dissertation which looks like leading to a PhD.

I think we experience these things for a greater purpose; mine has turned out to be academic.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
thankyou Apotheosis, you and me both are ' Veterans ' of Psychosis.

It took me many stressful years to relax and realise that It is just a terrifying illness.
Some of the experiences of "psychosis" can be truly Horrific. Although, as I'm sure you know as a fellow Veteran; the potential is there to learn, to grow, & to develop in new ways as a result of; & in spite of such things. Many of us have the capacity to integrate such extreme & altered states, however horrific, into a more holistic & whole inner life, in which we are not simply pawns at the mercy of supernatural & invincible archetypal forces; being torn apart by some gargantuan battle between the forces of Light & Dark; But rather we are sensitive, sentient beings, who have been blessed/cursed with a powerful gift, & privileged enough to have seen a side to life & existence which the majority have not the slightest inkling.
 
T

Twylight

Guest
Excellent - my psychosis had also taken me down many roads including 11 years of charity work.

I think the first episode of a psychosis is the most devastating

I often think of describing a psychosis like the wiring of a computer:

If you opened up your computer and swapped all the coloured wires around, all the information will be going to the wrong places.

IE: you might see what your thinking ( hallucination )
You might hear your own thoughts ( Voices )
OR many other mixed up pathways.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
I think the first episode of a psychosis is the most devastating

I often think of describing a psychosis like the wiring of a computer:

If you opened up your computer and swapped all the coloured wires around, all the information will be going to the wrong places.
The comparison of the Brain/consciousness, with a Computer is a very good one; You have -

The CPU Chip (Central Processing Unit) = The main cognitive function of the Brain, the processing of information.

The MB (Mother Board) = The Brain itself, or the cohesion between the whole of the brain, which ties all the different parts in together. (The CNS (Central Nervous system))

The RAM (Random Access Memory) = The short term memory.

The HD (The Hard Drive) = The long term memory.

The GPU (Graphics Processing Unit/Graphics card) = The part of the brain which processes & interprets sensory (visual input).

The Sound Card = Processes Sound input/output.

PSU (Power Supply Unit) = The body or the source of power for the brain. (Food)

Using a Computer as an analogy for the Brain is very good - A computer works in the same way as a crude consciousness - we have the belief structure, or frames of reference, which is the Software, the filter through which the machinery operates. Using information from our "memory" (RAM & HD) we process this information through the mechanism of the "Ego" or conscious mind; the CPU. The processing of information changes with changing input; the filter of beliefs; & depending on what we have stored in memory. We can sum up the mechanisms of consciousness & a computer as - sensory input - the function of memory - with the processing of information. Consciousness is an information system.

If my computer isn't working properly; then I carefully diagnose what the problem is & attempt to adjust whatever may be at fault.
Using powerful meds, is I feel; akin to taking a sledgehammer to fix a PC. But that's my opinion on it.
 
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Danage

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2008
Messages
393
Location
Worcestershire, Great Britain
Reply.

Thank you for your replies. Here is my reply.

If God wanted to punish me - NO amount of medication would stop him.
That's true.

It is true that: Psychosis has caused me to look deeper into Spirituality.

NOT that: my actions and Spirituality have caused the illness.
I was looking at converting to Shepardic Orthodox Judaism at the time of my first psychotic episode, and my son told me of a time in the future where humanity had split into five different branches. The race of the First Earth (of Seven), are the ancestors of all the rest of the Human Race. The existence of other races of Humanity was known to the Fifth Earth (this Earth), but the myth that all of the races were descended from a common race was not known until the destruction of the races' homes.

The war that caused the destruction of the planets was called the Last Crusade, a war between two factions of the Christian religions. One faction emerged victorious. This faction, or it's C21st equivalent, was the church my son wanted me to join. The C21st equivalent of the church my son wanted, and wants, me to join is the church I believe in.

I think we experience these things for a greater purpose; mine has turned out to be academic.
I do believe that my life has steered itself in the direction it is going now. This, and other 'coincidences' are too much for my brain to completely rule out as coincidences, so I believe that my life before my first psychotic episode was steering itself to that end.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
I was looking at converting to Shepardic Orthodox Judaism at the time of my first psychotic episode, and my son told me of a time in the future where humanity had split into five different branches. The race of the First Earth (of Seven), are the ancestors of all the rest of the Human Race. The existence of other races of Humanity was known to the Fifth Earth (this Earth), but the myth that all of the races were descended from a common race was not known until the destruction of the races' homes.

The war that caused the destruction of the planets was called the Last Crusade, a war between two factions of the Christian religions. One faction emerged victorious. This faction, or it's C21st equivalent, was the church my son wanted me to join. The C21st equivalent of the church my son wanted, and wants, me to join is the church I believe in.
Are there 7 physical, separate Earth's? How many are left now, & where are they?
 
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Danage

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Joined
Jul 31, 2008
Messages
393
Location
Worcestershire, Great Britain
Revelation 2 & 3.

Are there 7 physical, separate Earth's? How many are left now, & where are they?
There are seven literal Earths, seven literal Earth Eras. The First Earth orbits the Star Kolob, and the Second, Third, Fourth, Sixth and Seventh I do not know where they exist. The Fifth Earth is this one, orbiting Sol. The First Earth is the Earth of Ephesus, the Second Smyrna, the Third Pergamum, the Fourth Thyatira, the Fifth (this Earth) represents Sardis, the Sixth Philadelphia and the Seventh is the Earth of Laodicea. These Earths, and Earth Eras, correspond to the Seven Churches of Revelation 2 & 3.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
There are seven literal Earths, seven literal Earth Eras. The First Earth orbits the Star Kolob, and the Second, Third, Fourth, Sixth and Seventh I do not know where they exist. The Fifth Earth is this one, orbiting Sol. The First Earth is the Earth of Ephesus, the Second Smyrna, the Third Pergamum, the Fourth Thyatira, the Fifth (this Earth) represents Sardis, the Sixth Philadelphia and the Seventh is the Earth of Laodicea. These Earths, and Earth Eras, correspond to the Seven Churches of Revelation 2 & 3.
Very interesting. Have you found this out through personal revelation; or is this knowledge contained in any other writings, (other than Revelation)?
 
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