C
Crystal89
Member
Hey everyone, I am grateful to be a part of this forum and looking for some comfort and reassurance from others experiences during this time of total crisis in my life.
Last summer I had a huge psychotic break down whilst travelling in California and I ended up in jail over there because I walked away from two police officers whilst they were trying to talk to me, and I was in my psychosis, channelling these other entities none stop, talking to myself, so they arrested me and put me in jail. Once in jail I was not competent to be released for four and a half months. It was hell on earth in there. The whole time I was hearing these other entities/voices speaking through me, whilst they put me through the most ridiculous "initiations" all day and all night. Some of it was really funny and some of it was the most terrifying experience ever. The voices were telling me that my soul was Jesus and Isis, and that my mission was to stop the world from ending. And that I was coming into a spiritual union with a man in my life, who they said was Thoth. A lot of the psychosis was about us coming into union. This was all a total delusion. My hair became completely dreaded as the voices told me not to comb it and just to let it become dreads. By the time the officers gave me a comb it was too late anyway. Luckily the hairdresser managed to fix it once I came home. I experienced huge amounts of energy moving in different ways throughout my body throughout this, and everything I said or did seemed completely channelled, as if I was not in control at all. I said the most ridiculous things to all the officers and in court. It was as if these other entities had complete control over everything I did. They gave me court ordered medication that the first couple of times was very forcefully administered to me.
Then I came back to England and went through a long four months of completely suicidal depression, barely able to leave my bed. I then came out of this depression into a second full blown manic episode, where again the voices were telling me I was Jesus and Isis, putting me through crazy initiations, and making me do and say ridiculous things. I would walk through supermarkets singing and dancing, and be roaming the streets in the middle of the night. At the hight of this manic episode my Mother called the mental health professionals and they had me admitted to hospital for two months. Again some of this experience was a lot of fun and some of it was hell on earth.
Now I'm back home again and facing the same deep and suicidal depression. Feeling like I just cant go on living, and still hearing the voices speaking to me all the time, with nothing of any use to say. So often they tell me I am in an initiation. Sometimes they tell me that I will come through this. Sometimes they tell me they are just there to torture me for life. Its a total living hell.
I would appreciate any words of advice or similar experiences that others may have had. Im totally desperate, and feel I have nothing more to live for. Thanks for reading.
Last summer I had a huge psychotic break down whilst travelling in California and I ended up in jail over there because I walked away from two police officers whilst they were trying to talk to me, and I was in my psychosis, channelling these other entities none stop, talking to myself, so they arrested me and put me in jail. Once in jail I was not competent to be released for four and a half months. It was hell on earth in there. The whole time I was hearing these other entities/voices speaking through me, whilst they put me through the most ridiculous "initiations" all day and all night. Some of it was really funny and some of it was the most terrifying experience ever. The voices were telling me that my soul was Jesus and Isis, and that my mission was to stop the world from ending. And that I was coming into a spiritual union with a man in my life, who they said was Thoth. A lot of the psychosis was about us coming into union. This was all a total delusion. My hair became completely dreaded as the voices told me not to comb it and just to let it become dreads. By the time the officers gave me a comb it was too late anyway. Luckily the hairdresser managed to fix it once I came home. I experienced huge amounts of energy moving in different ways throughout my body throughout this, and everything I said or did seemed completely channelled, as if I was not in control at all. I said the most ridiculous things to all the officers and in court. It was as if these other entities had complete control over everything I did. They gave me court ordered medication that the first couple of times was very forcefully administered to me.
Then I came back to England and went through a long four months of completely suicidal depression, barely able to leave my bed. I then came out of this depression into a second full blown manic episode, where again the voices were telling me I was Jesus and Isis, putting me through crazy initiations, and making me do and say ridiculous things. I would walk through supermarkets singing and dancing, and be roaming the streets in the middle of the night. At the hight of this manic episode my Mother called the mental health professionals and they had me admitted to hospital for two months. Again some of this experience was a lot of fun and some of it was hell on earth.
Now I'm back home again and facing the same deep and suicidal depression. Feeling like I just cant go on living, and still hearing the voices speaking to me all the time, with nothing of any use to say. So often they tell me I am in an initiation. Sometimes they tell me that I will come through this. Sometimes they tell me they are just there to torture me for life. Its a total living hell.
I would appreciate any words of advice or similar experiences that others may have had. Im totally desperate, and feel I have nothing more to live for. Thanks for reading.
