Psychiatrist finally realized how bad my depression has been

valleygirl

valleygirl

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It took 3 appointments with at least 6 weeks between each, for him to realize how bad my depression is. He FINALLY decided to double the dose of my antidepressant, but I can't help but feel that if he had done that 6 weeks ago I could be in a much better place already, with a clean, tidy apartment, not praying every day for there to NOT be a notice of entry from the building manager on my door. I have also been begging God that there will be no emergency access needed into my apartment. It's bad. It's REALLY bad. Yet here I am, so depressed that I cannot manage getting dressed and brushing my teeth, much less clearing out all the garbage and tidying and cleaning my apartment. I have this weird fear of people seeing carry out a bag of garbage, much less the bags and bags I need to clear out. So I am sitting on the couch in my pyjamas, reading Lord of the Rings, thinking how much of the descriptions Frodo's journey sound like they could describe how it feels to be severely depressed. Maybe that's why I want to read it right now.
 
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Yodagirl

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Im sorry it’s taken your psychiatrist to finally realized how bad things are and increased the medicine. I’m praying things will improve for you quickly. :hug:
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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Feeling so low right now, and Monday and Tuesday I have to work with my boss, who just sits around while I do all the hard work. I would dearly love to call in sick, but there are bills to pay.
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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I wish I could just escape all pain and find a mild world of natural beauty - in short, I would dearly love to find the lost Garden of Eden. A place that is neither too cold nor too hot, a world in which I no longer need medication in order to maintain some semblance of mental health. A world full of beauty and light, joy and contentment. A place where the sun shines without hurting the eyes or burning skin, a place where rain falls without chilling the body, a place where there is ever more beauty in nature to explore.
 
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Fishandchips

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I wish I could just escape all pain and find a mild world of natural beauty - in short, I would dearly love to find the lost Garden of Eden. A place that is neither too cold nor too hot, a world in which I no longer need medication in order to maintain some semblance of mental health. A world full of beauty and light, joy and contentment. A place where the sun shines without hurting the eyes or burning skin, a place where rain falls without chilling the body, a place where there is ever more beauty in nature to explore.
When you find it can I come with you?
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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I feel kind of angry at my psychiatrist, because at my previous two appointments (6 weeks in between each appointment), I told him about how I was feeling, and he outright said he wasn't going to increase my antidepressant. It took me breaking down in tears for him to finally get it. Why can't doctors believe a person's words, especially when it's two appointments in a row of saying how bad I'm feeling? Why does it take breaking down in tears? If he would have taken me seriously the first time I could could be feeling much better now, and possibly have a new job with a better employer.
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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I managed to cook up some chicken for meals this week, and made my lunch for tomorrow. I also managed to get to the gym and do 20 minutes on the elliptical, but that's only because I hadn't showered since Wed (shower is still broken), so I've been showering at the gym.
 
Topcat

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I managed to cook up some chicken for meals this week, and made my lunch for tomorrow. I also managed to get to the gym and do 20 minutes on the elliptical, but that's only because I hadn't showered since Wed (shower is still broken), so I've been showering at the gym.
That's fantastic, well done! It is really bad your psych didn't take your word for how bad you were feeling, I think that's quite common and it really shouldn't be. Why they think they know better is beyond me when the main purpose of those appointments is to find out how you are doing.
I hope you can build on your positive start to the week, baby steps and you will get to a better place. I hope Monday and Tuesday with your boss aren't too bad :hug:
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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Monday and Tuesday were okay. Wednesday was an awful day. My boss wasn't in, so I didn't have to cope with her, but we didn't get breaks, so I worked a 9 hour day yesterday. Today we only had 4 children, so I opted to leave work at noon, and I went for a walk by the river, and also sat on a bench and read a book for awhile. Now I just have to get through tomorrow, and then it's the weekend. I really hope my antidepressant kicks in soon, because I still feel really low. Walking by the river was the best thing I could have done for myself today, but it certainly didn't make the depression go away.
 
megirl

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Well done getting out for the walk.
My pdoc advised me when I didn't find pleasure in anything said that just try little things, anyway.
Even though it doesn't feel like its all worth it, its trying to keep yourself going.
The less motivated we get the worse our motivation deteriorates. Any things worth a try.
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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Every day this week I have wanted to call in sick, but I've gone to work anyway. I hate how I feel when I give my boss some plausible sounding lie for why I am sick and can't come into work. I feel so guilty. So today felt like a gift to be able to leave at noon. If I had called in sick I would have just moped around home all day.
 

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