Promises

[Anastassia Florine]

I never seem to keep my promises. Even though I promise I will keep them. I make promises to my boyfriend, to myself, to God, to the people on WrongPlanet, a site I go to, and the autistic community, too. And I promise that I won't do anything that will upset my boyfriend ever again but I do it and make excuses-- "Surely that won't upset him", etc. I don't even know if I'm making excuses, or if I genuinely believe that if I believe in something it will happen therefore if I believe he won't be upset he won't be.

 

[jamesdean]

I dont know the answer to this one however it sounds like your bf does forgive you which often the person that loves you can see things that you think that they cannot so they make allowances that whot love is all about, gods love is unconditional so he will love you no matter whot.
Take care JD

 

[*Sapphire*]

Hi Anastassia

I wonder what is it that drives you to keep making these promises? Do you feel bad if you don't keep them? You don't have to tell me, but I wonder if you thought about what drives you to keep making promises you might get to understand the issue a bit more.
I think it is unwise to promise someone that you won't upset them anymore, I don't really think anyone can make that promise and keep to it, because sometimes we say things that might unintentionally upset someone, you can not always predict others response to things.
I think most people to a certain degree think things like "he won't be upset about this" before we do something, and genuinely believe he won't. However as I said earlier we can never say for sure because everyone is different and has a whole bunch of thoughts, feelings and history that we can't always predict. But I feel there are times when we would wish someone would have a certain reaction because of how we feel about it, rather than actually thinking about what they really may feel, if that makes sense.
If making promises you can't keep is becoming a real issue for you, why don't you try taking a deep breath, and really think about the realities of that promise. It might help you to ask yourself, can you really keep it? Do you have the skills/time/experience/energy to keep it? Is the person I'm making a promise to, really wanting a promise from me, have they asked me to make a promise?
If you answer no to any of those questions then personally I would not make it. I hope that helps in some way.

 

[Anastassia Florine]

Hi, Sapphire77.


I make the promises because the things I promise those people I love are things I need to do for them or not do to them in order to make or keep them happy and be a good person to them. Basic things. And when I said I promised not to upset him, I actually meant that I promised to try not to upset him, and I wonder if I tried my best... or am I still in denial about not trying my best, telling myself I'm wondering if I did when I really know that I didn't?

 

[Apotheosis]

I never make promises.