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Problems with my mum

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ChinaJewel

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 29, 2020
Messages
50
Location
Liverpool
I'm a carer for my mum who has memory loss. She sometimes starts fighting and arguing with me and then blaming me. She thinks I started the fighting. She goes mad when I won't talk to her and saying I look miserable and tells me to act my age. I'm fed up now. I have been dealing with her outbursts since 2015. I also deal with my own mental health issues now and I'm on the long term sick. My mum may have to go into a care home with her illness and she also suffers from back pain. I'm looking to get my own house or flat.
 
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ChinaJewel

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 29, 2020
Messages
50
Location
Liverpool
I'm struggling to cope now. She is often fighting and arguing and blaming me for it. I have been getting ill and getting hacked off sometimes and she starts shouting at me to "grow up" It has been like that for a few years now. She also criticizes me for mistakes I make. I had all this with my uncle who used to live with me and the only person I can talk to in my family is my cousin. I can't bear it anymore.
 
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SYDK

New member
Joined
Jun 12, 2021
Messages
2
Location
United Kingdom
Sorry you have to experience that. I can definitely relate. I have had two nans pass away a few months apart. One passed before new years and the other in April. My first nan was always fixated on something and once she locked on, there was no letting go. She had a really bad reaction to my daughter when she was 9 years old. She's 13 now but at the time it was really bad. She always accused her of taking things or being naughty. Everyday it was something and even after we moved to another country, my mom would call me everyday and tell me how nan was complaining about my daughter taking her stuff even though we no longer lived there. It got to a point where my mum had to remove all of the pictures of my daughter from Nan's view because she was so fixated on my daughter. It was such a sad thing because nan took care of her from she was 6 weeks old. It was hard on the family to accept that this once happy and fun loving person was being subjected to such a horrible disease. My mum could no longer care for nan anymore so we were forced to put her in a care home. She lost her battle with the disease but she fought a good fight as long as she could. She remained in the care home for almost 3 years before she passed. This was my mum's mum.

Moving on to my dad's mum, she was feisty even before the dementia😂. We didn't put her in a care home but she was a struggle as well. She wasn't as aggressive as my other nan. She still had an amazing sense of humor and my dad was able to record one of his last conversations with her where she didn't know she was talking to her son but she sure made a good joke out of it.
She asked dad "Do you know my son Dennis?"
He replied "I am Dennis"
She said "Oh so I don't have to ask how he is doing anymore since you know him so well 🤣🤣"

She was hilarious to the very end. To top it off, we have so many videos of both nan's together competing with each other. And even in death they did not want to be outdone by the other.

Throughout the whole process, we were able to find ways to stay strong and cope with what we knew was the inevitable. All you can do is continue to show love and support. ❤❤ My mum got this book that we both read to help us find our way through this situation that we would never wish on anyway. Perhaps you can try reading this for some guidance in the right direction. Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope While Coping with Stress and Grief (Audio Download): Amazon.co.uk: Pauline Boss PhD, Leslie Howard, Tantor Audio: Audible Audiobooks Good luck ❤
 
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