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Problems with depression and Anxiety becoming too much

B

Brendan_morris

New member
Joined
Nov 19, 2014
Messages
2
Hello, this is my first post on the mental health forum and to be honest it is almost a last resort to try and get an outsiders perspective on my life choices and what I should do.

Around a year and a half ago I started to become depressed. I had applied to medical school earlier that year and complications had meant that I ruined my application and couldn't get in. This was the main factor among other social factors which initially triggered my depression. In a word I felt like I was worthless, I'd worked so hard to get into medical school and I failed just like that. It made me feel like a failure in all aspects of my life, I felt I had no friends and that this was basically because I wasn't a good person. A bit later on I found a girl that I liked and I got rejected which lowered my self confidence even more. On the face of it my life shouldn't be that bad, I have a loving family, good friends and now I'm at a great uni, but I hate my life.

Fast forward almost a year and I'm now doing a degree in Biomedical Sciences at university. I have met some of the best people/friends I know (including a girl I like), I love the degree and the city but I am failing. I have been put on Fleuoxotine for my depression and Zopoclone for insomnia. I can never manage to get to sleep for at least a couple of hours: this leads me to be tired and have migranes in the morning which often leads to me crying or being sick. I am often too tired to go into lectures and then lack the motivation to do anything with my life which in turn makes me worse. I am so anxious all the time now that when anyone says anything negative to me in the slightest my mind will just escalate it to become a massive problem. I have told everyone that I am dropping out as I am so far behind on work that there is no point in carrying on. But this is a decision I really hate having to make, as I said I love it up here and I really do not want to leave the friends I have made, at the same time I don't want to continue with my degree only to soak up more and more pressure and eventually fail it. Since I have been here I have been taken to hospital twice because of self harming and suicidal thoughts are jsut taking over in my brain. I have always used my friends and family as a defence mechanism from suicide as I really don't want to hurt them but as I get worse and worse it is becoming more and more likely, my medication doesn't work and I have been treated by Councillors which I absolutely hate. The only thing that ever makes me feel better is talking to friends. I don't even feel like I can do that anymore as it feels like I am dragging them down. I know ultimately only I can make my life choices, but I just wanted a neutral perspective on what I should do. Many thanks in advance, Brendan.
 
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H

Helena1

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Staff Member on Leave
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Oct 11, 2014
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10,582
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i would defiantly not drop out unless you really need to. there are lots of things you can do, I took a year off and now am in the process of hopefully changing my course to part time have you though about anything like that. maybe a break to concentrate on getting better rather than battling on would be beneficial.
have you been to see the mental health team and disabilities at uni?

if your meds are not working see your GP asap to either increase dose or change the meds you are on.
you say you have councilors, have you thought about therapy or is that what you mean.
i have private therapy, have you thought about that if you have the money or maybe your parents would pay.

i am a medical school reject too. it affected me a lot at the time and probably still too. are you doing biomedical science so you can transfer to medicine later on? i know there is once course loads of people do that i am not sure what it is called though.

welcome to the forum.
 
Sparklypurplepaws

Sparklypurplepaws

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2013
Messages
914
Location
Lincolnshire
Welcome to the forum!
I'm sorry I can't be much help at the minute but I would say listening to you - you really shouldn't make any permanent decisions right now. Could you talk to your tutors? Explain and let them help you, you could devise a plan to catch up or discuss your options at least. If talking helps, come on here - there's always a friendly ear here!
As for your symptoms, I can relate to most of them right now - keep safe and be nice to yourself x
 
U

unit5

Guest
Hi Brendan,

I know what depression and anxiety can do to you, so I understand how you feel. My opinion re your current situation is to either find the right combination/dosage of meds and continue in your studies or take a semester or two off in order to deal with your disease. Don't leave university! Obviously you know that depression is a serious disease and needs to be dealt with as such but staying in university is important too.

It definitely sounds like you're happy where you are with the people you've met so I would say stay in university. Leaving university would just make things worse in the long run so I'd try to find any way possible to deal with the depression and keep your foot in the door at university.

I hope this helps!
 
U

unit5

Guest
Brendan,

Hopefully you'll come back the forum and will read this. Hopefully you've been able to make some headway with the difficulties you've been going through.

Your post sounds a lot like something I would have written when I was in university thirty years ago. Unfortunately I didn't ask for help, but you have and that's good. I didn't have the resources to deal with my depression and anxiety, you do.

I hope you'll leave a reply here. Also, feel free to send me a private message anytime you like. I've been where you are so don't worry about dragging me down, I'd be happy to hear from you!
 
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