J
Jack85
New member
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2008
- Messages
- 3
When I was 18 I was diagnosed with stage 2 psychosis after being sent to the psych after having a "psychotic episode" in which I hallucinated a spirit/phantom-like figure in my bedroom trying to communicate with me. I couldn't hear it but it could hear me, and would respond in body language.
Prior to then I've always seen shit in the air, movements, shapes, figures. Especially at night, in darkness, I seem to see shit more often.
I've seen things since I was a kid though, I vividly recall staring at the wall watching shapes and patterns swirl about and form.
I've also seen auras around people, which is probably related (as far as the psych is concerned) to psychosis.. as I did pretty much all the tests possible to see if there were any problems but found none.
I'm not sure what stage 2 means.. I guess it meant i had it under control.. I could skeptisize about it. I told the psych that it could just be that i have an active imagination, that manifests images into my field of view or something. Although I still couldn't explain the figures and shit.
I stopped going to the psych after refusing anti-psychotics/hallucinogens because I figured the things I saw weren't troubling me in any way, whereas the meds would have unfavourable side effects.
One thing the psych told me back then, was to stay away from drugs. Especially things like amphetamines and weed.
Well as I got older I didn't heed his advice too well, and now have a weekend habit for amphetamines. As well as experimenting with plethoras of other drugs now and then.
Whilst coming down off uppers one night I had some stilnox/ambien to help bring me down and help me sleep.. although I didn't sleep.. I just tripped the hell out.. massively. I was surrounded by figures in my room, mostly transparent, that I could reach out and actually touch.. it was as if they were made of glad wrap/thing plastic.. and would buckle and tear as I touched them.
After wandering around for a bit (giggling) I would follow these figures around and tear their limbs off, crush their heads, just pretty much interact with them as much as I could as long as I was hallucinating TOUCH as well.
Then I heard a whispering in my ears, they were telling me to stop it. I realized then I could hear them, and so I entered long conversations with them, who described themselves as demons, sent here to tutor me.
What they wanted me to do I really don't need to say. Let's just say very bad things, involving people dying. I put all these hallucinations down to the drugs, although the figures/demons had a very similar theme to the one that I interacted with when I was 18 (before I'd tried drugs). Only now with the assistance of drugs I could contact them on a much deeper level.
Eventually I got to sleep but since then I have found that my psychosis? has increased slightly. I now hear voices occasionally.. I know they are near when the ringing in my ears increases, then I start to hear them whispering to me. I can also see them in my bedroom at night, when it is dark. They're usually quite frantic.. trying to get my attention. They can touch me to a degree too. Sometimes I'll feel pressure on my legs and movement.
But yeh.. the voices never went away. They come and go. I've chosen to ignore them, just as I've chosen to ignore the figures that I see.
The way I look at it, if it is all just a mental problem, then paying to much attention to it is only going to make it worse.
But yeh.. quite often when I'm coming down off amphetamines I will hallucinate badly, as it seems I get amphetamine induced psychosis a lot easier then most people would. But as long as I don't listen to what they say, or interact with them.. I think I'm good for now.
The problem has been gradually getting worse over the years though.. the whole fact that I could touch see and hear them that time, and the things they had to say to me, were rather worrying.
I'm not sure if I should see the psych again though. If I went into any serious detail about the things that have been going on I'm worried I'd be committed or something. Or at least forced to have anti-psychotics, and I'd rather not go down that path.
Prior to then I've always seen shit in the air, movements, shapes, figures. Especially at night, in darkness, I seem to see shit more often.
I've seen things since I was a kid though, I vividly recall staring at the wall watching shapes and patterns swirl about and form.
I've also seen auras around people, which is probably related (as far as the psych is concerned) to psychosis.. as I did pretty much all the tests possible to see if there were any problems but found none.
I'm not sure what stage 2 means.. I guess it meant i had it under control.. I could skeptisize about it. I told the psych that it could just be that i have an active imagination, that manifests images into my field of view or something. Although I still couldn't explain the figures and shit.
I stopped going to the psych after refusing anti-psychotics/hallucinogens because I figured the things I saw weren't troubling me in any way, whereas the meds would have unfavourable side effects.
One thing the psych told me back then, was to stay away from drugs. Especially things like amphetamines and weed.
Well as I got older I didn't heed his advice too well, and now have a weekend habit for amphetamines. As well as experimenting with plethoras of other drugs now and then.
Whilst coming down off uppers one night I had some stilnox/ambien to help bring me down and help me sleep.. although I didn't sleep.. I just tripped the hell out.. massively. I was surrounded by figures in my room, mostly transparent, that I could reach out and actually touch.. it was as if they were made of glad wrap/thing plastic.. and would buckle and tear as I touched them.
After wandering around for a bit (giggling) I would follow these figures around and tear their limbs off, crush their heads, just pretty much interact with them as much as I could as long as I was hallucinating TOUCH as well.
Then I heard a whispering in my ears, they were telling me to stop it. I realized then I could hear them, and so I entered long conversations with them, who described themselves as demons, sent here to tutor me.
What they wanted me to do I really don't need to say. Let's just say very bad things, involving people dying. I put all these hallucinations down to the drugs, although the figures/demons had a very similar theme to the one that I interacted with when I was 18 (before I'd tried drugs). Only now with the assistance of drugs I could contact them on a much deeper level.
Eventually I got to sleep but since then I have found that my psychosis? has increased slightly. I now hear voices occasionally.. I know they are near when the ringing in my ears increases, then I start to hear them whispering to me. I can also see them in my bedroom at night, when it is dark. They're usually quite frantic.. trying to get my attention. They can touch me to a degree too. Sometimes I'll feel pressure on my legs and movement.
But yeh.. the voices never went away. They come and go. I've chosen to ignore them, just as I've chosen to ignore the figures that I see.
The way I look at it, if it is all just a mental problem, then paying to much attention to it is only going to make it worse.
But yeh.. quite often when I'm coming down off amphetamines I will hallucinate badly, as it seems I get amphetamine induced psychosis a lot easier then most people would. But as long as I don't listen to what they say, or interact with them.. I think I'm good for now.
The problem has been gradually getting worse over the years though.. the whole fact that I could touch see and hear them that time, and the things they had to say to me, were rather worrying.
I'm not sure if I should see the psych again though. If I went into any serious detail about the things that have been going on I'm worried I'd be committed or something. Or at least forced to have anti-psychotics, and I'd rather not go down that path.
