Problem with relative

Artmuzz

Artmuzz

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Joined
Dec 18, 2012
Messages
167
#1
I usually get a Christmas card from my aunt as we always exchange Christmas cards. However, this Christmas I didn’t get a card from her which made me ask neighbours if they had recieved it by mistake because my postman often makes mistakes. None of my neighbours received the card so I texted my aunt.

The text I got back made me very upset and angry. My aunt claims that she seen me a few times in town but I just walk past her so she has decided to stop sending me Christmas cards.

I then phoned her and apologised but told her that I don’t recall seeing her. Anyway she was very rude to me on the phone and hung up on me.

This situation has made my anxiety disorder and depression a lot worse. If she did see me then obviously I was away with the fairies and not paying attention because I always speak to my aunt when I see her in town even though I find being in town with crowds of people around me overwhelming. If on the other hand it wasn’t me she seen then I have a twin that a I don’t know about.

All this is getting me down and making me wonder if I’m going senile.
 
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somedaymaybe

somedaymaybe

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Feb 28, 2018
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#2
Seems a bit immature of her to suddenly not send a Christmas card because of an assumption she has made. She's an adult, you're an adult (I'm assuming), why not just call and ask "Hey, was it you I saw in town?" And if it was, surely she is capable of understanding that you're not comfortable in larger crowds which causes you not to recognise things or people as well as you would otherwise. Also after you have apologised to her, I can't see why she's still holding this bizarre grudge. Do you think there's something else going on in her life to have suddenly turned on you this way? Sorry this has caused your anxiety and depression to worsen, I hope you are able to see that you've not done anything wrong and perhaps the problem lies with your aunt; try not to overthink it, and I hope she comes around and apologises.
 
Artmuzz

Artmuzz

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Joined
Dec 18, 2012
Messages
167
#3
Seems a bit immature of her to suddenly not send a Christmas card because of an assumption she has made. She's an adult, you're an adult (I'm assuming), why not just call and ask "Hey, was it you I saw in town?" And if it was, surely she is capable of understanding that you're not comfortable in larger crowds which causes you not to recognise things or people as well as you would otherwise. Also after you have apologised to her, I can't see why she's still holding this bizarre grudge. Do you think there's something else going on in her life to have suddenly turned on you this way? Sorry this has caused your anxiety and depression to worsen, I hope you are able to see that you've not done anything wrong and perhaps the problem lies with your aunt; try not to overthink it, and I hope she comes around and apologises.
To cut a long story short I lost my mum nearly 5 years ago. I was very close to my mum and it was a tragedy for me when she died.

My aunt is my mum’s sister but both of them weren’t really close. When my mum died, my aunt wanted the family to stick together but my dad and siblings didn’t want anything to do with her which made her quite bitter and she fell out with them.

I was the only one who stayed in touch with my aunt but since she claims that when she sees me in town and I just walk past her she has falling out with me too. I apologise and tell her that if it was me then I wasn’t paying attention but she doesn’t buy it.

The thing is when I do see her I always try my best and stop and chat to her even though with me having social anxiety it is an effort.
 
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Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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Dec 17, 2018
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California, US
#4
Hi. It sounds like you've tried to make a repair if ever you did make her feel unhappy and you ought to feel pretty good about that effort. We can't know what all is bothering her. It's possible that there's another issue that has nothing to do with you and you've merely caught the splash of emotional overflow.

Hopefully this can be resolved over a meal together. Until it is, try not to treat yourself poorly. Family more than any others know how to push our buttons that make us hurt.

You mentioned you struggle with anxiety, it's very possible your attention was divided when she thinks it ought to have been fixed entirely upon her. If that seems true, perhaps remind her you're struggling with aspects of your mental health. If my mental illness has taught me anything it's that people often misconstrue symptoms as indifference, weakness or rudeness when they don't understand the underlying cause.

I hope you and your Aunt can resolve this soon.
 
Artmuzz

Artmuzz

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Joined
Dec 18, 2012
Messages
167
#5
I texted my aunt telling her that if it was me then apologies because I was probably not paying attention which is the case all the time when I am out in town due to my anxiety disorder. I then told her that my mum wouldn’t like us to fall out over a petty misunderstanding.

The only reply I got back from my aunt was a thumbs up emoji. I then tried to phone her but the phone just rang and rang. I thought maybe she would phone me back but she hasn’t.

Anyway, as mentioned here I should feel happy that at least I’ve tried to resolve the matter. I remember my mother used to warn me that she is a difficult woman. If I do see my aunt again I will have to tell her to not to take it personal if she see me and I walk past because I’m obviously not paying attention and in deep thought which I do a lot.
 
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Artmuzz

Artmuzz

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Joined
Dec 18, 2012
Messages
167
#7
you can always use this argument.

You saw me why didnt you say hi?
Exactly. If she would of at least got my attention I would of stopped and said hello back. My mother did warn me that my aunt is a very difficult, selfish woman.
 
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