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Problem - lies, and more (NEED ADVICE)

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scuba_carla

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May 4, 2008
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:unsure:Hello everyone,
I'm very new at this so pardon me if this may be in the wrong category. My problem seems to be a little bit bigger than an everyday life issue but a little bit less than a mental issue so I figured I'd put it here.
Here's the problem...I need some desperate help.
Im fifteen years old and I go to high school. A few weeeks ago, I got to school and I went to the bathroom. I walked into the stall and on the toilet paper dispenser was a wallet. I quigkly closed the bathroom stall door and stuck the wallet in my purse (i guess you could call that stealing). When I got to my first class, I realized what I did was wrong and I wanted to fix it (somewhat). Therefore, I took all of the personal cards such as credit cards, identification cards, etc. and handed them into the office (without the money or the wallet). The next day, I got called to the office by the vice principal to talk to me about the identification that I returned. When she asked me some questions, I lied and said that all i found was the identification. That wasn't a big deal untill she told my mother about my heroic story. My mother was very proud of me. A couple of weeks later, my mother saw that I had a new wallet in my desk. She immediately asked what it was and I lied to her. I told her that a friend had told me to keep it at my house for a while. My mother immediately got suspicious and she was thinking that possibly it was one of my friends that stole the wallet and gave it to me to keep for awhile. Just today (saturday) she asked me again about the wallet. This time, she asked me why the friend gave it to me to keep for a while. I made up another lie that she had bought another one and that she gave this one to me. She is now extremely suspicious and now im afraid that on monday, she is going to contact the vice principal and talk to her about it. I understand that the stories dont match up and that's why i'm scared. I think that the principal is going to ask the girl that i potentially "framed" and she won't even know what the vice principal is talking about.
Now to the point- I'm not sure what to do.
I really want to tell my mother that it was me that took the wallet but I know that she is going to tell everyone and make a big deal about it. I don't want the vice principal, the principal, my friends, my sister or even my dad to know that I did something this bad...and I dont want to wait until monday to tell her because then she will already have snooped around.
I realized that I have made a HUGE mistake and something like this will never happen again, but i'm scared as to what my mother will say.
Please post with any advice as to what i should do...its laying so heavy on my conscience that I can't even sleep. I have been up until 2:30 now.:confused:
please give me some advice that will help me make the right decision. Should I tell my mom? and what sould I tell her??:confused:
 
KP1

KP1

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1,500
Guilty conscience

I have teenagers so Im writing this as a mum.You clearly feel bad about what you have done I hope because you feel it is wrong rather than worrying about being caught.If your relationship is good I would say tell your mum.
Between the two of you you can decide what is best to do.
 
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Dollit

Guest
I think you've learned the hard way that dishonesty never pays off and that lying is incredibly difficult to keep up for someone who seems to be an essentially. Being young is all about making mistakes and all about learning how to repair them. Go you your mum and confess - she's suspicious anyway. She won't stop loving you. Go with her to the vice principal and return the money. People will soon forget what happened because even though this is the biggest thing in your life right now it will soon become the smallest in theirs. If anyone at school says anything to you you just say, "I made a mistake and gave in to temptation". Then move on with the rest of your life. :hug:
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
Hi Scuba

I think that most people faced with finding some cash; are going to keep it. You didn't go off to a cash point or try using the cards. Nor did you steal the wallet - you found it. If I found a wallet full of cash, & I didn't know whose it was; I would probably keep it myself, & I consider myself an honest person.

There was a time many years ago when I did take things - from shops, cars & buildings. I wasn't a prolific offender; but I was involved in crime & associated with people who were into allot of crime.

Try not to worry - it's no big deal. You will have forgotten what the bother was about in a little while. :)
 
KP1

KP1

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Difference of opinion here. I think it was a big deal to the person who lost or left their walet in the toilets in the first place. By my definition this is theft.I agree its not the end of the world and feeling uncomfortable about does mean something has been learnt here.
 
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Dollit

Guest
I don't know where scuba-carla is from but in the UK this is defined as Theft by Finding and is a criminal offence and therefore a punishable offence.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
I don't know where scuba-carla is from but in the UK this is defined as Theft by Finding and is a criminal offence and therefore a punishable offence.
& breaking the speed limit, pirating films, tax evasion, not displaying a valid parking ticket are also offences - along with an ever growing plethora of minor offences. In the Grand scheme of things it isn't the crime of century - no one has been murdered. It isn't worth getting upset about. I have had money stolen from me on more than one occasion. Having experienced both sides of crime; the effect is that I am far more aware & I am very careful about my personal property. Who leaves their wallet in a toilet anyway!?
 
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Dollit

Guest
Actually Apo I once left my hand bag in the cubicle of a toilet. I was ill at the time and couldn't concentrate properly. We're all not perfectly in control of our lives for a number of reasons. And I haven't always lived on the right side of the law but it's because I know what effect even small actions can have on people that I appreciate what Carla is talking about.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
Actually Apo I once left my hand bag in the cubicle of a toilet. I was ill at the time and couldn't concentrate properly. We're all not perfectly in control of our lives for a number of reasons. And I haven't always lived on the right side of the law but it's because I know what effect even small actions can have on people that I appreciate what Carla is talking about.
I do agree - I once took off a gold bracelet & left it on a table in the smoking room in the ward I was on, & left the room, I never saw it again. I have also left bags on trains. I was delusional & psychotic. I am aware of my actions in relation to others; I found a wallet in college on the stairs, some 3 years ago & handed it in, without taking out the money. I wasn't always so charitable. But I don't think it's worth getting overly upset over our mistakes. I have been racked with guilt over certain things I have done in the past. It isn't worth making ourselves ill over making mistakes.
 
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Dollit

Guest
Perhaps not but we are responsible for what we do and have a duty to ourselves to face that responsibility. It's the only way we move forward and grow. Recidivists keep on offending because they never face responsibility for their actions. It's not a big deal but it's either own up or get chewed up with guilt. Easy choice for me these days.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
Perhaps not but we are responsible for what we do and have a duty to ourselves to face that responsibility. It's the only way we move forward and grow. Recidivists keep on offending because they never face responsibility for their actions. It's not a big deal but it's either own up or get chewed up with guilt. Easy choice for me these days.
Most of the things which used to go round & round in my head were not about criminal acts.

I see myself as accountable; I do not think I was completly responsible when in a heavily drunk/drugged & psychotic state. Although it is interesting to note that even when in a heavily drugged state - there is still a decision making process.

I agree that repeat offenders often never face the responsibility for their actions. They don't have much guilt, they don't see the effects of their actions; or that it is wrong - in many cases. In allot of cases prison is no deterant either.
 
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Dollit

Guest
Responsibility was explained to be by current consultant when I claimed I wasn't responsible for the things I do when I'm manic or depressed or when I was under the influence of whatever it was at the time. Firstly he called that bull**** as it's just a cop out. He says if I do something under the influence of drug or drink or extremities of mood that I was thinking of doing it anyway and that the other influence just disinhibited me enough to it - thus I am responsible unless categorized as insane. I'm happy with that.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
He says if I do something under the influence of drug or drink or extremities of mood that I was thinking of doing it anyway and that the other influence just disinhibited me enough to it - thus I am responsible unless categorized as insane. I'm happy with that.
I know in the eyes of the law it is no excuse. For someone in the throes of addiction &/or insanity/psychosis, I would say they are not wholly responsible. They are however accountable.
 
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Dollit

Guest
The first time you do something under the influence you may not know that you would react that way. The second time you do you did it knowing how you react. So you took the drink or the drugs knows the possible outcome. That makes you responsible. No one made me take drink or drugs or behave the way I did and I was certainly responsible for my behaviour and still am. Accountability is just another word for accepting responsibilty.
 
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