Pretty much ready to blow my brains out (not really)

[DistantOcean]

I really want to blow my brains out right now. I stayed friends with my caretaker after she quit her job and she just ended our friendship while blaming it on the power differential, while she always talked openly with me about all her problems. Also I am disappointed in dating sites and Tinder. I barely have had even one single interesting long-lasting conversation. Most of the time I get blocked for seemingly no apparent reason or I stop getting reactions pretty soon and are left completely ignored. I also I sent multiple long e-mails to different content creators on Youtube which I really like who are all ignoring me (or at least for one month now). And all my parents seem to be able to do while I'm broken is stand there and sit with me. Which I can't really seem to appreciate. I don't even know what I do want them to do. And all the conversations with my many caregivers seem to be somewhat the same. I have an opinion or feel a certain way and they try to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I can see their point, mostly I don't. It all seems so pointless. It seems like I'm heading nowhere, my fate in mankind is beyond repair, and somehow I don't feel loved. I just feel alone and I feel lost.

 

[Zoe1]

sounds to me like your parents do love you DistantOcean

standing or sitting with you in silence
is a very great expression of love
they probably dont have skills in mental health
and are desperately lost for words
and the only way they can show it is to sit with you

you will find friends here

 

[DistantOcean]

thank you Zoe

you don't seem to need many words to say a lot
I particularly like: 'standing or sitting with you in silence is a great expression of love' -- would leave out the 'very' because an overstatement seems unnecessary here

I also found some comfort in your emoticons
it makes me a bit sad that I don't know how to use them myself though
it is an interesting combination you chose
I especially like the turtle
would've preferred a red heart though
I don't know why

 

[midnightphoenix]

We're all here for you, DistantOcean

 

[DistantOcean]

Thanks Midnight Phoenix,
I am happy I am able to share my inner struggles with a community of caring people

 

[Elisante]

Dating sites are a joke, except if you are looking for an one night stand. Don't feel bad for people blocking you. I'm pretty sure you'll feel less lonely if you message one of your friends in this forum.

 

[DistantOcean]

sounds to me like your parents do love you DistantOcean

standing or sitting with you in silence
is a very great expression of love
they probably dont have skills in mental health
and are desperately lost for words
and the only way they can show it is to sit with you

you will find friends here

Zoe, I think I have found the red heart!

 

[June Thaw]

I feel the same. The longer I know with someone, the more exposed I become. I can't pretend and let it all out what is going on my mind. Some judges me and some left including my recent girlfriend. All of my trying, care and love might seem just I am so desperate for them.

 

[OCDguy]

I have an opinion or feel a certain way and they try to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I can see their point, mostly I don't.

Your opinion and points of view are valid, and yours. In my opinion only under certain circumstances should someone really try changing them. Although discuss and challenge them is probably human nature. I personally would love to hear your opinions, it's part of what makes us all unique.

 

[Zoe1]

Zoe, I think I have found the red heart!

 

[Bet]

What do u mean by caretakers?