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Powerful nostalgia about a camp school from 19 years ago, probably related to my current much less social life

Peter86

Peter86

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May 22, 2018
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Powerful nostalgia about a camp school from 19 years ago, probably related to my current much less social life

I have a somewhat complex problem which is like a combination of nostalgia and a less social life:
the thing is, I sometimes feel an intense nostalgia about when I was at a camp school in the summer of 1999, when I was 13 years old, and when I think about that time I often feel kind of melancholic about it, and sometimes it has even made me cry.
I think one reason for this might be because I had a lot of pleasant social experiences during our three days there, and also had much more friends back then than I do now.

Two of the most positive experiences at that camp school were actually contacts with girls - the first time was when I held eye contact with a girl that I saw on one of the buses right when we had arrived there, and the second time was the second night at a disco, and both times those girls approached me with some of their girl-friends a few minutes later and wanted to hang out with me.
I sometimes spent time with the first girls during the first and second day there (we often played "Sega Rally Championship" at an arcade, which was another very fun experience) and they also turned out to be my future classmates and from my own village, and I followed the other girls who were from some other village home for a while on the second evening, and then one of them wanted me to call her when I got home (which I never did, for some reason).

I think that one reason why I feel such a powerful nostalgia for this specific time might be because it was a new experience, and also because I had lots of positive experiences there in a relatively short time as well.
Also, I was much more social and much more laidback in those days in general, and those days at the camp school are my most vivid memories of me seeking eye contact and smiling to girls that I didn't know - I cannot do something like that nowadays, because I take every social interaction so damn seriously and feel stiff and uncomfortable when I so much as think about doing it.
Also, most of my friends from back then have move to other cities, and this has made me more and more of a loner, so that I very rarely spend time with anyone at all nowadays, except my family members, and this has made me rather careful and less comfortable with starting conversations with strangers.
My classmates from my current engineering program seemed to like me in the beginning, but since I never approached them myself they became more and more careful after a few months.

I think that the fact that I had a lot more friends back in my early/mid-teens probably gave me a lot of energy, and this probably also made it much easier for me to be spontaneous and relaxed among new people as well.
And maybe I feel so much nostalgia for the camp school because I remember lots of things about myself that I really miss nowadays.

What are your thoughts about this?
I feel that I most likely have this strong sting of nostalgia for that camp school because I simply remember so many things about myself from when I was there that I miss a lot, and I have a feeling that this nostalgia might go away if I start hanging out at social events at my school some more and regain my casual and social personality.
 
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Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Hi Peter. :) Welcome to the Forum. I think you hit the nail on the head in your last sentence. "I have a feeling that this nostalgia might go away if I start hanging out at social events at my school some more and regain my casual and social personality." Get out a calendar and mark down some events you can go to.
 
Peter86

Peter86

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May 22, 2018
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Hi Peter. :) Welcome to the Forum. I think you hit the nail on the head in your last sentence. "I have a feeling that this nostalgia might go away if I start hanging out at social events at my school some more and regain my casual and social personality." Get out a calendar and mark down some events you can go to.
Thanks. :)
Yes, I am definitely gonna try visiting some party at my university, possibly this weekend.
I am from Sweden, and people here are typically a lot more willing to be approached at parties or other types of social events, so that's probably the best place to start.

My biggest obstacle there is that I kind of compare myself with how it went at that party at the camp school;
I feel like I would lose a lot of confidence if I didn't immediately make a positive impression even when I tried being outgoing, and then I might feel even more jealous of my old self, when everything felt really smooth (my own more positive and casual attitude to people and their apparent more positive and casual attitude to me).

Another somewhat tricky thing (that I am definitely gonna practise nonetheless) is to make my classmates get used to me when I change my behaviour.
They have got used to me being very quiet (except when they approached me during the first couple months and encouraged me to have an actual conversation with them) and whenever I meet them at school nowadays we pretty much just give each other a somewhat uneasy "...hi", and I guess that they will probably keep acting careful themselves for a while even when they notice that I start acting differently, and this would probably be a bit discouraging at first.
But I guess I will have to practise that as well.
 
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