• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Post traumatic stress and guilt

Scapes1986

Scapes1986

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
3,174
Location
Mars
I don’t know how to fight it. I try telling myself that I’m a good person but it only helps temporarily. I’m afraid that I’m doomed to feel this way forever.
Recovery takes time. Just remain positive. And feel free to share. I know things can be messy but it’s worth working it.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
6,942
Location
England
Yes I was! And I did weird things that made me feel guilty about my past. Like swallowing pennies, and pissing myself on trampoline or in pool. Stupid stuff like that. I killed a frog by accident once with plastic lawn mower and didn’t hear the end of it from my subconscious. These are things I’d like to awaken in myself and overcome. Am I being to hard to understand?
I understand. I think as you were made to feel guilty for just doing things children do, you now carry that guilt. All those things you mentioned are things that children do. You did not mean to hurt the frog. You would never do it on purpose. You swallowing pennies or wetting yourself are examples of being a child. They do not make you a bad person.
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
3,174
Location
Mars
I understand. I think as you were made to feel guilty for just doing things children do, you now carry that guilt. All those things you mentioned are things that children do. You did not mean to hurt the frog. You would never do it on purpose. You swallowing pennies or wetting yourself are examples of being a child. They do not make you a bad person.
Thanks 😊
 
Zero One

Zero One

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2020
Messages
2,963
Location
United States
I used to get feelings of severe guilt with nothing to pin it to. Hope it gets better for you soon Scapes1986💕
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
3,174
Location
Mars
I used to get feelings of severe guilt with nothing to pin it to. Hope it gets better for you soon Scapes1986💕
I’m feeling a bit better, :hug: thank you! Not quite there, all in all but a work in progress. Thanks
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
767
Location
Down-under
Hi @Scapes1986 @bpd2020 @Zero One and those reading/posting;

Complex PTSD carries with it a boat load of regret. I cringe sometimes at the sheer lack of normality with my responses and behaviour; most of which were/are linked to focusing on the good in people instead of their capacity for abuse. This was my childhood; can't run, can't fight, can't freeze all the time so accepting abusive behaviour was my only survival tool for a very long time. When you're told everything's your fault, believing it becomes the norm. Don't question, just accept it.

I was up last night worrying about being too mentally wounded to start my own business. Acceptance therapy has been my saviour when it comes to regret or guilt, but 'owning' the fact I don't have what it takes to make a go of it is a hard pill to swallow.

When my MH was at its worst I used to say the Serenity Prayer;

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


Each word is a gift for those of us who can't seem to shake past, present or future mistakes. Forgiveness is the next step, then accepting change can occur, but sometimes it's just too much to ask of ourselves.

One thing therapists and doctors don't tell us, is that we need to grieve the person we could've been. I think this is a key factor in recovery because it encompasses all our could've, should've and would've issues; guilt and regret.

We are who we are - perfectly flawed. I've finally accepted I don't have the capacity to cope with a business, even if it's a very unique and great opportunity. Letting go is the only way forward.

Can you relate?
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
6,942
Location
England
Hi @Scapes1986 @bpd2020 @Zero One and those reading/posting;

Complex PTSD carries with it a boat load of regret. I cringe sometimes at the sheer lack of normality with my responses and behaviour; most of which were/are linked to focusing on the good in people instead of their capacity for abuse. This was my childhood; can't run, can't fight, can't freeze all the time so accepting abusive behaviour was my only survival tool for a very long time. When you're told everything's your fault, believing it becomes the norm. Don't question, just accept it.

I was up last night worrying about being too mentally wounded to start my own business. Acceptance therapy has been my saviour when it comes to regret or guilt, but 'owning' the fact I don't have what it takes to make a go of it is a hard pill to swallow.

When my MH was at its worst I used to say the Serenity Prayer;

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


Each word is a gift for those of us who can't seem to shake past, present or future mistakes. Forgiveness is the next step, then accepting change can occur, but sometimes it's just too much to ask of ourselves.

One thing therapists and doctors don't tell us, is that we need to grieve the person we could've been. I think this is a key factor in recovery because it encompasses all our could've, should've and would've issues; guilt and regret.

We are who we are - perfectly flawed. I've finally accepted I don't have the capacity to cope with a business, even if it's a very unique and great opportunity. Letting go is the only way forward.

Can you relate?
I can relate to grieving for the person we could have been or the child we were not being loved. I just find that too painful to think about.

I think you have come a long way to accept things. I am sorry you are unable to open the business you wanted to.
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
3,174
Location
Mars
Hi @Scapes1986 @bpd2020 @Zero One and those reading/posting;

Complex PTSD carries with it a boat load of regret. I cringe sometimes at the sheer lack of normality with my responses and behaviour; most of which were/are linked to focusing on the good in people instead of their capacity for abuse. This was my childhood; can't run, can't fight, can't freeze all the time so accepting abusive behaviour was my only survival tool for a very long time. When you're told everything's your fault, believing it becomes the norm. Don't question, just accept it.

I was up last night worrying about being too mentally wounded to start my own business. Acceptance therapy has been my saviour when it comes to regret or guilt, but 'owning' the fact I don't have what it takes to make a go of it is a hard pill to swallow.

When my MH was at its worst I used to say the Serenity Prayer;

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


Each word is a gift for those of us who can't seem to shake past, present or future mistakes. Forgiveness is the next step, then accepting change can occur, but sometimes it's just too much to ask of ourselves.

One thing therapists and doctors don't tell us, is that we need to grieve the person we could've been. I think this is a key factor in recovery because it encompasses all our could've, should've and would've issues; guilt and regret.

We are who we are - perfectly flawed. I've finally accepted I don't have the capacity to cope with a business, even if it's a very unique and great opportunity. Letting go is the only way forward.

Can you relate?
I love the serenity prayer! I’ve let go of my book I was writing. Although it was good I can’t manage publishing so I know what you are going through. Sometimes things are better left unsaid and keep secretly to ourselves as things we know we can accomplish but just don’t have the time for. I can relate.

When we can but can’t we need to let go. It’s a bit like a failure but really it’s an accomplishment. Another step in recovery called - taking care of yourself. Not just our responsibilities.
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
767
Location
Down-under
@bpd2020 🙋‍♀️

Thankyou for your kind thoughts...

I can relate to grieving for the person we could have been or the child we were not being loved. I just find that too painful to think about.
I used to suffer the same sadness but it struck me one day that it wasn't that I wasn't loved, mum didn't know how to give love, but more importantly...'accept' my love; she didn't know how. When I talked with my siblings about it they gasped in agreement. It wasn't our fault!

We devised a plan; each time we saw mum we hugged and kissed her. At first she balked at the situation and became embarrassed. After a while though it sunk in that we didn't want anything from her as unconditional love was unknown to her. Now it's her/our norm.

This one small gesture changed our relationship and has mellowed a once angry and resentful woman, counteracting past hurts. I'm not saying this will help your situation, but the old adage - 'fake it till you make it' has definite merit where love's concerned.

I'm sorry your pain is so deep 💌

@Scapes1986 🙋‍♀️

I appreciate your candour and kind comments; thankyou. I'm sorry you find it too difficult to complete your writing/passion. Creative outlets are a huge part of recovery and, a way to tap into our brilliance.

I want so badly to find an employment opportunity that doesn't require me to use empathy and emotions. I've been in the helping professions so long it's become ingrained in my psyche as the only way of feeling valued/valuable.

My broken brain needs to rest and function at a different level of awareness; something more enjoyable and creative. I've wanted to become an event planner, but Covid 19 put the kybosh on that idea; for at least a time anyway.

I feel sorry about your guilt and regret from past experiences, however you have a gift for words and giving; this is no small thing. The world needs givers and being part of this online community is a wonderful outlet for your gifts indeed. Thankyou...
 
N

Nina24

Active member
Joined
Oct 21, 2020
Messages
44
Location
UK
"LizBo said - One thing therapists and doctors don't tell us, is that we need to grieve the person we could've been. I think this is a key factor in recovery because it encompasses all our could've, should've and would've issues; guilt and regret.
We are who we are - perfectly flawed. Letting go is the only way forward."

So true x
Having been triggered and spending this afternoon in a mess, I contacted my sister, the wisest woman I know and this is her similar reply -

"We can't ignore our inner child, because that's where our emotions from that time remember, but we can recognize them and tell our inner child that we are listening and trying to understand and giving that young one the biggest hug too, the ones we missed out on."

Such wise words!
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
767
Location
Down-under
"LizBo said - One thing therapists and doctors don't tell us, is that we need to grieve the person we could've been. I think this is a key factor in recovery because it encompasses all our could've, should've and would've issues; guilt and regret.
We are who we are - perfectly flawed. Letting go is the only way forward."

So true x
Having been triggered and spending this afternoon in a mess, I contacted my sister, the wisest woman I know and this is her similar reply -

"We can't ignore our inner child, because that's where our emotions from that time remember, but we can recognize them and tell our inner child that we are listening and trying to understand and giving that young one the biggest hug too, the ones we missed out on."

Such wise words!
:welcome: Nina:grouphug:

Inner child work's really important. I used to hug myself, close my eyes and visualise hugging the child/baby/toddler or even the adult that I was. (Depending on the trigger)

Your sis does sound wise indeed; it's great you have someone to turn to close by. I hope your time here is a valuable and enjoyable one. We're a nice bunch of peep's.

Kind thoughts;
Liz x
 
Top