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Post traumatic stress and guilt

Scapes1986

Scapes1986

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🗣Today I was thinking about my memory. Things I’ve experienced in life. One thing that sticks out for me is that I seem to have always gotten my way through kindness and being polite. The more I think about it the more I think I should’ve battled my inner demons better because now I feel this overwhelming feeling of guilt. The one thing that shows the same feelings of guilt which has been posted here a lot lately is pleasure.

I think to categorize it into different kinds of guilt would be useless. And to categorize it into different feelings of guilt confuses me. I wish I didn’t take out such aggression on myself sometimes in times of struggle because then I wouldn’t feel so ashamed or guilty. Thanks for the read
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I don't fully understand what you have written, but you mentioned kindness and being polite and that reminded me of something i think about often - that i shouldn't have been so kind and polite in the past, i should have stuck up for myself more and been more assertive. I don't know if we are talking about the same thing though?
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

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I don't fully understand what you have written, but you mentioned kindness and being polite and that reminded me of something i think about often - that i shouldn't have been so kind and polite in the past, i should have stuck up for myself more and been more assertive. I don't know if we are talking about the same thing though?
Its having a feeling of guilt that comes from no where. You’ve really done nothing wrong and you feel ashamed. Causes me a mess of stress. Thanks for the reply.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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I too often feel guilt but for no reason. Were you made to feel guilt as a child? I think that is where the guilt comes from for me.
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

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I too often feel guilt but for no reason. Were you made to feel guilt as a child? I think that is where the guilt comes from for me.
Yes I was! And I did weird things that made me feel guilty about my past. Like swallowing pennies, and pissing myself on trampoline or in pool. Stupid stuff like that. I killed a frog by accident once with plastic lawn mower and didn’t hear the end of it from my subconscious. These are things I’d like to awaken in myself and overcome. Am I being to hard to understand?
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

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And to go on... I’m in my apartment now after a long vacation at my old home but it’s not going well. I’m going to try to move into my parents again. I feel to sick to continue my apt living and to take care of myself both mentally and health wise. I wish I would of thought about these problems in the beginning of the year so I wouldn’t feel so jammed. Wish me luck with asking my mother about this, she’s very strict sometimes.
 
P

Pollypop

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I hope you feel a little more settled soon.

If you want to move back home, I hope your mum agrees.

Take care.
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

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And on top of everything else I still have to work my program. My program details are down to phone calls and weekly meeting due to the virus, which does give me some relief but I still feel the pressures. I hope I don’t make any past mistakes or fall into old ways and traps. I feel like this leg of my journey has just begun. I feel sad. And overwhelmed. But I will try to cut down on as much as I can do I can be fitter and happier!
 
Jam1990

Jam1990

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I also feel guilt from nowhere. It’s just how my brain works. It’s just used to feeling this way I think. I felt guilty growing up for being gay and I think it just programmed my brain to automatically feel this way. Anytime I feel any kind of happiness it’s automatically drowned out by feelings of guilt and shame. It’s awful and I don’t know how to get past it. I sometimes think of punishing myself in different ways. I’m real messed up :-(
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

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Mars
I also feel guilt from nowhere. It’s just how my brain works. It’s just used to feeling this way I think. I felt guilty growing up for being gay and I think it just programmed my brain to automatically feel this way. Anytime I feel any kind of happiness it’s automatically drowned out by feelings of guilt and shame. It’s awful and I don’t know how to get past it. I sometimes think of punishing myself in different ways. I’m real messed up :-(
Thanks for the share! Do you ever channel it somewhere else.. I’m sure you still have a sense of humor to fight it. I feel it from death a lot. Guilt that I wasn’t there enough for my family ( whom have passed) and peers (I don’t talk to anymore) As for being gay it’s nothing to be ashamed of, we’re all different in our own ways.
 
Jam1990

Jam1990

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May 22, 2020
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Thanks for the share! Do you ever channel it somewhere else.. I’m sure you still have a sense of humor to fight it. I feel it from death a lot. Guilt that I wasn’t there enough for my family ( whom have passed) and peers (I don’t talk to anymore) As for being gay it’s nothing to be ashamed of, we’re all different in our own ways.
I don’t know how to fight it. I try telling myself that I’m a good person but it only helps temporarily. I’m afraid that I’m doomed to feel this way forever.
 
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