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Possibly cyclothymic...but even that doesn't seem to fit

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Allyke

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Jun 2, 2010
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Hey everyone.

I'm really confused. I've had pretty serious depression for about five or six years I think and also problems with self harm. I've recently been talking about it to my doctor and she suggested that it might be something else and not just depression as I'd always thought. I think she said this because I don't tend to stay depressed for weeks or months at a time...it can vary from just a few hours to a few days and I think the longest has been about two weeks. But I can also go from being so unhappy that I can't seem to do anything but just stay in bed to feeling really positive and confident. It's like someone just flicks a switch and everything's good again. Since the doctor suggested cyclothymia, I've been doing some research, but I'm still confused...I can understand the depressive side no problem, it just sounds like me but it's the hypomanic bits I struggle with. I do have times where I feel really cheerful and I'm far more energetic than usual and need less sleep but this rarely lasts for more than a few hours. I don't do anything particularly impulsive or uncontrolled spending or anything like that, but there are moments when I feel so restless that I feel like I'm going to explode and I feel really creative and can come up with loads of ideas and my thoughts just seem to keep coming (although I'm not really sure I'd say they "race"). But as I said, this doesn't last for long and I'm back to feeling depressed. I can also get insanely angry for no reason and I can't seem to control myself and sometimes it's like all my thoughts have been smashed up but I still feel bombarded by bits and pieces of them, but this can happen when I'm depressed as well, I just can't seem to concentrate.
Sorry this so long and rambling, I just feel so confused and I feel completely unstable and out of control... I just don't understant how one minute I can be so depressed that I just want to disappear and then the next I can be happy and loud and confident. But then when I read about people who actually have cyclothymia, their hypomania seems a lot worse than whatever I experience. I was just wondering if it kind of goes on a sliding scale with some people having it really bad and others who seem more or less normal? I think I would just like some advice from someone who knows what this is meant to feel like as I'm pretty confused.
Thank you!
 
G

gothicminx

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May 16, 2010
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Hi, welcome to the site. I'm going through the same as you, awaiting confirmation of this diagnosis, but I do think cyclothymia fits what I have been experiencing. Have you been referred to a psychiatrist for a psych eval? If you have (and I think you should even if your GP hasn't suggested it), don't fret until you've had a chance to discuss it with them. I know that's easier said than done but, once you've chatted to a professional about this some more, hopefully things will become clearer.

Good luck :)
 
A

Allyke

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Jun 2, 2010
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Hey, thanks for replying...it's good to know I'm not the only one. I've not been referred to a psychiatrist, in fact I've only seen my GP about it twice and I was surprised that she was so quick to make a suggestion, I always thought it took ages. I'm seeing her again on Friday, so hopefully that will shed some light on things.

Good luck to you too, hope everything works out ok for you.
 
G

gothicminx

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Thanks very much Allyke, I hope everything becomes clear soon and that you get the help you need in order to feel better :)
 
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Deremna

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I have been diagnosed with bipolar II (though my psychologist thinks I may have ADHD as well) and I, too, am depressed most of the time. My hypomanic episodes never have the physically hyper or upbeat symptoms; I am constantly angry, irritable, agressive and I will go into seemingly unprovoked rages. I attend a bipolar group every Wednesday and it have helped me to see the varying degrees of bipolar disorders. To me, my bipolar seems really weak and I feel guilty attending the group with people who have way worse symptoms than me. But they are all very supportive and remind me that my if my symptoms are enough to distress me, then they are a big deal. Just because your symptoms don't seem to be classic textbook or as severe as someone else, doesn't make them any less important to you. So I wouldn't worry too much about what category you fit in to, just concentrate on your particular symptoms and communicate them to your doctor. I don't really understand my symptoms most of the time but you don't have to understand things to accept them. Just concentrate on getting to a state where you feel comfortable and happy!
 
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Allyke

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Thank you so much! That's really helpful.
 
dib4uk

dib4uk

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I agree with what has been already said, and just try to concintrate? on your speicific symptoms and how they have made you feel. I dont fit all the criteria for bipola either, but cyclothymia fits me and some of my symptoms. So try not to panic so much or get worried about what the doctors would say to you.
 
A

Allyke

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Jun 2, 2010
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Thank you! Again, that's really helpful and comforting to know. I think the problem is I don't really know how I normally feel anymore. I'm starting to wonder if my possible periods of hypomania are just normal happiness, but just seem more extreme in contrast with the depression...it's all confusing...
 

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