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Possible sza said the doctor

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Darknesssdaughter

Guest
I feel lonely, different than other human beings. I'm isolated from several years.
Received this diagnosis of sza bipolar type and it makes me more deprezsed.
I feel everything is to much.
Have to pretend I'm normal to the outside world, this gets me exhausted.
I started drinking and I think I like it cause it makes me numb so I don't feel anything. But don't want to become an alchoolic.
I have daily mood swings.
I have obsessions and compultions.
I hate my family, no support, but abuse.
I can't sleep because I'm always stressed, on alert about what's going to happen next.

I feel my place is not here on this earth, I don't feel like the other humans.

I have mh problems from 2013. In the beginning they were episodic, from one trauma I had in 2016 they becomed permanent.

I can't find enjoyment in any routine activities, like cleaning, cooking, etc. They annoy me.
I'm a sezation seeker and I can't change this.is destroying my life.

I think I'm used to how I am so I don't even bother to recover anymore. Don't remember any moments of normality in my psychic that lasted in the last years.
 
TheDarkPassenger

TheDarkPassenger

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 24, 2019
Messages
102
Location
United States
You can pull through it, just try to find things that can take your mind off of it.
 
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Darknesssdaughter

Guest
Can someone explain how is for them living with schizo affective disorder?
 
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Beckib

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2019
Messages
83
Location
Sheffield
I hear voices, the main and horrible one is a man. I get paranoid about people spying on me, a sniper will shoot me, amongst others. I have this man that follows me everywhere no one else can see him and he can listen to my thoughts and make bad things happen. I don’t like busy places. I have terrible mood swings, I can be so tired, un motivated, cry at anything, not go out, not eat then be awake for days, doing exercise, re decorating, become aggressive. I find daily life hard it’s constantly taking meds, trying not to get stressed, trying to get through each day one day at a time. I am hoping new meds will help me because I’ve never been stable with the bipolar and never been able to be free from my voices and paranoia.
What’s it like for you
 
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Darknesssdaughter

Guest
I had in the past a man following me around as you described. He listens to your thoughts, observing everything you are doing and torture you even psizically. Now I feel him from time to time next to my bed when I'm falling asslep. The only difference was that I will feel this precence only in my house, not everywhere.

I see people (real not hallucination) laughing and staring at me and I do not like that. They judge me cause I'm mentally ill. So than, sometimes I become suspicious and paranoid about everyone doing the same.
Sometimes when they argue outside or talk loud I think I did something wrong so must be arguing about me.
I hide from people most of the time.
Sometimes I hear my mothers screams and injuries in my head and it drives me nuts.
When very distressed, depressed or desperate a voice in my head tryes to confort me. Or other voice is making me feel even worse.
Im having inner dialogue between 2 persons about what should I do, what should I think, how should I be, what act is moral, what is fair. One person is evil, one is good.
The halucinations don't last long and don't come often, unless I'm extremely stressed and insomniac.
Mood swings are more problematic.
During the day I change between euphoria and depression. My anger is out of control.
Sometimes I feel nothing. Everything is boring. Nothing intrestes me.
I want to die everyday but I don't want to die the way I am now and the way my life looks.
Im searching for excitement most of the time so I forget about myself.
Sleep is bad. Cognition and memory becomed bad also.
Im putting a mask everytime I have to interact with people. I hate the fact that I can't be myself with my family, I have to pretend I'm happy and normal and it's exausting.
I feel like trash all the time.
I always loose line of the thought, my thodgts are disorganised, or to many. Or All these together. I forget a lot.
Don't know if all these are because of sza.
 
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Darknesssdaughter

Guest
Hope you will find new medication that will help you.

What are your meds now?
 
B

Beckib

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2019
Messages
83
Location
Sheffield
Currently going through quetiapine withdrawal it is terrible. Pdoc told me to stop the Q at 200mg my last dose was Tuesday night, I haven't slept, I'm cold but hot. I'm going onto aripiprazole I also take epilim 2000mg, sertraline 150mg and gabapentin 1200mg this is for fibromyalgia. What are you taking
 
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Darknesssdaughter

Guest
Must be awful the quetiapine withdrawal.

I'm taking olanzapine 10 mg, ezequa 30 and delorazepam. I had to take also tegretol but I'm allergic.

I must stop taking the antidepressant, they will add depakine, keep the olanzapine and delorazepam and want to give me ability also.
 
R

RoamerFloater

New member
Joined
Dec 28, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Florida
Can someone explain how is for them living with schizo affective disorder?
For me, its been hell. I have had psychotic episodes for the last seven years of my life. I experience paranoia and delusions and while I am in an episode I can get aggressive. It doesn't help that my delusions are so intimate and embarrassing. I have delusions that someone poewrful is in love with me and I get very sexually aroused. Then subsequently sexually frustrated which in turn makes me aggressive. It is terribly embarrassing and perhaps the worse delusion that one could possibly have. I also get a delusion that I am the queen of the world and that I am the smartest, most attractive person in the world. Coming down from this delusion is the biggest let down.

Also when I am having an episode I go out and meet random people, pick fights with people and post online like crazy. I have embarrassed myself on numerous occasions and I even ended up on the morning news for going into a store and throwing merchandise off the shelves. They filmed me as I was having an episode and made a news story about this on the evening news. I don't see how it could get much worse than this. This disease has been social suicide for me. I have lost countless jobs because of it and now that I am on medication I get serious side effects such as not getting my period anymore and lactating.

Now that I am stable on medication, I no longer feel joy the way that I used to. I cannot express myself the way that I used to. I have trouble speaking and making conversation and I do not enjoy the activities that I used to enjoy. I hope that one day these delusions will stop persisting that I can go back to my happy, joyful, laughing self.
 
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Darknesssdaughter

Guest
For me, its been hell. I have had psychotic episodes for the last seven years of my life. I experience paranoia and delusions and while I am in an episode I can get aggressive. It doesn't help that my delusions are so intimate and embarrassing. I have delusions that someone poewrful is in love with me and I get very sexually aroused. Then subsequently sexually frustrated which in turn makes me aggressive. It is terribly embarrassing and perhaps the worse delusion that one could possibly have. I also get a delusion that I am the queen of the world and that I am the smartest, most attractive person in the world. Coming down from this delusion is the biggest let down.

Also when I am having an episode I go out and meet random people, pick fights with people and post online like crazy. I have embarrassed myself on numerous occasions and I even ended up on the morning news for going into a store and throwing merchandise off the shelves. They filmed me as I was having an episode and made a news story about this on the evening news. I don't see how it could get much worse than this. This disease has been social suicide for me. I have lost countless jobs because of it and now that I am on medication I get serious side effects such as not getting my period anymore and lactating.

Now that I am stable on medication, I no longer feel joy the way that I used to. I cannot express myself the way that I used to. I have trouble speaking and making conversation and I do not enjoy the activities that I used to enjoy. I hope that one day these delusions will stop persisting that I can go back to my happy, joyful, laughing self.
Hi, thank you
And glad you're feeling better.
It's really the deepest hell what you been through.
 
S

SadCanadian999

Member
Joined
Dec 4, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Canada
For me, its been hell. I have had psychotic episodes for the last seven years of my life. I experience paranoia and delusions and while I am in an episode I can get aggressive. It doesn't help that my delusions are so intimate and embarrassing. I have delusions that someone poewrful is in love with me and I get very sexually aroused. Then subsequently sexually frustrated which in turn makes me aggressive. It is terribly embarrassing and perhaps the worse delusion that one could possibly have. I also get a delusion that I am the queen of the world and that I am the smartest, most attractive person in the world. Coming down from this delusion is the biggest let down.

Also when I am having an episode I go out and meet random people, pick fights with people and post online like crazy. I have embarrassed myself on numerous occasions and I even ended up on the morning news for going into a store and throwing merchandise off the shelves. They filmed me as I was having an episode and made a news story about this on the evening news. I don't see how it could get much worse than this. This disease has been social suicide for me. I have lost countless jobs because of it and now that I am on medication I get serious side effects such as not getting my period anymore and lactating.

Now that I am stable on medication, I no longer feel joy the way that I used to. I cannot express myself the way that I used to. I have trouble speaking and making conversation and I do not enjoy the activities that I used to enjoy. I hope that one day these delusions will stop persisting that I can go back to my happy, joyful, laughing self.
I can really relate to what you said. My experience with schizoaffective disorder has caused me to do some very embarrassing things also. I had a delusion that I could have a Brother Husbands (reverse of Sister Wives) relationship and pursued a totally off-limits guy albeit I have a wonderful supportive husband already. I also thought I was Queen of the World and witnessed my own coronation. I’ve sent compromising selfies to people whom I can’t trust. Now I just remain as isolated as possible. I feel like people can tell I’m mentally ill just by looking at me. I get no enjoyment from any of the daily tasks I’m expected to do (cooking, cleaning, self-care). I have really severe avolition and anhedonia. Luckily I haven’t had any delusions or hallucinations in the past 6 months. My medication has definitely helped with that part. But the side effects and magnification of certain symptoms have rendered me useless. I used to be such a fun person. Now realizing that could have just been the bipolar side of me.
 
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