possible misdiagnosis of schizoaffective disorder

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forumuser23

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Jan 10, 2019
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#1
i was recently diagnosed with the most recent psychiatrist i saw with schizoaffective disorder, however, i do not agree on the diagnosis, not just from her observation but altogether as a whole.

as i am new to the forum, i was gonna post in the "introduce yourself" section first of why i am here, etc, but i guess i'll just explain it all here.

i mainly came to this forum because i couldn't get much information and good responses from elsewhere, particularly on schizoaffective disorder, as well as on what exactly constitutes to psychosis, mania / hypomania, or other pathologies or problems of matter.

my actual diagnosis from the few past psychologists i saw concluded the diagnosis of primarily being major depression and secondary diagnosis of schizotypal personality disorder. i do relate to both, although i would consider myself a very unique blend of many different problems, from digestion related to deeply emotional disturbances / negative emotions such as anger. i initially seeked mental health services at the age of 18, right after high school, i am age 25 now. i also didn't get a diagnosis of schizotypal personality disorder and major depression till a few years after 18, around 21-22 i think, before that, it was just labelled as "anxiety" and "depression", which i always knew was more than just that.

my biggest issue and concern is what sort of help i could get, other than psychiatric medication as i have gone that route. since i struggle with god knows what everyday, and i can't really get a objective response from anyone in particular of what exactly it could be, since it seems to entail a lot of things.

even if i were to try a certain medicine, regardless of whether it would be in the psychiatric class or not, i really need to be sure i am taking the right type of medicine and that there is more good than harm. i already have backup potential herbal / more natural supplements to try.

one of the past psychiatrists i saw wrongly prescribed an antipsychotic named latuda which sent me to the hospital from it's so called "side effects", really, it shouldn't even be called "side effects", a simple explanation is that the drug did what it shouldn't to my body and brain and fucked me up, i explained this all in the psych forums and elsewhere, how it turned me into a zombie, brain damaged me, made my depression a million times worse, barely made me walk around, barely able to eat for the 3 days i took, on the third night, i couldn't take it anymore and as i was sitting in my bed restless and severely agitated trying to just go to sleep, i eventually got to a point of convulsing with my brain jerking on and off and i then had crying spells and screaming from what the drug did to me.

i was taken to the hospital that night, at the hospital, they told me that all i could do is just let the drug run it's course and leave my system, but they did give me ativan and an anti nausea pill which helped a bit, i was trying really hard to wait it out and later left home, for the next days i was in a very brain damaged / down / zombied state, but i eventually i got back to my regular state.

so, my problem now is that i really suffer a lot, severe depression and all sorts of things of unknown, my body ramps out in certain periods of the day and timeframes, although i can give a general explanation, such as trauma, anger, distress, fear, boredom, loneliness, etc, none of this helps me.

i have tried to put myself out there in the open in mental health groups / support groups, but i gave up doing so do to a variety of reasons, from not relating to other people, being made uncomfortable or taken advantage from others, in fact, this was often the case, where i would be there and people would be more functional than me and / or they would make comments to make it seem like i am over exaggerating things or just getting me and then i wouldn't be able to be as assertive or communicative to my concerns, some of which had to do with safety reasons and rules i couldn't break, because either i'd lose control and explode in anger physically or verbally ( which has happened ) and cops showed up, or either way, i just sit there in pain and see other people more fortunate than me.

life in general has been very doubled edged sword for me. another thing is that most of these people i saw in person and online, in fact, all of them in person were medicated, and that's one aspect that made me feel very inferior, left out and lack of support. i would have thought that maybe there might be someone else there like me, but even if there was any, it was limited to mostly a few females maybe ( i am straight male btw ) and they were older females, not age appropriate and / or with different diagnosis and problems, and simply not people of relating, even then, i have limited ability to function, interact and communicate in person, so even if there were some rare instances of potential help, i couldn't make this a better experience, neither should i need to, like hello, perfectionism spewing? this is one of the reasons that contributes to my depression is that i was never accepted for the way i was, like i couldn't just be the way i was without someone asking me, well did you try this, did you do that, why didn't you do this, bla bla bla...

i have always felt this way with others, feeling different from them and what kind of problems they have and how they view things, etc. this is why i believe schizotypal PD fits me the closest with of course severe depression, it doesn't have to be StPD, the personality disorder aspect fits me perfectly.

so to be more precise in what i am looking for here, at least with schizoaffective disorder is, are there anyone who have this condition here, i am not talking about hypothetically or what "could be", i am simply asking per user experience, and that is if you DON'T take psychiatric medication, and if not, how do you cope with your condition, because like i mentioned, i haven't met one person in real life or on the forums who really deals with this condition without psychiatric medication, obviously there are many people that do, but i am asking specifically here

second, does anyone have this condition but doesn't have delusions or hallucinations of any kind or hearing things or seeing things that aren't there / or voices? because for one, i do not have any of these, although that recent psychiatrist believes i have some aspect of "delusions of reference", but without sounding like an asshole, she simply is uneducated and doesn't understand simple psychology. perhaps i may fall under ideas of reference which is part of schizotypal PD anyways, but certainly NOT delusions of reference which is very different. the only criteria i seem to fit to fullfill the diagnosis for schizoaffective disorder is possibly mild catatonia and / or disorganized thinking and / or psychosis

third, brings up the question of psychosis. i have not been able to get a clear definition of symptom of psychosis of actual user experiences, nor on the internet or in person, the definitions are either vague or do not make sense, or i do not relate to them.

if i do experience psychosis, it is not the type that involves all those superficial bogus or all those voices, hearing or seeing things that are not there type of things. it would be psychosis in the sense of internal psychogical and / or biological disturbances ( possibly parasites or some autoimmune disorder maybe ) that over time causes me to grow more and more fucked up and as a result, experience that ramped up feeling and wanting to scream or break things.

other feelings i can describe are a sense of dread / this dark feeling that comes that doesn't feel sad, but dreadful and scary. i normally get like this in the late evenings or night, particularly when trying to go to sleep, this is also when i experience these brain tensing up / body tensing up for a second or two that happens when i stop doing things and i am not distracting myself with something like video games.

it's my body telling me something is wrong or going haywire.

i'll try to finish this up as i wrote a lot, but i do this mainly because i usually only have certain periods where i can really invest and explain things, and i don't really see a point in spreading it out, even if i were to remember or apply it in increments.

so the last thing is that i found unusual is that the majority of people i've met in mental health groups were diagnosed with bipolar or manic depressive type illnesses and / or schizoaffective disorder and a bunch of them also had schizophrenia, despite schizoaffective disorder supposed to being very rare at what .3 - .8 percent of the population, i never understood such high prevalence of the disorder, with all things equal, you'd expect a large handful of people that had unipolar depression or other conditions, but that simply is not what i saw, hence partly why i may have not related to many.

and if i didn't mention already, but none of the people i met with schizoaffective disorder had the symptoms i had, all of them had the voices and superficial stuff i explained, and of course, all of them were medicated too..., much to my dismay
 
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