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Possible Depression?

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Something Is Wrong

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Apr 20, 2015
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So I'm really confused as to whether I have clinical depression or not.

My depressive episodes are really weird. They sometimes last around 2 weeks (my best guess is around 13-18 days but my most recent episode lasted a month) and during this time it's absolutely horrible. I'm super suicidal during those weeks and I won't be able to stop crying (I would cry anywhere and everywhere). I also won't be able to stop SI'ing and I get super scared of myself because I think that I might actually take my life. It got super bad at one point where I started hearing and seeing things (happened to me last year; not that recent though) and it was almost like another part of me was haunting me and telling me to kill myself.

While I'm not depressed I feel ok-ish sad but I'm no longer crying and it's not interfering with my daily life anymore. But with this 'sadness' I get this weird anxiety where my chest feels cold from the inside (but I have no intrusive thoughts). But then sometimes at moments my mood randomly drops to depression and that lasts about maybe 2-3 hours or so (maybe a bit more).

also another thing I should mention is that at the times I am happy I know I'm going to crash big time. The most recent time I remember actually being happy was late December 2014- January 2015 and then I crashed. But I don't think it's bipolar because I wasn't manic or such. I was just a normal happy person.

Have any of you guys experienced this before? :confused: You know what this is? (no, I'm not looking for you guys to diagnose me here; I'm just looking for suggestions of what you guys think this may be).

I'm not exactly sure what this could be. I don't want to go to the psychiatrist though because what if I'm actually normal then I'll just be wasting their time and my money.

(P.S I used to have an ED in the past (though I think I'm developing another ED now) and I currently suffer from trichotillomania, and other self harm).

Thanks :)
 
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Abbierad92

Abbierad92

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Apr 18, 2015
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Hello
It sounds to me like clinical depression but I'm no professional. People can dip in and out of depression and can have periods where they feel things are okay and then again they're down and can't pick themselves up again. Best advice I can give you is to make an appointment to see your GP. Would you be willing to try antidepressants? You may not need to see a psychiatrist if your GP can treat you. Anyway we are all here for you!
Abbie
 
S

Something Is Wrong

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Thank you for your reply Abbie. The thing is that my depression cycle is weird and not defined. I won't know how I will be feeling 2 weeks from now. If my GP were to prescribe me anitidepressants I will be willing to try them but I'm not too sure if I would be needing them during my periods where i'm feeling 'ok-ish sad'. That's why I'm really confused as to what to do about it.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Have you noticed that the moods coincide with your menstrual cycle at all? Sorry, I am presuming you're female..

I still think that it is worth seeing your GP and discussing this. If the lows are causing you to self-harm and think about suicide, then it's something you really need some help with - even if there are okish times.
Your GP will be able to give you an informed opinion and you can hopefully find a way forward from there.
 
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Eliza

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Feb 10, 2015
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Hi there.

I don't know if I can assume what you might be suffering with, but I do know that doctors can help. Anyone trained in mental health understands that it can fluctuate-- especially moods. People with intense depressive mindsets will have some time of fluctuation, even if it's a little. Doctors do (or should) understand this, so you won't be wasting their time at all. When you're in a really bad place, I'd recommend writing down what you're feeling/experiencing, so then when you do go to the doctor, you can express what it's like easier, especially if you're feeling okay.

It's something you're suffering with and you have a right to those feelings, however infrequent or intense they are.
 
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Something Is Wrong

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Somer - Thank you for your reply. Yes, I'm a female but I haven't noticed it to happen before my period, no. Sometimes my cycles or triggered by the littlest things (and by that I actually mean the littlest things; I've been really triggered once because I took too long to take out my money when I was paying for my stuff at the cashier) or randomly when I think I'm not good enough for this world (along with my random mood drops).

Eliza - Thank you Eliza. Yes I started to keep a journal this year to track my moods when I had my depressive episode. I'm not writting in it these days though because I'm at the"ok-ish" state right now though a couple of days ago my mood did drop to depression for a few hours.
 
S

Something Is Wrong

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Sometimes my cycles are triggered by the littlest things (and by that I actually mean the littlest things; I've been really triggered once because I took too long to take out my money when I was paying for my stuff at the cashier) or randomly when I think I'm not good enough for this world (along with my random mood drops).
and when I say cycles here I mean my depressive cycle, not my menstrual cycle (sorry if I caused confusion lol).
 
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Thoth

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Some of the aspects you have mentioned sounds very much like clinical depression, however you not offer a situation that could've cause the depression in the first place. I'm apparently on a longer depression cycle so I'm told. Mine will go for 8-10months till I feel good for a few weeks.

So yes I completely relate to your happiness mood. You can feel elevated, ready to achieve things and take on the world and then suddenly it feels like someone has snatched it away from you.
 
S

Something Is Wrong

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Thanks Thoth for your reply. What do you mean "you not offer a situation that could've cause the depression in the first place"? Hmm sometimes my depressive cycles are triggered by situations or just randomly when I don't think I'm good enough (as I already mentioned in post #7). Or do you mean what could've caused me to have depression in the first place?
 
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Thoth

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Thanks Thoth for your reply. What do you mean "you not offer a situation that could've cause the depression in the first place"? Hmm sometimes my depressive cycles are triggered by situations or just randomly when I don't think I'm good enough (as I already mentioned in post #7). Or do you mean what could've caused me to have depression in the first place?
I just want to state clearly that I had no intention of accusations. A clinical depression is often defined as a depressive mood for no apparent or clear reason. Let me expound on this. I was diagnosed as clinical depression as early as 2010, but it had been lingering longer. I had no pivotal event or experience to cause the depression. Therefore it is clinical, especially because the depression is crippling you in mood, and state of mind.

Clinical depression is when you're so bad you don't eat, you don't leave the bed for days, you shut off and have severe psychomotor retardation. A milder form is getting by in a low mood whilst feeling numb and empty; a hollow shell or... the technical term escapades me (and I have been awake over 100 hours, forgive me.)

A situational depression is where a significant event transpires that causes you grief. A loved of a lost one, losing your job, relocating countries and struggling to adapt to the new life. A situational depression is based around a grief, loss or remorse. You see you can go from situational to clinical. You could even have situational depression for a month, get better and be okay, and then a few months later you relapse and go into a clinical depression.
 
S

Something Is Wrong

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Thanks Thot :) (and sorry if I came off sounding mean or anything... probably my poor sentence structure which I apologize about. I didn't take offense to anything you said :) I found it helpful). Anyways, if I think about it, my depression may be situational. I was bullied a lot in my grade school days to the extent that I almost attempted suicide (but I don't know what pulled me away from not doing it the last minute). I've also tried to run away from home once (though that didn't go down so well). Although I don't get bullied anymore or anything I still feel depressed.

This is what happens to me when I do feel depressed:
- Unable to focus/concentrate on reading
- Zoning out
- Sleeping a lot
- Doing everything really slowly
- Intrusive thoughts
- Crying
- Feeling very tired/no energy (exhaustion)
- Lack of appetite
- Lack of motivation
- Shaking
- Agitated/irritated
- Feeling lifeless/hopeless/worthless
 
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