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Possible Axis 2 Bipolar!!

martyn6291

martyn6291

Active member
Joined
Feb 16, 2009
Messages
42
Location
Gloucestershire
Hi, my name is Martyn!

Im new to this forum provider and am looking for ideas and support for a recent set of triggers and realisations that could possibly be Axis 2 bipolar

I have for 6 years been training as an NLP therapist, (bit like paul Mckenna) and have used many skills to combat the effects of low mood, although i diddnt know how low i really was ...what is interesting now is that i honestly belived my "manic" epsiodes, where i was so high i actually felt like i belonged to the universe and could feel every drop of energy in the world...was normal????
It was the crown jewel state i was looking for constantly and when i wasnt there...i was either "numb" or seriously cranky and down. Only in the last 3 weeks have i realised that the euphoric "upper" state isnt normal by any means!

I used to do drugs as a teenager ( mostly cannabis and some class A's) and now like 8 years on and drug free (im 28) i am sure they played a part in my situation, (but my manic phases are like 20x better than any drug and the "comedowns" are 10 x longer too).
My parents split when i was 6 and the trigger of becoming a father myself renewed the sense of pain i felt as a young child..

So now im a dad, i have little or no time or space to practice my skills..my partner hasnt really understood it all until recently and is moving to her mums to allow me the space to build up momentum again. It broke my heart to put them through this all, but also i know i couldnt just sit it out and "put up with it"...kind of like a catch- 22 situation..my daughter needs me and right now im unable to help her, or only can in a small window of mania where i feel energised enough to help, only to come crashing down. So i have the docs tomorrow.

A self made mood graph spanning the last week shows a decline and patterns of rapid ups and downs. An invite to a social event cant happen just in case i drop off the scale and end up legging it or shouting or something or becoming so excitable i talk for england. My moods are comibinations of:-

UPs in no order
that are energetic and fun...energetic and angry or tense, rapid talking and moving, very fluid and lucid and intelligent talking and reasoning. Seriously euphoric and fantastic thoughts, energy states and visions. ( interesting because i have had many states of Pre-cognition and calirvoyancy that have come true) increased intamacy.

Downs
that are seriously negative and paranoid, negelctful to all, states between fear and anxiety, very low pysical movement, lots of sleep, the need for isolation, feelings of uselesness and low worth, the need for intamacy and poor broken sleep and bad dreams. Compulsions to clean and tidy up( a new behaviour

i dont want to be on the tablets and if i had the space to practice my mind skills ( without my partner intruding) then i may have a chance of doing as well as i have in the past..i know i have coped well before, but i never knew i had a problem. sorry for the essay..this is my story as simple as i can. Thanks! Martyn:):unsure:
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,623
Hello and welcome,

An invite to a social event cant happen just in case i drop off the scale and end up legging it or shouting or something or becoming so excitable i talk for england.

I can really identify with this, it makes things very hard. I hope your G.P will be able to help or refer you for some therapies, well if that's what you want that is.
Keep posting, people are understanding and helpful here when they can be.
Take Care.

KS
 
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martyn6291

martyn6291

Active member
Joined
Feb 16, 2009
Messages
42
Location
Gloucestershire
I been to the doctors!

It seems that hes not willing to think im Bi-polar, not that im hoping, but im sure theres more to it than hes thinking.

He thinks i have some kind of Anxiety disorder or just depression. As my Mrs had a baby 3 months ago he also thinks i have some advanced form of male "post natal depression"...which made me feel really stupid!

My graphs i made for him showing my ups and downs diddnt make much difference!!! even though the last 3 days (and when i think the last 10 years) where up and down more than all the rides at blackpool beach!!

Hes given me 20mg of Citalopram daily and referred me to a community PCAT psyciatric worker for an assessment.

Today its clear i have had a blowout...im calm and exhausted though not sad..like the middle of a hurricane!! im waiting for the high to come my way...it will be ace..but coming down the other side is horrible..i dread the results of it...for my poor family!

"lets off a big sigh"

thanks for replying guys!

:-1 :unsure:
 
N

nutbar

Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2009
Messages
7
I have to say your story is reminiscent of my own state of mind, I also have started to suspect bipolar after years of only thinking the depression side was a problem and that the waaay highs were the real me- or at least a pretty cool part of it! For me it was the nutty fads which would take over my life for a few months while I threw money I didn't have at my latest choice of focus which made me wonder if it was not just the low moods which could be a problem. Looking back I can see where these high moods started- electricity in the air, feeling energised and talking non stop about my latest idea, sometimes with nervous laughter... you get the idea. I went to the doctor today and explained that I thought I may have bipolar disorder and gave a couple of reasons why- but chose wisely which doctor, some of them will fob you off- she agreed that I was describing symptoms which sounded very much like bipolar and referred me to the psychiatric nurse. Once she's spoken to me she will refer me to the psychiatric team who will, I suppose, make a diagnosis of bipolar or whatever else it may be.

I just wanted to extend a hand of support from a fellow sufferer, and to say that if you feel you've been fobbed off or misdiagnosed, or that you ought to have your case looked at more closely before having you fears dismissed by a doctor who hardly knows you, then you do have the right to a second opinion. If you've been referred on then it will probably come to light if you do have bipolar, but if you've been sent home with a box of pills you feel won't help, go back and ask to see a different doctor. Also, I downloaded and completed the Bipolar Spectrum Diagnostic Scale and filled it in, that may help you as well, here's the link:

http://www.mdf.org.uk/index.aspx?o=1868

Good luck.
 
martyn6291

martyn6291

Active member
Joined
Feb 16, 2009
Messages
42
Location
Gloucestershire
Hi Nutbar!

Yeah i did consider that my doctor had misdiagnosed me...probably because i expected him to be understanding..instead (considering hes a well known doctor whos good) he was cold and blunt!..but after many visits and NOT taking the miriad of pills prescribed (as i wanted to go alone)..i expect i was a bit of a thorn in his side..oh well

im currently taking 20 Mg of Citalopram Celexa in the US..and so far i have seen some small changes!..not much when my anxiety comes in but thats one side effect of the drug! but i did suffer that anyways..i still feel manic..
(manic right now) but its more of an anxious agressive, rushing around...with less sadness as before..small change but paranoid still..and explosive at times!

i had an appointment with PCAT PsyCiatric Assesment Team but i was so smashed of the tablets in the first few days .....i forgot...they played havoc with my memory!!!....i think i was smashed as my mind knows drugs well...Celexa is like cheap MDNA (ecstacy) to me and even though i wouldnt peak on the drug..i still sat there for a week grinding my teeth...telling the world to F%$K off and feeling no remorse...now the drug has kicked in...im leveling out and the anxiety and mania has kicked in again! odd eh?

the sad thing is..my lovely girlfriend and daughter have to witness this...im so afraid of loosing them!

i wish it would go away!

Thanks Nutbar! :redface:
 
N

nutbar

Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2009
Messages
7
I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time, it must be hard with your Mrs and baby. It's obvious that you're not feeling well and it seems your doctor has been less than understanding. The thing is that while most people may say a doctor is meant to be 'good', but how many of them would have been to him with a mental health problem? My guess is that, despite his medical training, he is nervous around mental health issues as many people are because of a lack of understanding. If you missed your appointment with the psych team, and I can relate in a major way with this forgetfulness, it's the bane of my life, I would either phone up the number to make another appointment with them, or if you need to be referred again see a different GP this time. I can really feel for you- you're in a situation where you feel you need help of some kind, but the problems you're having are making it difficult to get that help. I hope you're feeling better soon.
 
martyn6291

martyn6291

Active member
Joined
Feb 16, 2009
Messages
42
Location
Gloucestershire
I have done the measure of Bipolar that you added to the page and i am like 90% Bi-polar..thanks for posting it!
In looking at coping strategies, i am lucky that i have been unknowingly adopting them for years ( probably due to studying and adopting NLP) however, since recognising the symptoms of Bi-polar, my symptoms seem to have agrrevated...ecspecially my anxiety and agression.

I am totally paranoid about my relationship....my Mrs is having an affair all the time..and doesnt really love me... thats what i THINK!!!! which makes me miserable and unnaproachable.....eventually she will leave me....:-(

im so glad i found this site..you guys have been really good to me!:p
 
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