Possible anxiety/depression?

[taylornichol]

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m a 23 year old female. Around late last year I found out that my dad has another family. I’ve known that he has an affair since I was 12 or so but I never expected him to have kids with that woman so it absolutely tore me. The way he told me about it wasn’t helpful either, he just brought the kids to my apartment out of the blue one day. After that I fell into sort of a situational depression - I was sleeping a lot, I didn’t feel like doing anything, was barely eating, skipped classes etc.

That’s around the time my boyfriend came along. We’ve known each other for a long time and never got to see each other much as we both moved away from our hometown for uni. He called me up and asked if I wanted dinner, that was the day after my dad left my place after spending a night there with the kids. He asked if I was okay because I did not seem like my usual self, eventually I told him what happened and he took care of me. Looking back, I honestly don’t know what would’ve happened to me if he wasn’t there with me.

Things at home are messy now. My mum moved out recently, and I try not to go home if possible. I live with my grandparents and when I went home a few weeks ago my grandmother kept going on and on about how I should help my parents reconcile, and that I should “fix their marriage”. I cried a lot when I went home and had trouble sleeping. Home just isn’t even home anymore.

My boyfriend has his own apartment but most of the time he stays with me at my place, and everytime when he needs to go back to his place for a few days whether it be for work or because his friends are coming over, I cry. I know he’s only going for a few days, and I know he’s only about 20 minutes away, but I can’t help it and I don’t know why I’m acting this way. I know it’s my problem because he has given me plenty of reassurances, he’s always there when I need someone. I don’t even know why I cry when he needs to go because I was always very independent and really liked living alone.

I apologize for the long post. Any replies will be very much appreciated, thank you. Take care!

 

[Shay94]

Hey there, welcome to the forum. This is a non-judgemental forum for all sorts of mental issues, problems that may arise in life and we do everything possible to help others out. I'm sorry to hear of your father's affair/having another family besides yours. This is difficult to go thru as my own parents did same thing, my dad left when I was young & for a while, he tried sorting things out with my mum but she didn't want anything to do with him at the time (he was lazy, not ready to be a dad at the time, make promises but never kept them etc). Several years later, he met someone else, had a new family, got married etc - at first I was shocked and didn't know how to process it but as years went by, I learned that I was ok with it as my mum had moved on as well. Your grandmother shouldn't be telling you to fix their relationship as its between them, you don't need to be involved in it, let them sort it out.

As for your boyfriend, its nice to know that he's there for you when you need it. Its also ok to be selfish sometimes and wish he was round more when he's not with you, even if his place is 20 mins away. We don't always know why we act the way we do, sometimes we hold too much shit inside and just finally needa let it out with someone we trust. You're lucky to have that kind of support, by the sounds of it, he'd do anything to make sure you're ok. Keep hold of him & let him know he's appreciated always even on your bad days

Hope things get better for you, feel free to PM me anytime you wanna chat, I'll be on as often as I can