Positive thinking?

[rollinat]

Does anyone have any ideas on how to start accepting more positive things about yourself? I was given a list of positive attributes by my CPN yesterday and asked to think about some words I could apply to myself - she did realise that I would find that difficult, but it took me by surprise just how hard, and upsetting, I found it - I just don't seem prepared to accept anything positive about myself, and just get stuck in the thought of how much I hate myself. I am not looking for anyone to say "Oh, I'm sure you're great at XYZ" because I just can't believe it, and I would dismiss it - what I need, I guess, is if anyone can explain the process they went through to start believing in themselves again.

I am feeling quite drained and deflated by this because I have been doing better over the last few weeks - more able to do things - but this just makes me think that I have a long way to go on the road to recovery, or discovery.

Don't know if this makes any sense but I hope someone can help.

Thanks.

Rollinat

 

[Dollit]

Going from not thinking anything positive about yourself to thinking "I'm good at X" is a huge step. Try something tiny - like "I have nicely shaped fingernails" or "My eyelashes are long" or "I make a nice cup of tea". Baby steps. xx

 

[Michael]

Well youre good at putting your thoughts into words judging by your thread!

I am thinking of the kettle calling the pot black now, it's almost as if we either need constant re-assurance of our actual qualities or we need to be able to admit to ourselves that we actually have them. As Dollit says - small steps, they always get you there but maybe not as fast as we would like.

Now youve said it and I've written a reply its about time I did to myself what I try telling others! maybe we should start a club for ourselves - but isn't that what this forum is all about?

Please let us know how you get on especially if you find the miracle cure!!!!

Best Wishes

Michael

 

[finetime]

Do Positive Thinking Affirmations Cause Depression?

No, of course they don't, but the methods of thinking have a lot in common. That might be a little surprising so I'll explain...

Positive affirmations require you to come up with a set of sentences to repeat to yourself, or, you can repeat someone else's.

Benefits: All the time you're repeating your affirmations, you can't be thinking bad stuff about yourself.

Negatives: All the time you spend repeating your affirmations, you're not using your brain to creatively solve problems. And you may be teaching yourself a harmful thinking style.

But what has that got to do with depression? Well, there are several elements to a depressive thinking style. These have been identified through thousands of pieces of clinical research and are now well accepted within the psychology field.

Too much focus on the self. Lots of use of personal pronouns such as "I", "Me", "Myself"

Perfectionistic thinking: unless it's perfect, it's not worth feeling good about.

Globalisation: "Everything's ruined now"

Over-emotionality: responding to even minor events with extremes of emotion - excitement, anxiety, anger and so on.

 

[rollinat]

Thanks for the replies - food for thought. Tiny steps is very good advice. I think that what I am so used to doing is recognising what I have done, yet belittling it. For example, I quite like my hair (there, that's positive) but it's going grey (I always have to follow with a negative). And that's the best thing I can say about my appearance. I am aware enough to know that I do it but not how to stop.

So perhaps what my real problem is not recognising what I can do, but that I never feel I can do anything well enough. I feel patronised if I try to recognise smaller achievements because I think I should be able to cope with my life - and I don't feel I am any closer to accepting that sometimes I can't.

Also, I feel I judge myself by "doing" rather than "being" - because, I think, I am so unsure of who I am any more, so it's easier to focus on what I do (or don't do) rather than who I am.

Anyway, I start to see a psychologist next week, plus will be doing a confidence building course too soon so hopefully all that will help.

Any other ideas, anyone? This forum is such a great source of support and ideas.

Rollinat

 

[mad as a hatter]

only thing i can say is when we tend 2 be depressed it,s hard 2 c the postive things we do in our lifes cause we don,t think it,s possible 2 do them we tend 2 be a lot harder on ourselves which makes it harder 2 c even the smallest postive things we r the biggest critics in life of ourselves how we change this i,ve got no idea

 

[Dollit]

When I first was invalided out of work 7 years ago I got to about 25% on the GAF scale. Which is pretty bad. It's about as bad as you get without being dead. But I still noticed stuff and we had a bad ASB problem in my immediate area. After trying to tackle it for a while with some neighbours I rang our local bobby and after quite a long time I built up a relationship with her and all the subsequent officers. These days I have a huge input into my community - I do some pretty heady stuff and I can't believe that the person I was then is the person I am now. I still can't work, I've been exhausted today and spent a lot of the afternoon crying until I had a sleep. But I just started off with something small and that gave me the confidence to try something more. One thing that boosts your confidence turns into two.

And so your hair is growing grey - so is mine but I choose to take that as a reflection of my inner maturity.

 

[rollinat]

Actually, it doesn't really bother me that I'm going grey, it's just my need to add a negative to everything! But inner maturity, I'll go with that. And baby steps. Thanks.

 

[Dollit]

Paradox always says go by the three constants in life - baby steps, tea and chocolate. And he's right but he always is.