Poor & struggling to survive but everyone thinks I'm rich

[andy henley]

It's the worst position to be in - being so poor you struggle with daily survival, yet on the outside everyone somehow assumes you're rich because of your bloody accent (standard english- not even an accent really! Just well spoken).

It affects your life in so many ways when people make assumptions about you. For example, there was a time I desperately needed the floor replacing in my home because it caved in due to age / rot. I got some quotes and saved up for over a year just to have a small amount of money to spend on it (no holidays, living of tesco basic etc.) it's not easy.

However, when the tradesmen arrive you can just see the greed in their eyes as they light up when I speak. The first quote came in as £4000 to replace a tiny 4m2 of floor. (That's £1000 per square metre!). I should have asked him if it would be made of gold. I ended up not being able to get it done at all and had to do a bodge-job myself from B&Q. It's just ridiculous- all I'm asking for is a normal quote.

Another time my window got smashed and I received a quote of £18,000 to replace the window. Fair enough it's a standard bay window, but really? £18k?! If I had that money I would not be living in this place ! And if I did have that kind of money I wouldn't be stupid enough to spend £18k on a window !

When I was desperate to sell my home, was working 20 hours a day, didn't have time to do it myself and couldn't afford a full house repaint so asked for a quote to 'touch up' the grotty bits around light switches etc. It would have taken about a day's work. We're talking about a small terraced house with a handful of lightswitches. I received quotes in the region of £4000 ! I'm not even joking.

When I asked "why £4000 for a day's work?" they replied "because we're giving you a London service"... me: "but this isn't London!"... "but you sound like you're from London clearly"... me: "no I'm not!"... them: "well we're giving you a London service which means a better service". I felt like saying "that's not what a London service means! London service means tradesmen working in London have to pay for London rent / living costs and thus their prices are higher. It doesn't actually mean a BETTER service." But instead of arguing I just politely showed them the door.

Sometimes I feel so alone because I don't know anyone else who gets judged like this, even tho I'm sure I can't be the only one. Frankly, it's all exhausting & you end up feeling so alone in life. Made so much worse by the fact I have no support around me at all- and the family I do have are a sad excuse for a family unfortunately.. they only appear when my financial situation is good.. same for any human being I've ever met or "friends".

 

[Purpleplum]

You're not alone in having no support and having to do it all by yourself...it's hard. Some people make assumptions about people but you just have to act like they're idiots and take your business elsewhere. THEY just lost a customer.

 

[andy henley]

That's fair enough that they lose the customer but I'm not talking about just some people, I'm talking about pretty much 90% of tradesman- they're so inundated with work it doesn't affect them, it only affects me- and I end up losing more money & time having to do it all myself. I had around 4 quotes, all £1500 - £4000 to replace that 4m2 of floor which is outrageous really, all of whom were so obviously quoting higher because they thought I must be rich just because I'm well spoken. I can't help the way I speak...

 

[andy henley]

I even had a beggar overhearing me speak & knocking on the door to beg me for money once - when I tried to close the door he put his foot in the door & tried to force his way in !

Life is hard enough trying to survive without people constantly assuming you're rich & trying to take what little you have from you. Everyone else seems to go on holiday every year as if it's a normal event & yet I don't see anyone assuming they're rich. I don't even have money for holidays. It's a constant struggle and I don't see anyone else going through this.

 

[andy henley]

I managed to hire a car for £10 a day to get some urgent repair work done that I couldn't do without it. Yet every time I drive into my local shop, pedestrians crossing the road swear at me & cars on the road beep & shout at me for slowing to turn. I'm not doing anything wrong or illegal by turning! The only other option is for me not to turn & go back home, which would defeat the object of driving to the shop in the first place ! Life is just hard enough without having to deal with such random anger from strangers all the time. Yet nothing ever happens to them for it- police never fine them for using their horn illegally, they just get away with making your life a misery. It's like no one wants you to live - they just want you to disappear.

Wouldn't mind if it was an exception to the rule but it's almost every single day !

 

[andy henley]

.. and I've noticed people want to hurt you 100% if it means they gain 1%.

It's just a miserable world to live in.

 

[andy henley]

.....

err thanks for all the support. Guess being new to this forum, I thought there might be a bit more input. Even online on a mental health forum, no one really wants to know! Noted.

 

[JessisMe]

It's the worst position to be in - being so poor you struggle with daily survival, yet on the outside everyone somehow assumes you're rich because of your bloody accent (standard english- not even an accent really! Just well spoken).

It affects your life in so many ways when people make assumptions about you. For example, there was a time I desperately needed the floor replacing in my home because it caved in due to age / rot. I got some quotes and saved up for over a year just to have a small amount of money to spend on it (no holidays, living of tesco basic etc.) it's not easy.

However, when the tradesmen arrive you can just see the greed in their eyes as they light up when I speak. The first quote came in as £4000 to replace a tiny 4m2 of floor. (That's £1000 per square metre!). I should have asked him if it would be made of gold. I ended up not being able to get it done at all and had to do a bodge-job myself from B&Q. It's just ridiculous- all I'm asking for is a normal quote.

Another time my window got smashed and I received a quote of £18,000 to replace the window. Fair enough it's a standard bay window, but really? £18k?! If I had that money I would not be living in this place ! And if I did have that kind of money I wouldn't be stupid enough to spend £18k on a window !

When I was desperate to sell my home, was working 20 hours a day, didn't have time to do it myself and couldn't afford a full house repaint so asked for a quote to 'touch up' the grotty bits around light switches etc. It would have taken about a day's work. We're talking about a small terraced house with a handful of lightswitches. I received quotes in the region of £4000 ! I'm not even joking.

When I asked "why £4000 for a day's work?" they replied "because we're giving you a London service"... me: "but this isn't London!"... "but you sound like you're from London clearly"... me: "no I'm not!"... them: "well we're giving you a London service which means a better service". I felt like saying "that's not what a London service means! London service means tradesmen working in London have to pay for London rent / living costs and thus their prices are higher. It doesn't actually mean a BETTER service." But instead of arguing I just politely showed them the door.

Sometimes I feel so alone because I don't know anyone else who gets judged like this, even tho I'm sure I can't be the only one. Frankly, it's all exhausting & you end up feeling so alone in life. Made so much worse by the fact I have no support around me at all- and the family I do have are a sad excuse for a family unfortunately.. they only appear when my financial situation is good.. same for any human being I've ever met or "friends".

I know what you mean. Whenever I talk with my support workers I think they make the assumption that everything is fine with me because I speak well and am articulate. Even when I articulately state how I am doing they still seem not to get it. I can think of. It’s a very strange thing. xo, j

 

[Prycejosh1987]

In every instance, including yours it doesnt matter what people think or say. What matters is are you happy, and what you can do to make yourself feel fulfilled and happy.

 

[andy henley]

thanks Jessie, I guess that's a similar situation albeit quite different than almost all strangers assuming you're a hateful privileged rich idiot, making most things in life very hard.

Thanks Pryce for your input. I'm not happy, and there are some very concrete reasons why, and as for what I can do about it- very little in the short term. It's been a work in progress for about a decade. Probably I'll get there just before I die of old age.

I was very happy my whole life and then about 7 years ago I was a victim of crime, wasn't supported by police as I should have been and so suffered an injustice and have been struggling to pick up the pieces ever since (financially, lost home, job etc.) I've been working on it but it's still a work in progress. I basically was forced to use everything I owned to trade it for my life (would be dead otherwise). Was on the run for over a year. However, what I've discovered is that life isn't actually worth living after you lose everything in that manner, after you've saved & built up a business for 40 odd years, particularly when through such injustice, when the very people you paid hundreds of thousands of pounds (through taxes) to protect you, couldn't be bothered, never came through with after-support, the nhs also couldn't be bothered. It's basically like living in a country with no laws or healthcare where you have to protect yourself (but have to pay for police & health service regardless).

 

[andy henley]

... still no one replying? This is an interesting forum indeed.

 

[andy henley]

In every instance, including yours it doesnt matter what people think or say. What matters is are you happy, and what you can do to make yourself feel fulfilled and happy.

If you think it doesn't matter what people think & having friends doesn't matter, then you're naive- everyone needs to be "liked" by at least a few people. That's just the way humans are built, genetically. Social species. No one can be happy if everyone judges them in a derogatory manner, no matter how much you try to kid yourself.

 

[Zoe1]

I would say I was born into lower middle class, academic family
from the mix of people I came from
one of my great grand fathers was a miner
who died in a mining accident

things went well until my late teens
when there was a tragedy and I became mentally unwell
got through my degree and then went to live in a squat
and things kind of spiralled from there

so I spent most of my adult life around the mentally ill
and at times violence
because of my own illness I suppose
so im not really sure what class I'm in now

im not much interested in class and political issues
I'm more interested in whats happening in the mental health services
which currently seems to be going backwards ...

 

[Zirrael39]

.....

err thanks for all the support. Guess being new to this forum, I thought there might be a bit more input. Even online on a mental health forum, no one really wants to know! Noted.

Actually, I know what you mean though my situation is a bit different. I live in the Netherlands and don't speak Dutch. As soon as the Dutch tradesmen / sales people realize that, the price suddenly goes up. I call it 'expat tax'. I don't even want to live in this shit country. Ugh.

 

[andy henley]

im not much interested in class and political issues
I'm more interested in whats happening in the mental health services
which currently seems to be going backwards ...

Wasn't mental health services always non-existant? After I was targeted by organised criminals because I was a witness to a horrific crime & became a victim myself, followed around the country with them trying to kill me, I was 'offered' victim support by police that never actually materialised. NHS offered me one counsellor support session that was useless & no more after that.. quickly realised I wasn't going to get any support back from all the hundreds of thousands of tax i'd paid my whole life.

As for your comment about class and political issues, I wouldn't say being attacked everywhere is a class or political issue.